Dear Queen:
I'm sorry that you had to tolerate our Royal Idiots when they broke with protocol and touched you on your imperial butt ... and humiliated you by interrupting a toast to you, the sovereign, with a pitiful campaign speech ... and in exchange for your priceless gifts, sent you CD of songs that wouldn't play on British CD players ... and moved a bust of Winston Churchill out of the White House ... and called on you in attire that you wouldn't consider respectful even if worn by ignorant savages on the African savanna ... but look at it this way ... how would you like to put up with the Hee Haw's every day ... and a fawning main stream media who constantly kiss their arses ... and pay for the their regal expenses ... and worse of all, live with their stupid mistakes!
Signed,
/Zak
P.S. I also understand why you didn't invite the Big Boob and Moo Shell to the Royal Wedding.