Skip to comments.The Recipe for Happiness? An Enduring Marriage and an Affair With Lots of Sex
Posted on 08/20/2012 11:40:25 AM PDT by nickcarraway
The setting is the quiet corner of an Italian restaurant in the City; the players are George, an IT specialist, and Zoe, who wears a pretty dress and a big smile; they drink an especially good bottle of wine and when they get to coffee he reaches over and kisses her on the mouth. She surprises him by kissing him back. To onlookers it might be the classic opening scene of a traditional romance.
Yet both parties are married to other people, whom they have no intention of leaving. Although they will go on to enjoy all the spoils of a relationship, from intimate phone calls to Christmas shopping trips and, of course, regular sex, this is understood from the outset. They are in fact launching into a playfair, a 21st-century affair in which would-be adulterers meet, via specialist dating websites, to enjoy the excitement of an illicit relationship without any of the domestic fallout.
Alongside the internet dating revolution, these playfairs are evidence of a potentially dramatic shift in British marriage. As dating websites open up a global shop window of sexual possibilities, as life expectancy continues to rise and we become increasingly sexually aware, how can we still take the crushing old rules of fidelity, that turn marriage into a prison, for granted? Why should we not be able to recapture the heady thrills of youth, while protecting a secure home life? The time has come, alongside the technology, to redraw the rules of marriage for the 21st century. Just as the Pill opened up premarital sex in the Sixties, the internet is opening up a whole new culture of affairs among married people. Sex has become a major leisure activity of our time, accessible to everyone, married or not, rich and poor. Its time to start honing
(Excerpt) Read more at telegraph.co.uk ...
If a married couple isn’t having regular, fulfilling sex - something is wrong.
There are other reasons for infidelity with preservation of the marriage. I have seen several: husband a mean stingy SOB who wouldn’t even let his wife eat one of several steaks he bought, only one example; an alcoholic mate who nevertheless is the prime breadwinner; a wife with an attractive husband who nevertheless only is willing to have sex with him 2 or 3 times a year. Children involved in the decisions to stay.
Hmmm. Seems the Telegraph has a meme today:
Puritan view of adultery turns Brits into ‘caged animals’ says academic
Telegraph (UK) ^ | By John Bingham, Social Affairs Editor | 7:00AM BST 20 Aug 2012
Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.
a wife with an attractive husband who nevertheless only is willing to have sex with him 2 or 3 times a year.
They've already left emotionally, and sinned by breaking the covenant of marriage.
Everyone in the family suffers when one member of the family chooses to break the familial covenant.
Consider, the kind of woman who will put her profile on a website for older married men who want some sex on the side, will generally be a call girl looking for customers.
“During sex my [wife] always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.”
Perhaps the “attractive” wife is not frigid at all...
But all the elements of that were in the Communist goals back in '63.
Wrecking the family, the most basic governmental unit, leaves a vacuum the State can fill, a thought totalitarians love...
You know, this article isn’t really about “open marriage”, otherwise why would the people worry about being “discovered”.
Nope. This is advocating couples cheating on each other separately.
It will be 39 for me in 3 1/2 weeks. Angry? Yes. Irritated? Yes. Bored? Never
This is how the British behaved after the Restoration in 1660. These arrangements were known as “French marriages.” The trend ended publicly in 1837 with the accession of Queen Victoria.
“Everyone in the family suffers when one member of the family chooses to break the familial covenant.”
That includes extended family, too. It took me years to forgive an uncle that committed adultery. It destroyed his family, relationship with extended family, and his wife died just a few years later. On the day of my uncle’s funeral, my husband confessed to adultery. It’s not only effected my daughter and me, but my sister’s families, my parents, friends and professional relationships. The fallout can be huge.
From observation, that is what the situations degenerated into.
If there is commitment, why mess with that? If not, why marry?
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
“...other reasons for infidelity with preservation
of the marriage.”
In the extreme, your examples
are grounds for divorce.
It’s amazing how you also can
work things out within yourself
and watch your relationships
“I didn’t know how incredibly
irritating I was to my spouse.
When I saw and fixed my own
inner problems, my marriage
was on the way to being mended.”
Yes, the beer does help numb the lower back pain.
Its so simple, its stupid. If you’re horny, and married ... bed the one you have. She’s right there. Go get ‘er.
There is this bizarre pride in ass-backward morality — beyond even making excuses for stupidity. Degenerate people seemt to have convinced themselves they occupy the moral high ground. She seems to make the argument that, not only are affairs alright ... but that they are the only responsible choice and the real secret to a secure marriage.
She’s going to be up for a sad awakening at some point. There’s a damn good reason marriages like this never work out. One woman is all the emotional complexity most marriages can take (haha). Somebody’s gonna get burned.
Up is down, wrong is right ... dogs and cats living together ... mass hysteria.
I think it's a cycle: she's not in the mood, so he jacks off to porn, and then decides that jacking off to porn is easier than doing whatever it takes to get her in the mood.
Personally, if she's in the mood less than once a week, then she loses any right to complain about how he gets his sexual release.
“how can we still take the crushing old rules of fidelity, that turn marriage into a prison, for granted?”
What an unutterably sad commentary. Mrs. Colonel and I celebrated 27 years of monogamous, happy, satisfying marriage last Friday.
My goodness, he should have figured out she was frigid before marrying her.
My observation is that in cases where the wife has lost interest in sex, one should investigate the possibility that she hasn't lost interest in sex, just sex WITH HER HUSBAND.