Posted on 04/18/2012 6:59:33 AM PDT by Kaslin
Culture Challenge of the Week: Finding A Good Man
Call it the lament of the young, single woman: there are no good men left. Or if there are, where are they? And how can a young woman pursue a healthy, marriage-minded relationship in a singles culture of casual sex and perpetual adolescence?
In her new book, The Jane Austen Guide to Happily Ever After (Regnery Publishing, 2012), Elizabeth Kantor provides some answers. She writes, “Of course it’s no secret that modern mating rituals have gone badly wrong.” And indeed they have: the number of cohabitating couples has doubled in the past twenty years, and the marriage rate has dropped precipitously. Many singles find themselves on a path to lifelong singlehood, not necessarily by choice. And even within relationships, time-honored ideals---like fidelity—increasingly fall by the wayside. (A recent Match.com survey found that only 62% of men believe that sexual fidelity is a “must have” in a relationship. In comparison, 80% of women say fidelity is a must for a successful relationship.)
Happily Ever After offers a thought-provoking, encouraging, and often witty take on what’s wrong with today’s dating patterns. Even better, Kantor draws on the wisdom and insights of Jane Austen’s heroines to mark out a confident path for young women who want a good man and a relationship that will deliver a lifetime of happiness—and love—in marriage.
Kantor asks, "What is it that Jane Austen heroines do (that we’re not doing) that makes really satisfying happy endings possible for them, and not so likely for us?"
The author’s interpretation of Jane Austen—whose old, romantic novels became modern box office hits--suggests a model for young women who want lasting, happy relationships. Modern-day Jane Austen “heroines” should cultivate “true elegance” instead of “hotness,” demand love without humiliation, develop competence about men, respect their own female psychology, and take relationships seriously.
How to Save Your Family: Share Happily Ever After
Today’s singles often seem clueless about what makes a relationship work or even what they should hope it will include. And for women, it’s even more confusing. Feminist thought urges women to plan their futures with a single-minded career focus, leaving little room for men, marriage, and children. Young women may fall into the trap of pursuing personal autonomy and career success with little thought about relationships, marriage, and family—until they find themselves lonely and alone.
Kantor resists the notion that a Jane Austen-style approach to relationships requires “a life of pre-feminist misery and oppression.” But she stresses that it’s reasonable for women to “spend significant intellectual and emotional capital on our relationships—but in the right way, not the wrong way.”
What’s the right way? Neither romantic illusions, nor Victorian repression, nor modern cynicism. Instead, Kantor writes, women need to understand the real meaning of love and happiness—and settle for nothing less.
Sprinkled throughout the book are “Tips” for “Janeites,” little nuggets of good advice, like these:
-“Stop making the same old bad choices about men before those choices ‘fix’ your character, freezing you into habits you may not be able to break out of.”
-“Drama is not the same thing as love.” (Who really wants a Kardashian-style relationship?)
-“Keep your distance, not to increase his love by suspense—but so you can make up your mind about a man while you can still see him clearly.” (An important point for a generation that too easily moves from the bar to the bedroom to sharing an apartment.)
At the end of each chapter, Kantor frames questions to help readers assess their own relationships. In easy to read bullet points, she helps women probe the strengths and weaknesses of their current relationships. And in true Jane Austen style, she urges them to have the boldness to “arrange their own marriages”—to choose wisely and decide fearlessly if a relationship is likely to secure a happy future.
And the Jane Austen promise? That love and happiness go together: women can live “happily ever after” marriages if they recognize, expect, and pursue true love.
ShareThe Jane Austen Guide to Happily Ever After with your daughters – and all the single women you know.
So if men marry a woman from another place, and refuse the local women, they are losers? You reveal much about yourself with that statement. Ask any man, anywhere, and you’ll repeatedly hear how American women are the worst wives on the planet.
Then ask women everywhere else, who live with true misogynists, who the best husbands on earth are,,
And if foreigners only marry American men for papers,, where are all the foreign men clamoring to marry American woman for papers?
And I love that last one,, she is only after what she wants, then will leave him. You think the way to avoid that syndrome is to marry an American woman! Yeahhhhh,, they’ll never marry a guy for what he can do for them, then walk away a few years later with half and more. You need to wake up, to the reality that most men here face. Lol,,,
I guess if we are losers anyway, why would we care what you think? Why would you care WHO we losers find some happiness with? Btw,, I seem to notice,, the fastest way to be called a loser, is to laugh and turn your back on American women. They hate rejection,,,
Tell her to find a Young's Republican club near her. My neice and our daughter went to meetings and both found their husbands (our daughter is getting married next week) there.
My advice is that your daughter take a good look at the guys she put into the friend catagory. That will do her more good than anything else. Mr. right may already be in her life, but told he’s too nice.
Women say those traits are what they wanted, but those traits aren’t “sexy”. Christian women are just as prone to worldly dating patterns as anyone. I’m ino my church singles group, and I’ve seen it happen. I know this sounds like advice from a looser. women love being my friend, but if a man is such a wasted of time, why be his friend at all unless you already know better?
Can a good man enjoy a glass of Irish whiskey anymore?
I agree...yet....
Women do not respect men. They’re taught to be “empowered” and be dominant in the relationship. They’re also more likely (several studies have shown) to instigate violence. To me, today’s “women” are not the type of women that drives a man to be fully committed. Abortion, while hailed as “progress” for women, was nothing more than a win for promiscuous men (and women), it reduced the respect that men have for women. Now we have women behaving like promiscuous men - which doesn’t provide a foundation for respect from men.
Women are very good at pointing out the failings of today’s men but refuse to look at what they may be doing to contribute to the situation.
As a man, I’d die for my wife, I’ll work tirelessly, etc...at the end of the day, all I need is a little respect - which is then returned in love. I see far too many women these days seeing “their man” as nothing more than somebody that should treat them like a queen while they behave like a spoiled brat that appreciates nothing. Ultimately, they’re very selfish.
It’s always about the “problem with men”, when really both sides have gone off the rails.
Everybody gets the 22 vs 65 yr old thing,, or that weirdo Petersen guy who killed all his foreign wives. But other, more normal men, find amazing women there, with incredible educations, class, and a feminine side that is rooted out like a weed in our universities.
Getting to truly know a Russian or eastern bloc woman, is like waking up from a nightmare you didn’t even know you were in.
If I may ask, where is she looking?
From my perspective, finding a conservative, Christian woman is a pretty tall order as well.
I'm an Eagle Scout and a US Marine Combat Veteran......And I consider the crowning achievement of my life not returning a closed fist punch to the nose my first wife gave me during an argument.
The crowning achievement of my life.
Women have been terribly propagandized that:
1) They *must* become sexually active at as young an age as possible, even before adolescence, or they are to be vilified as “unattractive”, “unpopular”, and “unwanted”. Above all else, they *must* lose their virginity.
2) The purpose of sex is *just* pleasure, not reproduction, and is enabled by birth control, abortion, a multitude of sexual partners, frequent masturbation, and aversion to marriage or at least to see marriage as “just a piece of paper”. A convenience. All STDs can be cured. And homosexual experimentation is to be encouraged as “harmless fun”.
3) Single parenthood is seen as a viable option. This is extremely dangerous, because children, especially boys, raised by single mothers have a 60% greater chance of becoming criminal offenders. This threatens all society.
The bottom line is that this propaganda is not just a lie, but very dangerous to the health, well-being, and reproductive health of women. Typically, girls and boys do *not* have healthy sexual relationships, but are convinced beyond doubt that all their peers do, and they personally are failures for not having several sexual relationships while still in school.
Those girls who are openly attacked are those that advocate abstinence, which has become a political issue, and they get considerable pressure to shut up and not encourage their peers to protect themselves and their future offspring.
And yes, it is the Democrat party behind a lot of this social pressure.
Children need parental and social guidance to the effect:
1) Very few of their peers are sexually active on a regular basis, and those that are were often molested as young children, likely by family members. A larger group have had sex, “for the sake of having it and not being a virgin anymore.” They could not take the social and peer pressure. Likely they also did not enjoy their experience, and after a brief period of infatuation, want nothing else to do with the person they had sex with.
2) Their peers and they have been under intense pressure and propaganda, which has made many of them deeply insecure about their sexuality. This will make future relations with the opposite sex much harder. They will also frequently experience “performance anxiety”, expecting to act and for their partner to act, like porn stars.
3) Sex is far less important that making strong social bonds with those of the opposite gender. Not easy, as again they have been propagandized that all relationships *must* be flirtatious and sexual in character. Many descend to just a level of crudeness: “Have sex with me or I won’t talk to you”, is a red flag; though some people will respond to such bluntness. It is always a mistake.
Social bonds are 70% of marriage. Privacy is 25%. Sex is the other 5%, if that. If a marriage is falling apart, having children will not make it stronger.
4) Sex and children are physically and energetically taxing. Many people are so internally weak that they should never even try to have children. Some have enough for children, but have to reserve sex just for that purpose, or they won’t have enough. And there are the lucky few who have enough for both purposes, but they are not as common as you might imagine.
And there are also a goodly number of people who are so internally weak that even though they “sort of” want to have sex, they don’t go to the effort of trying to get sex, so are effectively “asexual”.
5) Pornography is both ridiculous and destructive. Even porn actors admit that in private they do not have sex like that, it is strictly for the camera. The saying that “most sex is mental” is quite accurate.
Strikingly absent from this Austen technique, is the -slightest- thought as to what makes a man feel loved and happy, and how she can create that for a man she likes. Selfish selfish selfish,,, the whole matter in a nutshell.
They are out there. (I'm taken, though).
I think a big issue is female hypergamy, wherein women decide that the men who would be interested in them are not good enough, and the men who are "good enough" have so many women chasing after them that they have no incentive to commit to any one woman. From the woman's perspective, a guy may seem to be "Mr Right", while the guy looks upon the woman as "Miss Good Enough For Tonight".
Another thing driving it is that many (most?) women would rather stay home than go out with a guy who does not meet their standards, while many(most?) guys would rather go out with their best available option than stay home, while still keeping their eyes open for a better deal.
I did not appreciate Dickens at all until I got older.
Now, “Tale of Two Cities”, “Great Expectations” and “David Copperfield” are high on the list of my favorite books.
Especially “Tale of Two Cities”. Breathtakingly scary, a novel written in the 19th Century that perfectly captures the essence of liberals at work.
yep
In my experience, the men I know detest that kind of thing.
The only “men” who like that kind of thing are likely pear-shaped, liberal, sitzwinkler men.
Women want to be desired; men want to be admired.
>>You live a sheltered life. <<
*snicker* More like upstanding life. I’m married to my mate.
AND don’t troll on lesbian websites to see who I can catch being naughty at a time when being “gay” is the big thing. Used to be “wiccan” made you a big deal, now it’s “gay”.
In ten years there will be more Hasbians than Lesbians.
Kids involved? that can make all the difference.
“sitzwinkler” ?
(google google google... oh. You meant “sitzpinkler”)
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