Family calls 911 after getting lost in corn maze (Massachusetts)

DANVERS, Mass. — An evening stroll through a corn maze took a confusing turn Monday for a family that became disoriented in the rows of corn and called 911 to ask for help.

A father and mother with two children used their cellphone to call Danvers Police at 6:32 p.m. reporting that they were lost in the Connors Farm corn maze. Danvers Officer Justin Ellenton responded to the call and entered the corn maze with Connor’s Farm manager Ritchie Potter to search for the family.

Within nine minutes of entering the maze, Ellenton and Potter found the family. The family had almost found their way out; unbeknownst to them, they were only 25 feet from the street. Police were not releasing the name of the family.

The 7-acre corn maze is a challenging course, said owner of the farm, Bob Connor. This year’s course with a design cut into the corn of the “Salem Village Headless Horseman” may be trickier than years past Connor said. Other designs from previous years included “Eastwood,” with Clint Eastwood’s face emblazoned through the corn, and "Family Guy."

“We had a few people who got a bit lost last year, but they found their way out,” Connor said. “There is no wire or fence around the maze, so if they really want or need to get out all they have to do is listen for the sound of traffic.”

Connor said that the farm has a night security person on hand every night who stays until everybody leaves.

“We make sure there are no cars left in the parking lot. We don’t want to leave anybody behind in the maze,” Connor said. Connor had just left the farm for the evening when he got a call from a friend who had heard on the police scanner that somebody was stuck in the maze.

“They were a really nice family. We offered for them to come back on us and try the maze again – but I think they had enough,” Connors said.

I remember that incident as well as I remember when Al and Billy Goat were touring Monticello and gazing at the busts of George Washington and Thomas Madison, stupid asked “And who are those gentlement?” The next scene showed Billy turning away and looking at the ceiling.

Now here’s a hot piece of news on the fatuous Gore:

Al Gore Addicted to Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation
By Mark Donahue

NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE – Tipper Gore broke her silence this week and opened up about her divorce from former Vice President Al Gore. In an interview with Vibe magazine, Tipper shocked many people close to the family when she disclosed startling details of Al Gore’s predilection for kinky sex. According to the article, husband Al’s metamorphosis from political superstar to super-freak began fairly recently.

“Al began to request unorthodox sexual favors a couple of years ago,” Tipper recalled. “In the beginning I used to react with revulsion, but my therapist taught me that my reactions were having an adverse impact on Al’s self-esteem. With practice I learned to deny his requests while cloaking my disgust with a benign smile.”

Mrs. Gore talked about the first time she encountered her husband participating in actions that she was not accustomed to.

“I’d been out all day shopping and everybody knows how shopping can just zap you of your strength. This was back when Al’s global warming scare tactics really started paying off. I mean, it was like money was falling from the sky! So my shopping sprees were pretty elaborate and physically taxing. Anyway, I left my purchases with our driver while I ran to the kitchen to get some United Nations Approved mineral water and imported sustainable caviar. I opened the door to the pantry and screamed as I fell back against the wall! Al was sitting on the floor dressed as a priest with a plastic bag on his head! This was back when Al was really fat! The plastic was wrapped really tight around his big head and his eyes were bulging and…and I just lost it!”

The Daily Rash was the first to break the news of Al Gore dressing like a priest, listening to people’s confessions and building an ark. Tipper spoke about the first year of her husband’s confession fascination.

“He used to plead for me to confess to him. Beg me to reveal something I’d never told anyone. I didn’t understand any of it! The priest get-up, his fervent desire to hear strangers confess to him. Here was the former vice president of the United States traveling around the world dressed up as a priest! He began frequenting third world countries, venturing into very poor areas and using $5 bills to bribe people to confess. The whole thing frightened me and drove a stake into the heart of our love. Our relationship had deteriorated to such a point that we didn’t even phone each other from separate parts of our large houses anymore!”

[Auto-erotic asphyxiation (AEA) is the practice of cutting off the blood supply to the brain through self-applied suffocation methods while masturbating. Oxygen deficiency in the brain is thought to intensify sensations, producing feelings of giddiness, lightheadedness, or exhilaration that can heighten the orgasmic experience.]

Mrs. Gore said she thinks the unorthodox sexual stuff began after Al Gore began obsessing about getting Tiger Woods to confess to him.

“Al was in Thailand seeking confessions from peasants in small villages when David Carradine asphyxiated himself to death in Bangkok. I was not aware at the time of Al’s insatiable intrigue with that event. It was just a few months later he became obsessed with the Tiger Woods spectacle. He even neglected his global warming scare tactics to read and watch everything about Tiger’s mistresses! He spent an entire month locked in his room watching Tiger stories on TV.”

A close confidante of Mrs. Gore spoke to The Daily Rash on condition of anonymity.

“In the early days, Mr. Gore’s sexual peccadilloes were not so much shocking as they were pitiful. You know, his preoccupation with Bill and Monica. I heard Mrs. Gore yelling one night at her husband to “Get away from me with that cigar you Freak!”

Tipper refused to comment on the recent headlines about her husband’s affair with Laurie David.

“I wish my husband the best in whatever mess he finds himself in. I just want to ask the media to go easy on him. He’s tried so hard his entire life to be liked. Here’s a man who’s been a senator and the vice president of the United States! He’s won an Emmy, a Grammy, an Academy award and the Nobel Peace Prize! And now, after successfully convincing millions that because of global warming they are going to die agonizing deaths, he spends all his time alone in a room with his plastic bags and his confessions!”

A Huffington Post insider told The Daily Rash that Al Gore has denied all of his wife’s accusations in an upcoming blog on the site.

“He denies everything unequivocally. But he does add that if any of it were true, he wants to assure everyone that he would be using recyclable plastic bags.”

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