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Swedes' perceived rudeness 'isn't racially motivated' ^ | 08/29/2011 | Ruben Brunsveld

Posted on 09/01/2011 1:11:46 PM PDT by WesternCulture

The background:

Mr. Suhail Din, India, demands of the inferior inhabitants of Stockholm, Sweden, to treat him like an Emperor on visit.

The article:

"UK native Suhail Din sparked a heated debate among The Local's readers with his reflections on why Swedes refused to talk to him and his family during a recent visit to Stockholm. Contributor Ruben Brunsveld examines why.

Two weeks later the article has received more than 300 comments and has been shared on Facebook almost 600 times. So now that the dust has settled it is time for a more nuanced look at why this contribution sparked so many emotional reactions.

The contributor is Suhail Din, a UK native of Pakistani or Indian descent (given his reference to Punjabi). During his highly-anticipated holiday in Sweden, he and his family were shocked to find out that they did not manage to interact with the Swedish population.

Or to be more precise: that the population seemed not to interact with them.

The experience of the Din family is a classic example of problems in intercultural communication. In his contribution, Mr. Din makes assumptions that are based on cultural misunderstandings that consequently provoke strong emotional reactions amongst some of The Local's readers.

So let’s analyse what happened.

In the first half of his contribution Mr. Din goes to great lengths to compliment the Sweden's nature, population, and service-minded attitude. But just like in his real life experience, the article turns, at the sixth paragraph, when he starts to describe the uneasy feeling he and his family got after spending some time in the city.

He describes the stares of the people, the fact that people sitting at their table kept speaking in Swedish and the general disinterest of people to engage with them. So far it seems like not much more then relatively common big-city behaviour (compare it to the ‘arrogant’ Parisiens, New Yorkers, Amsterdammers etc.).

So why did his article spark so many reactions?

Although Mr. Din does not explicitly mention it, in several places he implies that there could be racial motives behind the behavior of Stockholm’s inhabitants:

“We could not understand why, as we dress as everyone else except that we are brown...”

“We were the only non-whites in the National Museum’s Atrium Restaurant...”

“In Newcastle a visitor is sure to receive a warm welcome,…, black white or brown, Chinese or South Asian...”

First of all the unpleasant feeling this must have given the Din family needs to be taken seriously. However, the feelings seems to have been fed by a lack of knowledge of and failure to understand the Swedish communication culture.

Since there was no other logical explanation for the (in their eyes) ‘rude’ behavior on the part of the Swedes, the only reasonable explanation left for the Din's is the conclusion that the way they were treated was because of the colour of their skin.

And that is where the spark ignites!

Besides the Swedish communication culture, which I’ll address below, Mr. Din should have been aware of the fact that implying racial motives and then expanding that to a whole society or population is very sensitive.

Especially in Sweden with it’s long standing tradition of human rights protection, emphasis on equality, as well as Swedes' tendency to display politically correct behavior. The recent rise of the extreme right on the political scene has made this topic even more sensitive as views become more polarized and the debate more heated.

Mr. Din also walks a fine line of sensitivity by referring to the Utøya tragedy and placing his feelings of anxiety in that context. Worldwide people were devastated by that event but outside Norway probably nowhere more then in Sweden.

The images were so similar, the system is so similar, and the people are so connected that for many Swedes it felt like an attack on their own society. Since that tragedy took place during the same weekend that the Din family was in Stockholm his feelings of ‘paranoia’ (as he describes it) can be understood.

Nobody knew how to react to those events. But to write that into the article, implying extreme right wing motives behind common big-city behaviour does not demonstrate a lot of understanding for the Swedish society.

Finally the Swedish communication culture.

It is a well-known fact that many foreigners find it difficult to engage with Swedes. From my personal experience as a Dutch native living in Stockholm, I can tell Mr. Din that it is not easy and that he was right picking up those signals. However, the motives behind this behaviour are often different and sometimes even nice and honorable.

An example: this summer I was grilling on the barbeque outside my apartment for four nights in a row. To my surprise all the neighbours looked, sometimes smiled, and then quickly walked on.

It was not until the last evening that one neighbour approached me and asked if he could put a korv (sausage) on the barbecue because his wife was not home and he did not feel like cooking. After talking to him I realised that what I mistook for unwillingness to engage (and even rude behavior) was actually my neighbours' way of respecting my privacy.

Respecting each others privacy is highly valued in Sweden. You do not stick your nose where it does not belong and do not interfere with the business of others (at least not openly). Obviously these strict boundaries make it more difficult for foreigners to ‘get in’. It is also very often considered rude by people coming from more communitarian societies such as those found in Asian or Latin American countries.

Another example: when I go out for drinks, I am used to buying a round of drinks for the whole group. Someone else will take the next. But in Sweden one buys a drink for oneself and possibly the person you are talking with.

After a year I still have to remind myself that I am not rude in doing this, nor are others, but that it is just a different social convention. It is actually rude to my Swedish friends if I buy a round for the whole group because It puts them in the difficult position of either having to break the code or be rude to me.

It is also a common misconception that all Swedes communicate well in English. Although most Swedes know English well, that does not mean they are comfortable communicating in it. Try talking to your insurance company in English!

With regard to the Swedish language, it must be said that compared to the language of Shakespeare and Yeats, it is not very refined or courteous. Partially as a result of Sweden's emphasis on egalitarianism (as such, a noble principle) a lot of the polite forms have virtually disappeared. For instance, there is no polite way to start a letter or email. This is not a matter of disrespect but a different way of communicating.

My sincere belief is that what Mr. Din saw as possible racially motivated behavior was in fact a mix of capital-city-arrogance and cultural behavior.

Of course that is no excuse for being rude but with the assumptions Mr. Din made and his implicit racial references, it is no wonder the article sparked the reactions it did.

However I am sure that if his daughter proceeds with her plans to come to Stockholm she will find that although it does take a while to get to know the real Swedes they are just as nice, arrogant, loveable – and yes rude – as the rest of us.

Ruben Brunsveld is the Director of the Stockholm Institute for Public Speaking (StIPS), which offers training in Intercultural Communication, Public Speaking & Negotiation Techniques"

TOPICS: Culture/Society
KEYWORDS: culture; europe; india; punjab; racism; sourcetitlenoturl; stockholm; sweden; tourism
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1 posted on 09/01/2011 1:11:50 PM PDT by WesternCulture
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To: WesternCulture

The article that upper, superior, caste Mr Sieg Heil Din wrote:

2 posted on 09/01/2011 1:12:33 PM PDT by WesternCulture
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To: WesternCulture

I couldn’t be whiter nor look more Swedish. I went to visit my ancestral area in Sweden and they were rude to us, too.

Now... in order to be more Swedish, I’m rude to everyone.

3 posted on 09/01/2011 1:16:15 PM PDT by Winstons Julia (when liberals rant, it's called free speech; when conservatives vent, it's called hate speech.)
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To: WesternCulture
After talking to him I realised that what I mistook for unwillingness to engage (and even rude behavior) was actually my neighbours' way of respecting my privacy.

I grew up in a Norwegion area - the author is spot-on. Even when visiting lifelong neighbors or friends, the intent was that if no one answered the door on the second knock; you quietly left. The assumption was that your friend was either sleeping, entertaining someone, or wanted to be left alone.

So, if you were not doing anything - feel free to stop by; but don't expect automatically that just because your friend is home, that he wants to be bothered. Now, if you had previously made plans - that is another matter.

4 posted on 09/01/2011 1:19:45 PM PDT by Hodar ( Who needs laws; when this FEELS so right?)
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To: WesternCulture
Mr. Suhail Din should now visit Afghanistan or North Korea with his family and compare the experiences...
5 posted on 09/01/2011 1:20:23 PM PDT by 2banana (My common ground with terrorists - they want to die for islam and we want to kill them)
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To: WesternCulture

I think the Swedes are on to something here. I am nice and I try to be polite everywhere I go, but I generaly like to be left alone.

6 posted on 09/01/2011 1:22:43 PM PDT by nerdwithagun (I'd rather go gun to gun then knife to knife.)
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To: WesternCulture

Greta Garbo was Swedish. The famous quote attributed to her that “I want to be alone” was really a misquote. Her actual statement was “I want to be left alone”.

Seems she reflected her culture pretty accurately... /g

7 posted on 09/01/2011 1:34:56 PM PDT by tarheelswamprat
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To: nerdwithagun

Sorry, forgot to include you in post #7.

8 posted on 09/01/2011 1:37:05 PM PDT by tarheelswamprat
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To: WesternCulture

That the Swedes refused to speak Punjabi to Mr. Din was obviously motivated by racism. He could have told them many interesting stories about his grandfather Gunga.

9 posted on 09/01/2011 1:39:23 PM PDT by Verginius Rufus
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To: Winstons Julia

Many people have remarked on “the cold attitude”, and let me tell you I’ve never met a Swede or Sa’ami who struck me as cold ~ and it’s none of your business why I might feel that way.

10 posted on 09/01/2011 2:17:58 PM PDT by muawiyah
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To: muawiyah

My great-grandfather emigrated from Sweden. I got a chance to visit his town in Sweden. The people were cold and seemed unfriendly.

It was a great disappointment. I only report, you decide.

11 posted on 09/01/2011 2:19:47 PM PDT by Winstons Julia (when liberals rant, it's called free speech; when conservatives vent, it's called hate speech.)
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To: Verginius Rufus

I only want to hear about that last fight!

12 posted on 09/01/2011 2:21:14 PM PDT by fini
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To: Hodar

That sounds so midwestern, specifically Nebraskan, Iowan, South and North Dakotan and Minnesotan. Wonder why.

13 posted on 09/01/2011 2:24:15 PM PDT by x_plus_one (Obama's legacy: Trashing the North American continent into a third world hell hole.)
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To: WesternCulture; Lazamataz
But it's true that Swedes really are rude!

In a gesture of diplomatic interrelations, Lazamataz invited each and every member of the Swedish Bikini Team over to see his vast Beer collection (he even has Billy Beer), and you know what?

They ALL turned him down. How Rude was that?

And if you don't believe this really happened, remember, you just read it on the inter-Webs!

14 posted on 09/01/2011 2:30:09 PM PDT by Col Freeper (FR is a smorgasbord of Conservative thoughts and ideas - dig in and enjoy it to its fullest!)
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To: WesternCulture

I never found Swedes to be rude, just rather shy and quite introverted. I found the Norwegians to be much more shy and introverted. I rode on a train once from Oslo to Bergen and it was rare to see someone speak the whole trip.

15 posted on 09/01/2011 2:33:11 PM PDT by Blackandproud
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To: WesternCulture

What about Din’s “racism?” Or is “racism” only from whites?

16 posted on 09/01/2011 2:35:21 PM PDT by junta ("Peace is a racket", testimony from crime boss Barrack Hussein Obama.)
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To: junta

Sounds like Mr. Din does not like those whitey Swedes. He can always travel to brown Pakistan where he doesn’t have to put up with foreigners (whitey).

He’s been in Britian and knows whitey’s place. He found a native white culture in Europe not properly shamed, cowed and cleansed.

Whites must develop the habit of getting back in the race baiter’s face and suggesting he has racist problems within himself and his tribe to take care of before he takes on the problems of the foreigners.

17 posted on 09/01/2011 3:02:57 PM PDT by SaraJohnson
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To: WesternCulture

Suhail Din is a Muslim name. And if he is a Punjabi then most definitely he is from Pakistan. During partition Punjabi Muslims moved over to Western Punjab(Pakistan) and Hindus and Sikhs moved over to Eastern Punjab (India). Besides, Sweden had a large Pakistani migrant population and comparatively a very small Indian population. I will hazard a guess this guys is a Pakistani. And young Pakistani guys have been causing a lot of trouble for Swedish girls.

18 posted on 09/01/2011 3:06:33 PM PDT by ravager
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To: WesternCulture

It’s not racism, it’s jantelaw. Nordic people treat other non-familiar Nordic people like outsiders because of the tradition of jantelaw. He just happened to be an outsider whose skin was brown.

It’s also very common to see it in outstate Minnesota.

19 posted on 09/01/2011 3:15:25 PM PDT by NorthStarStateConservative (Springtime in America will arrive on January 21, 2013.)
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To: 2banana
Umm...Afghanistan is famous for their hospitality.... that is if they don't see you as an invader. And the people of NK aren't all that culturally different from SK and Koreans in general are very polite and humble.
20 posted on 09/01/2011 3:24:15 PM PDT by ravager
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