Posted on 04/18/2012 6:59:33 AM PDT by Kaslin
Culture Challenge of the Week: Finding A Good Man
Call it the lament of the young, single woman: there are no good men left. Or if there are, where are they? And how can a young woman pursue a healthy, marriage-minded relationship in a singles culture of casual sex and perpetual adolescence?
In her new book, The Jane Austen Guide to Happily Ever After (Regnery Publishing, 2012), Elizabeth Kantor provides some answers. She writes, “Of course it’s no secret that modern mating rituals have gone badly wrong.” And indeed they have: the number of cohabitating couples has doubled in the past twenty years, and the marriage rate has dropped precipitously. Many singles find themselves on a path to lifelong singlehood, not necessarily by choice. And even within relationships, time-honored ideals---like fidelity—increasingly fall by the wayside. (A recent Match.com survey found that only 62% of men believe that sexual fidelity is a “must have” in a relationship. In comparison, 80% of women say fidelity is a must for a successful relationship.)
Happily Ever After offers a thought-provoking, encouraging, and often witty take on what’s wrong with today’s dating patterns. Even better, Kantor draws on the wisdom and insights of Jane Austen’s heroines to mark out a confident path for young women who want a good man and a relationship that will deliver a lifetime of happiness—and love—in marriage.
Kantor asks, "What is it that Jane Austen heroines do (that we’re not doing) that makes really satisfying happy endings possible for them, and not so likely for us?"
The author’s interpretation of Jane Austen—whose old, romantic novels became modern box office hits--suggests a model for young women who want lasting, happy relationships. Modern-day Jane Austen “heroines” should cultivate “true elegance” instead of “hotness,” demand love without humiliation, develop competence about men, respect their own female psychology, and take relationships seriously.
How to Save Your Family: Share Happily Ever After
Today’s singles often seem clueless about what makes a relationship work or even what they should hope it will include. And for women, it’s even more confusing. Feminist thought urges women to plan their futures with a single-minded career focus, leaving little room for men, marriage, and children. Young women may fall into the trap of pursuing personal autonomy and career success with little thought about relationships, marriage, and family—until they find themselves lonely and alone.
Kantor resists the notion that a Jane Austen-style approach to relationships requires “a life of pre-feminist misery and oppression.” But she stresses that it’s reasonable for women to “spend significant intellectual and emotional capital on our relationships—but in the right way, not the wrong way.”
What’s the right way? Neither romantic illusions, nor Victorian repression, nor modern cynicism. Instead, Kantor writes, women need to understand the real meaning of love and happiness—and settle for nothing less.
Sprinkled throughout the book are “Tips” for “Janeites,” little nuggets of good advice, like these:
-“Stop making the same old bad choices about men before those choices ‘fix’ your character, freezing you into habits you may not be able to break out of.”
-“Drama is not the same thing as love.” (Who really wants a Kardashian-style relationship?)
-“Keep your distance, not to increase his love by suspense—but so you can make up your mind about a man while you can still see him clearly.” (An important point for a generation that too easily moves from the bar to the bedroom to sharing an apartment.)
At the end of each chapter, Kantor frames questions to help readers assess their own relationships. In easy to read bullet points, she helps women probe the strengths and weaknesses of their current relationships. And in true Jane Austen style, she urges them to have the boldness to “arrange their own marriages”—to choose wisely and decide fearlessly if a relationship is likely to secure a happy future.
And the Jane Austen promise? That love and happiness go together: women can live “happily ever after” marriages if they recognize, expect, and pursue true love.
ShareThe Jane Austen Guide to Happily Ever After with your daughters – and all the single women you know.
Are you a woman or a man?
As much as the majority of people don't want to acknowledge this, it is true.
In the bigger picture, men are generally builders and warriors, women are reasons for building and combat, and men will engage when the reasons are worthwhile.
Quickly building becomes a society, and combat becomes protection, and the reasons are still worthwhile.
Looking a little farther, women are also similar to society, culture, and nation, men will support and protect that which is worthwhile. Note that in western languages major constructs (nations, societies, ships, buildings ect) are assigned the feminine pronoun for reference.
Men build and protect entire civilizations for women.
The big problems come when a large number of women become unworthy of the effort, there is much less motivation to produce and protect. Finally, if a man is not allowed to keep enough of his production for himself to make his life bearable, the societal construct will not be maintained or protected, then we start over.
Romantic, isn't it, I expect to hear from the gals shortly.
Check out the website www.themarriagebed.com. (I am not affiliated in any way) It’s a Christian marriage & relationship forum. Lots of people in many different situations go there to ask questions, share advice and offer encouragement.
Many of the forum topics are very blunt, so it’s not for the easily offended... I wouldn’t let the wife know you are interested in the site, though. She’ll interpret it that you are trying to figure out what is wrong with her, and that’s not what you need right now. Anyway, that’s my free advice of the day; worth every penny. ;)
She was lucky to have such a good man and I’m sorry you lost such a loving wife.
...then you’re in my prayers sir! Finding a “virtuous woman” is very hard these days. I know that my wife would never leave or cheat on me, that’s hard enough to find - so I consider myself quite lucky.
In general I think it’s becoming obvious just how lost the world is becoming. We behave like children, and it’s not getting better. All of this “man made” wisdom is coming to fruition...I wonder what we’ll do then ;)
She's already left the marriage then. Once you can no longer come together physically it's simply a matter of time before one or other says it's done. She's saying it's done, but wants him to be the one to call it.
Bushmills? That’s protestant whiskey. Jameson! :)
...I wouldn’t mind the entire list! :)
Despite the feminists there are still some of us who weren’t a part of that nonesense. ..never were.
But I can’t say I would blame men for looking outside the country. There’s very few young ladies today who remotely understand what relationships are and are completely self-centered.
For a worldy man there’s no reason to get married...he can have it all without a commitment to one woman...and woman have made that possible.
Why should he do those things? What’s the return value for the investment today?
BTW....whoever wrote that is looking for a Father not a Husband.
Sorry, no, that's not near enough for many floozies (and sadly, it seems that nowadays, most women are floozies).
My brother held a job. Worked 12 hours a day to make a decent living so that he and his wife could afford to own a home and send their kids to Catholic school.
My brother “stayed zipped and was faithful.”
My brother has never touched drugs, and eventually gave up even social drinking to keep the household budget on track. See “homeownership and Catholic school” above.
My brother never hit his wife.
And indeed, none of the above were the reasons she gave me for divorcing him. Here's what she told me, herself:
- he works too many hours;
- he's put on weight.
Yep - that's it. 10 years of marriage and two kids, and, well, he works too many hours and got pudgy.
The real reason was that she was screwing everything with a protrusion that would risk disease with her (including my sister's husband) and she'd taken a training course or two in computer programming and her high school-educated blue-collar husband just wasn't snazzy enough anymore.
I'd call her a whore, but even a whore has some idea (though misguided) of her own value.
sitetest
Typical male response.
I'm a woman just for the record... And will say again whoever wrote that is looking for a Father not a husband. Read it again... it's obvious.
[If she loves you, she shows it by making an effort to make you happy.]
That’s true, but it’s a two way street. A ‘giver’ finally stops giving when they receive nothing in return.
I don't know all the details. Just get snippets in between set's at the weight racks. I think she loves him just not interested in the sex part.
You notice the last part of my post was "(and yes, it works in the other direction too)".
A relationship works when each party values what they get from the other, and considers the cost of keeping the other happy to be more than worth the benefit they get from the work the other person performs to make them happy.
A relationship is in deep trouble when one or both parties decides it's too much work to keep the other happy.
And it's also only about "me, me ,me". If I met a woman like that I would run like the wind.
Well if she’s in her 40’s or close to it might just be she’s pre-menapausal and needs hormones. Suggest to him to have her hormone levels checked. If she refuses then he has his answer...she’s done.
A friend of mine had the experience of his wife losing interest in sex with him. Turns out she still was interested in sex, just not with him.
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