Dearly beloved, today we are gathered here to celebrate the bonds of sodomy , in the rites of fudge packing as performed and exemplified by the minions of hell.
They can pretend as hard as they want, but this is not marriage. They are not married. Marriage is a thousand year old word that means something. It means a man and a woman. Just as a coin with 2 tails is not a nickle.
They should just be honest and call it what it is- a pseudo-marriage, fugazy wedding, shama-lamma-ding-dong, knock-off numptials, brideless aisle surfing, matri-phony, huckster hitched, warped wedlock, vaginas with vows...