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Obama’s New Executive Orders (Awesome "translation" of the formal bureaucratese)
The Everlasting Phelps ^ | The Everlasting Phelps | The Everlasting Phelps

Posted on 01/16/2013 4:45:11 PM PST by FreedomPoster

So Obama released his Executive Orders to Prevent Maniacs From Being Maniacs today.  I’ve taken the time to translate the summaries into plain English below:

1. Issue a Presidential Memorandum to require federal agencies to make relevant data available to the federal background check system.

Tell the government to follow the law.

2. Address unnecessary legal barriers, particularly relating to the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, that may prevent states from making information available to the background check system.

Tell the regulators to stop the stupid and useless regulations.

3. Improve incentives for states to share information with the background check system.

Pay the states back for the unfunded mandates that the Feds keeps making.

4. Direct the Attorney General to review categories of individuals prohibited from having a gun to make sure dangerous people are not slipping through the cracks.

Tell the Attorney General to do his job.

5. Propose rulemaking to give law enforcement the ability to run a full background check on an individual before returning a seized gun.

Start another unfunded mandate. (See #3.)

6. Publish a letter from ATF to federally licensed gun dealers providing guidance on how to run background checks for private sellers.

Tell FDLs how to do something no one is ever going to bother to do.

7. Launch a national safe and responsible gun ownership campaign.

Do the same thing the NRA already does, only half as well at twice the cost.

8. Review safety standards for gun locks and gun safes (Consumer Product Safety Commission).

Do what Underwriters Laboratories already does, only half as well at twice the cost.

9. Issue a Presidential Memorandum to require federal law enforcement to trace guns recovered in criminal investigations.

Tell the Feds to do their jobs.

10. Release a DOJ report analyzing information on lost and stolen guns and make it widely available to law enforcement.

Tell the DOJ to do its job.

11. Nominate an ATF director.

Tell myself to do my job.

12. Provide law enforcement, first responders, and school officials with proper training for active shooter situations.

Spend more money.

13. Maximize enforcement efforts to prevent gun violence and prosecute gun crime.

Tell everyone to do their goddamned jobs.

14. Issue a Presidential Memorandum directing the Centers for Disease Control to research the causes and prevention of gun violence.

Tell the doctors to figure out why it isn’t the feds’ fault that they aren’t doing their jobs.

15. Direct the Attorney General to issue a report on the availability and most effective use of new gun safety technologies and challenge the private sector to develop innovative technologies.

Figure out a way to push “smart guns” that don’t exist and wouldn’t be useful as guns if they did.

16. Clarify that the Affordable Care Act does not prohibit doctors asking their patients about guns in their homes.

Tell everyone that Obamacare doesn’t actually mean what it says.

17. Release a letter to health care providers clarifying that no federal law prohibits them from reporting threats of violence to law enforcement authorities.

Tell everyone that, seriously, Obamacare doesn’t actually mean that.  We had to pass it to find out what was in it, after all.

18. Provide incentives for schools to hire school resource officers.

Tell everyone that I’ve been a partisan hack for the last month every time I said the NRA was crazy to want to post more cops in schools.

19. Develop model emergency response plans for schools, houses of worship and institutions of higher education.

Do the same thing that every police agency in the country has already done, only half as well and at ten times the cost.

20. Release a letter to state health officials clarifying the scope of mental health services that Medicaid plans must cover.

Tell doctors what they already know.

21. Finalize regulations clarifying essential health benefits and parity requirements within ACA exchanges.

Tell people what the parts of Obamacare that don’t say anything say.

22. Commit to finalizing mental health parity regulations.

Tell HHS to do their job.

23. Launch a national dialogue led by Secretaries Sebelius and Duncan on mental health.

Hand the rest of the job of telling everyone to do their jobs off to someone else so it is no longer my job.


TOPICS: Crime/Corruption; Government; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: banglist; executive; guncontrol; orders; secondamendment; translation
This is funny as could be and sadly serious all at once. It should be required reading for every legislator at every level across the fruited plain.

Mods, I suppose you could move this to Bloggers, but I think this is right up there with anything any of the established commentators are going to come up with, and it's here NOW. I have no connection with the guy other than happening across his work.

1 posted on 01/16/2013 4:45:15 PM PST by FreedomPoster
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To: Joe Brower; Travis McGee; ATLDiver; Vigilantcitizen; martin_fierro; neverdem; trifona

Great pithy summary that de-bureaucrateses today’s EOs.


2 posted on 01/16/2013 4:47:44 PM PST by FreedomPoster (Islam delenda est)
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To: FreedomPoster

Loved it!


3 posted on 01/16/2013 4:51:52 PM PST by digger48
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To: FreedomPoster

Forgot One - I am da President and everyone must do what I tell them to do. Note there are exemptions to everyone - Muslims, Drug Cartels and anyone else whom wants to destroy the USA. But since i am the King of the world.


4 posted on 01/16/2013 4:56:57 PM PST by hondact200 (Candor dat viribos alas (sincerity gives wings to strength) and Nil desperandum (never despair))
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To: FreedomPoster
Someone had it right in 2008.. it's barackratese.

barackracy

5 posted on 01/16/2013 5:07:17 PM PST by WilliamofCarmichael (If modern America's Man on Horseback is out there, Get on the damn horse already!)
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To: FreedomPoster

Jeez, only one (#18) of twenty three makes any sense. Under 5%. But then, I guess even getting one decent one in there is a near record for hussein. Must’ve slipped in by mistake.


6 posted on 01/16/2013 6:17:58 PM PST by ThunderSleeps (Stop obama now! Stop the hussein - insane agenda!)
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To: FreedomPoster
0bama's Child-Like EOs on Gun Control


7 posted on 01/16/2013 6:45:56 PM PST by TigersEye (Stupid is a Progressive disease.)
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To: FreedomPoster

I can’t tell if the Pres_ent is a master of long term Communistic planning or a rank idiot.
23 EOs amounting to “everyone do your job already” and “increase data mining”? He could have wrecked the entire firearms industry in one fell swoop, but instead did...what?


8 posted on 01/16/2013 6:53:44 PM PST by ctdonath2 (End of debate. Your move.)
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To: ThunderSleeps

Actually, I disagree with both NHO and the NRA on that. Security for schools is a state and local issue, it is not something the FedGov should be involved in, other than to repeal the Gun Free School Zone law. This would make it easier for states to utilize volunteer security.

The last thing this country needs is another “solution” emanating from Washington, D.C.


9 posted on 01/16/2013 7:07:39 PM PST by FreedomPoster (Islam delenda est)
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To: FreedomPoster

Hey, This ain’t Obama’s list, don’t blame him. It’s slow Joe’s list.


10 posted on 01/16/2013 7:15:54 PM PST by dmcnash (Back off! I'm a Scientist.)
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To: FreedomPoster

Well done.


11 posted on 01/16/2013 7:34:27 PM PST by Jet Jaguar
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To: ctdonath2

“He could have wrecked the entire firearms industry in one fell swoop, but instead did...what?”

Plop the frog into a pot of boiling water and he jumps right out.

With regard to “data mining”, I see some of that stuff and what if it means (#2) that a prescription for an anti-depressant that you took for a few months when your mom died 6 years ago shows up on your gun purchasing background check and the government red flags and denies it because you are deemed be at risk of killing yourself or others.

Or what if your spouse wants to buy a weapon, with no history of depression - but your anti-depressant meds show up and deny the spouse’s purchase.

And the “gun lock safety” investigation to make sure they are safe. “Yes - we have deemed them to be safe WHEN USED. Therefore all guns must always be in either a locked gun safe or the trigger mechanism disabled via an approved locking device if not when not in the process of actually firing the weapon.”


12 posted on 01/16/2013 7:55:34 PM PST by 21twelve ("We've got the guns, and we got the numbers" adapted and revised from Jim M.)
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To: FreedomPoster

You’re right! I should have made that distinction. Other than getting out of the way, there’s nothing I want the feds doing for securing our local schools. Allow me and a few of my fellow volunteers to act as unpaid armed guards. Or have the local sheriff deputize us as an old west posse. I’d gladly juggle my schedule and give them one day a month at any school in the district.


13 posted on 01/16/2013 8:11:20 PM PST by ThunderSleeps (Stop obama now! Stop the hussein - insane agenda!)
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To: FreedomPoster
This thread has just added to the FreeRepublic "bang list" (firearms interest list) by adding the keyword "banglist".

Any time a firearms-related thread is created on FreeRepublic, please be sure to add the "banglist" keyword to it so that interested FReepers don't miss it. Just a suggestion.

Let Freedom Ring,

Gun Facts v6!

Click the pic to go to the Gun Facts v6 download page!

14 posted on 01/17/2013 5:34:56 AM PST by Joe Brower (The "American People" are no longer capable of self-governance.)
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To: FreedomPoster

Bump to pass around


15 posted on 01/17/2013 6:19:48 AM PST by Roses0508
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