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Jane Austenís Advice: Choose the Right Man and Live Happily Ever After
Townhall.com ^ | April 18, 2012 | Rebecca Hagelin

Posted on 04/18/2012 6:59:33 AM PDT by Kaslin

Culture Challenge of the Week:  Finding A Good Man

Call it the lament of the young, single woman: there are no good men left. Or if there are, where are they? And how can a young woman pursue a healthy, marriage-minded relationship in a singles culture of casual sex and perpetual adolescence?

In her new book, The Jane Austen Guide to Happily Ever After (Regnery Publishing, 2012), Elizabeth Kantor provides some answers. She writes, “Of course it’s no secret that modern mating rituals have gone badly wrong.” And indeed they have: the number of cohabitating couples has doubled in the past twenty years, and the marriage rate has dropped precipitously. Many singles find themselves on a path to lifelong singlehood, not necessarily by choice. And even within relationships, time-honored ideals---like fidelity—increasingly fall by the wayside. (A recent Match.com survey found that only 62% of men believe that sexual fidelity is a “must have” in a relationship. In comparison, 80% of women say fidelity is a must for a successful relationship.)

Happily Ever After offers a thought-provoking, encouraging, and often witty take on what’s wrong with today’s dating patterns. Even better, Kantor draws on the wisdom and insights of Jane Austen’s heroines to mark out a confident path for young women who want a good man and a relationship that will deliver a lifetime of happiness—and love—in marriage.

Kantor asks, "What is it that Jane Austen heroines do (that we’re not doing) that makes really satisfying happy endings possible for them, and not so likely for us?"

The author’s interpretation of Jane Austen—whose old, romantic novels became modern box office hits--suggests a model for young women who want lasting, happy relationships. Modern-day Jane Austen “heroines” should cultivate “true elegance” instead of “hotness,” demand love without humiliation, develop competence about men, respect their own female psychology, and take relationships seriously.

How to Save Your Family: Share Happily Ever After

Today’s singles often seem clueless about what makes a relationship work or even what they should hope it will include. And for women, it’s even more confusing. Feminist thought urges women to plan their futures with a single-minded career focus, leaving little room for men, marriage, and children.  Young women may fall into the trap of pursuing personal autonomy and career success with little thought about relationships, marriage, and family—until they find themselves lonely and alone.

Kantor resists the notion that a Jane Austen-style approach to relationships requires “a life of pre-feminist misery and oppression.” But she stresses that it’s reasonable for women to “spend significant intellectual and emotional capital on our relationships—but in the right way, not the wrong way.”

What’s the right way? Neither romantic illusions, nor Victorian repression, nor modern cynicism.  Instead, Kantor writes, women need to understand the real meaning of love and happiness—and settle for nothing less.

Sprinkled throughout the book are “Tips” for “Janeites,” little nuggets of good advice, like these:

-“Stop making the same old bad choices about men before those choices ‘fix’ your character, freezing you into habits you may not be able to break out of.” 

-“Drama is not the same thing as love.” (Who really wants a Kardashian-style relationship?)

-“Keep your distance, not to increase his love by suspense—but so you can make up your mind about a man while you can still see him clearly.” (An important point for a generation that too easily moves from the bar to the bedroom to sharing an apartment.)

At the end of each chapter, Kantor frames questions to help readers assess their own relationships.  In easy to read bullet points, she helps women probe the strengths and weaknesses of their current relationships. And in true Jane Austen style, she urges them to have the boldness to “arrange their own marriages”—to choose wisely and decide fearlessly if a relationship is likely to secure a happy future.

And the Jane Austen promise? That love and happiness go together: women can live “happily ever after” marriages if they recognize, expect, and pursue true love.

ShareThe Jane Austen Guide to Happily Ever After with your daughters – and all the single women you know.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial
KEYWORDS: culturewar; feminism; happiness; janeausten; janeaustin; marriage; moralabsolutes
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To: cuban leaf

From what I hear, there is a growing business in American men seeking women from other countries, such as the Philipines, Colombia, and the former Soviet Union.

And, among the reasons these men give for seeking females from other countries, is that they want a woman who was not raised with modern American feminist values.

If the shoe fits, wear it, American women.


41 posted on 04/18/2012 7:35:11 AM PDT by Dilbert San Diego
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To: strider44

It got better when they added zombies. Not a whole lot better, but everything is better with zombies.
42 posted on 04/18/2012 7:35:32 AM PDT by GonzoGOP (There are millions of paranoid people in the world and they are all out to get me.)
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To: trailhkr1

yeah well that is according to him. Have you asked her for her side of the story?


43 posted on 04/18/2012 7:35:44 AM PDT by yldstrk ( My heroes have always been cowboys)
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To: yldstrk

Nope, married 33 years.............


44 posted on 04/18/2012 7:35:44 AM PDT by Red Badger (Think logically. Act normally.................)
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To: Red Badger

>>P&P as a comic book?????........ <<

Kind of. More like a Graphic Novel.
It’s the only way she could stomach it. She draws a lot so it was appealing.


45 posted on 04/18/2012 7:37:27 AM PDT by netmilsmom (I am Breitbart)
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To: WhyisaTexasgirlinPA

I would also highly recommend the Charles Dickens novel “Great Expectations”..........


46 posted on 04/18/2012 7:39:39 AM PDT by Red Badger (Think logically. Act normally.................)
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To: yldstrk
Funny....first of ever heard of such a thing...guess the Marine Corps replaced all that hokey poky with what it takes to be a real man....never need any bs like that to make my way in the world....
47 posted on 04/18/2012 7:40:29 AM PDT by rightwingextremist1776
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To: Dilbert San Diego

The sad part is that I have this belief while I also have three very attractive single daughters ranging in age from 24-30.

I love them all very much but two of them I would not wish on any man and I’m not so sure about the third.


48 posted on 04/18/2012 7:40:29 AM PDT by cuban leaf (Were doomed! Details at eleven.)
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To: trailhkr1

Your friend in his 40s should pack his bags. He won’t be halfway out the door when her libido will suddenly come rushing back. Take it from me.


49 posted on 04/18/2012 7:41:12 AM PDT by Larry Lucido
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To: UCANSEE2
Because most of the women are lesbians

Not sure about lesbo's but ton's of bi women out there-even married women who have special friends on the side. You have no idea.

A friend sent me a link to a free site where you type in your zip code and it shows women(naked pics and all) looking for other women and 90% are married. I grew up in an rural area of 3500 people and there were over 60 women(age 18-65) looking for other women within 5 miles of my zip code.

I personally know or know of 12-15 of these women and I had no idea that were bi. Many are business owners, college degrees and many are attractive.

50 posted on 04/18/2012 7:41:55 AM PDT by trailhkr1 (All you need to know about Zimmerman, innocent = riots, manslaughter = riots, guilty = riots)
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To: yldstrk
I have a good job, stay zipped, don't get drunk, and never hit.

Trust me when I say that many feminism polluted wives will still...
1. Spend it all
2. Say no for weeks and months on end
3. Get drunk
4. Hit thier husbands

Ain't so simple now is it sister ?!

51 posted on 04/18/2012 7:42:24 AM PDT by SENTINEL (Romney is to Conservatism what Mormonism is to Christianity.)
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To: rightwingextremist1776

well a lot of these punks would do well to try to get themselves some military experience. Many a time have I heard some guy say the military was the making of him.


52 posted on 04/18/2012 7:42:35 AM PDT by yldstrk ( My heroes have always been cowboys)
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To: Petruchio; Yorlik803; ryan71; boxerblues; Hammy; DollyCali; DaveLoneRanger; BigSkyFreeper; snugs; ..

53 posted on 04/18/2012 7:44:01 AM PDT by RandallFlagg (Look for the union label, then buy elsewhere.)
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To: yldstrk

>>yeah well that is according to him. Have you asked her for her side of the story?<<

Truth be told.
My husband’s boss told about the same story except with the wife addicted to pot and with imaginary lymes disease.

He is retired and now divorcing her. The son works there and is telling the REAL story. He was supplying so he could keep her quiet and when out to play with his biker friends. She was miserable and drugged.


54 posted on 04/18/2012 7:44:07 AM PDT by netmilsmom (I am Breitbart)
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To: Kaslin

Too many females are looking for guys that look like Clark Gable, have money like Gates, party, party, party. They need to look at the real world, get off of this dream world of theirs and look for qualities in a man. Look for the most ambitious, hard working, common sense, best ditch digger so be it and someone who has faith in God and you will be happy. Most females are too phony to know what they could be happy with.


55 posted on 04/18/2012 7:44:22 AM PDT by YukonGreen
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To: yldstrk

because it is....or it used to be. Not so sure any more...The goons have spoiled that as well.


56 posted on 04/18/2012 7:44:56 AM PDT by rightwingextremist1776
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To: Dilbert San Diego

Only losers do the mail order bride thing. Wake up. The “brides” want one thing, citizenship papers, then they will gone like the wind to seek their fortunes elsewhere. Don’t be fooled.


57 posted on 04/18/2012 7:45:13 AM PDT by yldstrk ( My heroes have always been cowboys)
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To: trailhkr1

California, nuff said.


58 posted on 04/18/2012 7:46:27 AM PDT by netmilsmom (I am Breitbart)
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To: Kaslin

Too many females are looking for guys that look like Clark Gable, have money like Gates, party, party, party. They need to look at the real world, get off of this dream world of theirs and look for qualities in a man. Look for the most ambitious, hard working, common sense, best ditch digger so be it and someone who has faith in God and you will be happy. Most females are too phony to know what they could be happy with.


59 posted on 04/18/2012 7:47:03 AM PDT by YukonGreen
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To: yldstrk

No incentive to.

Finding someone who will respect and complement those simple points - instead of take advantage of them - IS a big challenge ... big enough that many find no incentive to try.


60 posted on 04/18/2012 7:48:28 AM PDT by ctdonath2 ($1 meals: http://abuckaplate.blogspot.com/)
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