Posted on 12/10/2012 10:20:39 PM PST by WilliamIII
Separated parents squabbling over who gets to spend time with their children over the Christmas period will have to resolve their disputes themselves this year, as many courts are already fully booked before the festive break, a group of family lawyers said this week. Applications to courts from parents trying to make arrangements for contact with their children now need the couple to show evidence that they have tried to resolve their issues themselves through mediation, except in very urgent cases or those involving harm. “Christmas can be a very difficult time for families that are separated or divorced and this can take a huge toll on the children involved,” said Alison Hawes, a family lawyer at Irwin Mitchell, which has a network of specialists across the country. “We advise the parents we support to consider practical compromises, to make sure children aren’t caught in the cross-fire and to try to remember that the festive period is mainly for children to enjoy, rather than for parents to try to score points.
(Excerpt) Read more at telegraph.co.uk ...
With dad and his 20 year younger girlfriend at the beach in Key West.
Stanne, Your comments are very interesting to me. Apparently your experiences in this area are very similar to mine and I am agreeing with your viewpoint. It is nice to be validated.
“The parent who broke their vows is the one left behind and the one who is abandoned to pick up and put together the pieces of a family has the kids”
Who gets to decide who is at fault? The man who is forced out of the home or the woman who almost automatically gets custody, leaving the children to hear only her side of the story?
By the way, I’m happily married and have 4 adult children, on their own and 2 minor children still at home but I have seen too much of it over the years. It’s basically the man has to pay and pay and pay and has very little contact or influence in the lives of their children - not by choice but by court order.
If your circumstances are different, in my experience, you are the exception, not the rule.
It's that way everywhere, as I stated in my previous post, I am not in that situation. The judicial system is slanted, there's no other answer.
My point is that the parent who is at fault, if either one has some maturity, knows by the maturity and sincerity of the other, who, as I have already stated, NEVER ( I said it quite a few times, never) talks bad about the other.
THe one at fault can see that the kids are fine and they don’t need to interfere not even to please the busy body parent (grandmother). The one at fault has to let go, when the other acts no vindictive and mature, and all end up doing what’s best for the children. A prent never talks bad about another parent to the child. It does lasting damage to and hurts only the child.
In this situation, holidays are easy. the one at fault stays out of it and goes on their selfish way. The keds move on, as they will eventually do anyway. 18 yo comes quick
At IKEA with the other little monkeys??? :)
Stanne, as a grandparent who is about to go through seeing their daughter get a divorce with two adorable kids, what do you mean about the grandparents being the worst offenders, how does that work. It’s their decision we haven’t said a word and don’t plan on it.
That’s the idea. Eventually the kids will grow up and respect you for not meddling.
what do you mean about the grandparents being the worst offenders?”
Well, look at my quote:
“. . . in-law parent who is often the root of the problem”
Often is an important word here, the one you left out, so I will comment on what I said.
Often the parent who wants out, whether they manipulate their way out of the marriage, grabbing everyone as they go, children spouses, inlaws or not, knows they are the ones who wanted to get out of the marriage.
When everyone just accepts it and backs away and lets them go on their selfish way, this person eventually must face themselves, sooner if the enablers stop enabling and go back to their lives. fthe sooner the better for the unfortunate children, the victims.
Often the parent of this person gets enmeshed and start up with the custody stuff, when, if they would stay out of it, the selfish parent/divorcee would eventually realize they don’t care about the kids, otherwise they would do everything they could do to give the child(ren) what they need - parents who are devoted to each other.
Often the parents of this person get their own feelings in the mix and manipulate the situation, applying more guilt and bad decisions, when they would do a lot better to realize the kids will grow up and eventually come visit and connect, after they are adults.
But the sooner the person who wanted out of the commitment leaves everyone to pick up the pieces, the better. Often, the Parent of this one does not want to face the situation, so they get involved and abuse their influence to their own end, not at all conidering what is truly best for the children - It is never hating one parent or the other, nor hating grandparents.
A female could have a heroin needle sticking out of her arm in court and still get the children.
Sounds like you’re familiar with California. Feminism rules.
“. . . in-law parent who is often the root of the problem”
In-law of who? Of the person who broke up the marriage? If that’s what you’re referring to, then the root of the problem isn’t the inlaw, it’s the parent who destroyed the marriage.
Parent of the one who opted out
Iowa. But I’ll bet most states are that way.
well, “the root of the problem” are the married couple who broke up, especially the one who walked out or cheated . They’re the ones who broke up a home and family, and ultimately are the cause of all the succeeding grief, at holidays and any other time. Don’t blame their parents or inlaws or anybody else. That’s shielding the divorcees from accountability for their own destructive action.
most states are that way.
the breakdown of the family and the denigrating of fathers is a bigger threat to our society, our future, our economy, the safety of our streets, the health of future generations, than terrorism, Iran, Iraq, Syria, China, you name it. Lincoln: “If destruction be our lot, we’ll bring it on ourselves, it can’t come from abroad”
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