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The Ex-Gay Problem: You Can Never Leave?
Christian Post ^ | 02/27/2013 | Christopher Doyle

Posted on 02/27/2013 11:06:44 AM PST by SeekAndFind

"You Can Check-Out Anytime You Like, But You Can Never Leave." So says the Eagles' song Hotel California .

Ironically, this memorable phrase in that 1976 classic hit has lasting implications for all those wishing to leave the gay life. I am careful to say "life" and not "lifestyle" so not to offend any gay and lesbian reading this who may be quick to cast me as a homophobe or hate-monger.

The truth is no one simply chooses to have same-sex attractions (SSA). These feelings are the result of many factors, mostly environmental and familial, mixed-in with one genetic factor, a sensitive temperament. I make this claim not with a preponderance of scientific evidence, but with the clinical experience of my own practice as a psychotherapist over the last three years, plus an additional twenty years of observations from my colleagues at the International Healing Foundation.

In twenty-three years, we have found that 99 percent of our clients who experience homosexual feelings have very sensitive temperaments. Or, as Lady Gaga says: "Baby, they were born that way!" This is what I believe to be the foundation for the development of SSA – a sensitive nature. Factor that with a few other variables − usually detachment from the same-gender parent and peers, an over-attachment to the opposite-gender parent and peers, and early sexual initiation and/or sexual abuse – and there is a good chance a person will experience SSA.

For decades, most of the scientific community agreed. Until 1969, on the coattails of the Civil Rights Movement, when the modern-day gay rights movement began.

On June 28, 1969, at a homosexual bar on Greenwich Village in New York City, a group of gay patrons finally had enough of the abuse by local police, who regularly came into their establishments and harassed and beat up the patrons. At 1:20am, the customers stood up against this police brutality, and for several days, fought the police in what was eventually known as the Stonewall Riots. This was the spark that lit the fire throughout America, igniting the modern-day gay rights movement.

From this time on, national groups began to spring up, including the Human Rights Campaign, Lambda Legal Defense Fund, and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. Their goal was to emulate the strategies of the Civil Rights movement to gain acceptance for homosexuality and change public opinion in America.

Fast-forward twenty years, and gay rights groups and activists were making in-roads in many areas, most notably with the removal of homosexuality from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the American Psychological Association's Bible. With this momentum, many brilliant gay and lesbian professionals began to strategize how not just to gain tolerance for homosexuality with the American public, but to actually normalize and equate it with heterosexuality.

In 1989, two Harvard-educated gay men, Madsen (a neuropsychiatrist) and Kirk (a Madison Avenue marketing expert), published what commonly came to be known as the Homosexual Manifesto . The book was titled: After the Ball: How America Will Conquer Its Fear and Hatred of Gays in the 90s. This landmark book blueprinted how to indoctrinate the public into the innate-immutability myth of homosexuality – that people are born this way and cannot change. The authors laid out eight main principles to achieve this goal, and in the last twenty-four years, activists have followed this plan and largely succeeded in American society. Their biggest problem, however, in achieving all their goals, is the advent of the former homosexual, or ex-gay. Because if homosexuals can change, the whole foundation of 'born this way' tumbles like a stack of cards.

To eliminate this obstacle, principle number eight in the Homosexual Manifesto is employed: "Make victimizers look bad. Make homosexual-hating beliefs and actions look so bad that everyone will dissociate from them." This is a rather difficult goal to achieve, because in order to do so, activists would have to essentially turn on their own – meaning, they would have to target persons who were unhappy with their same-sex attractions and sought change. Their strategy to achieve this is three-fold. Number one: discredit all research that shows people can change.

In the last one hundred years, there have been literally hundreds of studies published in scientific peer-reviewed journals that document change from SSA to heterosexuality. However, activists in the psychological and counseling communities have formed powerful committees within trade organizations to wield influence. Essentially, these committees ignore, defame, or disqualify the research for some reason (e.g., methodological concerns are a favorite) while exalting any theory that proposes an inherent biological cause to homosexuality. If that doesn't work, a common tactic is to attack the researcher, or organization funding the research, as homophobic, biased, or fatally flawed for whatever reason.

A good example of this is a 2012 study performed by Dr. Mark Regenerus, a professor at the University of Texas, whose research published in the peer-reviewed Social Science Research , found that children raised by homosexual parents suffered lower outcomes, compared to heterosexual parents, across twenty-four statistically significant measures. While the study was praised by objective scientists as methodically vigorous, gay activists were quick to criticize its findings, and even went so far as to try and remove Dr. Regenerus from his position at the University of Texas, launching an internal review of his research ethics, which eventually led to the affirmation of his conduct. The second tactic is to paint SSA persons who seek sexual orientation change as victims by their counselors.

Recently I wrote an article about this strategy in length. Organizations such as the Southern Poverty Law Center and other anti-ex-gay activists devote millions of dollars each year to try and convince persons who are unhappy with their SSA that change is not possible, and in fact, that it is downright harmful. They are now recruiting clients who are unable to achieve sexual orientation change to sue their former therapists in the name of consumer fraud, and attempting to make any type of sexual orientation change effort therapy by licensed mental health practitioners, illegal. In an especially brazen attempt to indoctrinate society, CBS's primetime show Criminal Minds devoted an entire episode last week to portray ex-gays as repressed, violent criminals who are brainwashed by Christian conversion-camps that use electroshock therapy and torture to turn gays straight.

The third and final method is to attack former homosexuals who have come public with their stories of change. There are a number of tactics they use to achieve this end. For example, it's common for activists to claim that ex-gays are merely repressing their sexual urges and choosing to engage in heterosexual sex. If a former homosexual relapses, they then point to this example and generalize it to the entire ex-gay community as proof that change isn't possible. Another argument they use to defame ex-gays is to say he/she was never really gay – therefore, if they weren't gay to begin with, they didn't really change. All you have to do is read the comment section at the end of this and any other article I've written, and any number of these strategies will be employed to disqualify my experience and those of the ex-gay community.

My personal favorite, however, is the oldie-but-goodie, "you're just a big mean liar and you didn't change at all – you're still really attracted to dudes – and you're only pretending not to be gay because your Bible-thumping family and Christian upbringing caused you to internalize your homophobia and resort to self-hatred . . . you're really denying who you are – what a sad, pathetic life you lead."

Even though I've been married to my wife for over six years, have three beautiful children, and have not relapsed in eight and-a-half years, these activists claim that I, and others like me, am still homosexual. In essence, you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.

-- Christopher Doyle, M.A. is a Psychotherapist and the Director of the International Healing Foundatio n, a non-profit organization that has helped thousands of SSA and LGBT individuals, and their families, sinc


TOPICS: Constitution/Conservatism; Culture/Society; News/Current Events; Philosophy
KEYWORDS: exgay; gay; homosexualagenda; homosexuality

1 posted on 02/27/2013 11:06:45 AM PST by SeekAndFind
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To: SeekAndFind

It is sin. One of the tougher sins to deal with, and the only cure is Christ.


2 posted on 02/27/2013 11:13:55 AM PST by vpintheak (Occupy your Brain!)
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To: vpintheak

There were some Girl Bands on our Circuit back in the 80’s and 90’s. Some of their boyfriends were the club Coke dealers. Well, the girls were, to quote another Eagles song. Doing all the drugs that they could do. Well Coke does funny things to people and some of them went Lesbian Chic. Their bands started playing at Gay festivals. But something else happened. They decided to give up the Blow. (The free stuff was no longer available) Well, time passed and guess what? They decided they weren’t Lesbians after all. Some became Born Again. Some just moved away.


3 posted on 02/27/2013 11:22:37 AM PST by massgopguy (I owe everything to George Bailey)
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To: vpintheak

There were some Girl Bands on our Circuit back in the 80’s and 90’s. Some of their boyfriends were the club Coke dealers. Well, the girls were, to quote another Eagles song. Doing all the drugs that they could do. Well Coke does funny things to people and some of them went Lesbian Chic. Their bands started playing at Gay festivals. But something else happened. They decided to give up the Blow. (The free stuff was no longer available) Well, time passed and guess what? They decided they weren’t Lesbians after all. Some became Born Again. Some just moved away.


4 posted on 02/27/2013 11:23:29 AM PST by massgopguy (I owe everything to George Bailey)
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To: vpintheak

Amen!


5 posted on 02/27/2013 11:36:15 AM PST by k4gypsyrose
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To: SeekAndFind

If I am straight, I was born straight but if I decide I am gay, I was born gay but if I later decide I am straight, I was born straight and was never gay unless I decide later that I am.


6 posted on 02/27/2013 11:41:29 AM PST by AppyPappy (If you aren't part of the solution, there is good money to be made prolonging the problem.)
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To: SeekAndFind
In twenty-three years, we have found that 99 percent of our clients who experience homosexual feelings have very sensitive temperaments. Or, as Lady Gaga says: "Baby, they were born that way!" This is what I believe to be the foundation for the development of SSA – a sensitive nature. Factor that with a few other variables − usually detachment from the same-gender parent and peers, an over-attachment to the opposite-gender parent and peers, and early sexual initiation and/or sexual abuse – and there is a good chance a person will experience SSA.

Yeah, that's a big problem in prison - "very sensitive temperament."

7 posted on 02/27/2013 11:46:13 AM PST by Perseverando (Gun control? It's really not about gun control is it? It's really about PEOPLE CONTROL!)
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To: AppyPappy

RE: If I am straight, I was born straight but if I decide I am gay, I was born gay but if I later decide I am straight, I was born straight and was never gay unless I decide later that I am.

___________________

I just read a portion of the legendary record producer, Clive Davis’ autobiography.

He said that for over 50 years he never had sex with a male. It wasn’t repressed. He had very good sexual relationships with women.

Only very recently did he decide to have sex with men.

Clive Davis is 80 years old.


8 posted on 02/27/2013 11:51:57 AM PST by SeekAndFind
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To: SeekAndFind

You forgot the Italian MAFIA connection:
Stonewall InnMain article: Stonewall Inn

Location of the Stonewall Inn in relation to Greenwich VillageThe Stonewall Inn, located at 51 and 53 Christopher Street, along with several other establishments in the city, was owned by the Genovese family.[5] In 1966, three members of the Mafia invested $3,500 to turn the Stonewall Inn into a gay bar, after it had been a restaurant and a nightclub for heterosexuals. Once a week a police officer would collect envelopes of cash as a payoff; the Stonewall Inn had no liquor license.[40][41] It had no running water behind the bar—used glasses were run through tubs of water and immediately reused.[39] There were no fire exits, and the toilets overran consistently.[42] Though the bar was not used for prostitution, drug sales and other “cash transactions” took place. It was the only bar for gay men in New York City where dancing was allowed;[43] dancing was its main draw since its re-opening as a gay club.[44]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stonewall_riots


9 posted on 02/27/2013 11:54:25 AM PST by US Navy Vet (Go Packers! Go Rockies! Go Boston Bruins! See, I'm "Diverse"!)
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To: SeekAndFind

Wow - article that hits on all cylinders, written by an ex-gay with a wife and three kids. So, Lambda et al, whaddya got?


10 posted on 02/27/2013 12:23:38 PM PST by jagusafr (the American Trinity (Liberty, In G0D We Trust, E Pluribus Unum))
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To: SeekAndFind

“The truth is no one simply chooses to have same-sex attractions (SSA).”

I disagree with this. I think some do choose it, due to peer pressure, to be cool, to be outre, to have something to talk about at parties, to join a victim class, to get attention.

Then you can get conditioned to enjoying it, I guess, and it may become more automatic. But I definitely think some people choose it.


11 posted on 02/27/2013 12:39:15 PM PST by Persevero (Homeschooling for Excellence since 1992)
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To: vpintheak

Here’s the deal, IMO.

Homosexual urges are temptations, just as are heterosexual ones directed towards one other than one’s spouse.

Temptations are not sins. Actions are.

As to whether gays can change, or not, I do not know. I’m willing to accept the word of those wo say they did, however. Maybe the other guys can’t. Then all God requires is that they refrain from acting on those urges.


12 posted on 02/27/2013 12:43:06 PM PST by chesley (Vast deserts of political ignorance makes liberalism possible - James Lewis)
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To: AppyPappy

All this time and I never knew that about you!


13 posted on 02/27/2013 12:53:34 PM PST by Bartholomew Roberts
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To: chesley

I agree. Jesus himself was tempted, but he did not act on it and did not think on it!


14 posted on 02/27/2013 1:05:35 PM PST by vpintheak (Occupy your Brain!)
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To: vpintheak

You think Jesus was tempted by homosexuality?


15 posted on 02/27/2013 1:11:07 PM PST by GeronL (http://asspos.blogspot.com)
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To: vpintheak

“. . . you’re really denying who you are – what a sad, pathetic life you lead.”

Word for word this applies to gays themselves.


16 posted on 02/27/2013 1:29:52 PM PST by TalBlack (Evil doesn't have a day job.)
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To: GeronL

OK, if you and I ever run into eachother again, please try to remember this; I am neither a moron, nor am I Biblically illiterate.
Jesus was tempted by the devil specifically 3 times. He was also God in human form, he had to come down as a human, be tempted by human things, and overcome all of that to emerge a perfect example for all of us. Homosexuality? Probably not, not mentioned in the Bible. Tempted, yes.


17 posted on 02/27/2013 1:48:40 PM PST by vpintheak (Occupy your Brain!)
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To: vpintheak

If we meet in real life you would notice I don’t hold grudges, especially for what is written on FR.


18 posted on 02/27/2013 2:00:50 PM PST by GeronL (http://asspos.blogspot.com)
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To: SeekAndFind

The truth is no one simply chooses to have same-sex attractions


Thats the first lie in this article..
Everyone chooses to have same sex attraction... that has it..
It is a choice.. no one forced them to make that choice..

It is their choice for one of two options..
THEY did it, they made it.. it is their CHOICE...
They choose to reject one of the genders as sex objects..

They can/could choose another choice but they WILL NOT..
They WANT the same sex option.. ELSE they would change it..

Its either a CHOICE -OR- its a mental dysfunction..

I for one think its a mental dysfunction.. still a choice but a choice based on a mental dysfunction.. So, they choose same sex attraction based on a mental dysfunction..
Maybe a version in some cases of a Stockholm Syndrome variation..

Especially with those abused at a young age.. the term “young” being variable.. A version of “animal imprinting”..
Like; ducks/geese born from an egg thinking a human is their mother.. and follow him/her..

Being “queer” is indeed “Queer”..


19 posted on 02/27/2013 2:06:40 PM PST by hosepipe (This propaganda has been edited to include some fully orbed hyperbole..)
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To: GeronL

Neiother do I. If I did, I don’t deserve to go to heaven. Forgive me for reaction.


20 posted on 02/27/2013 2:07:26 PM PST by vpintheak (Occupy your Brain!)
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To: vpintheak

Easier to control the acting than the thinking for any urge, sexual or otherwise.

I’ve found that the best way to resist temptation is to avoid it. Although I hae never personally had to go so far, it might mean acquiring a whole new circle of friends and dropping the old one.


21 posted on 02/27/2013 2:07:59 PM PST by chesley (Vast deserts of political ignorance makes liberalism possible - James Lewis)
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To: chesley

Yep! That’s one of the reasons I thank God for my children. My wife and I were in a rut of bars and parties, getting pregnant with my son snapped us both right out of it, and into a new life.


22 posted on 02/27/2013 2:10:35 PM PST by vpintheak (Occupy your Brain!)
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To: SeekAndFind
In twenty-three years, we have found that 99 percent of our clients who experience homosexual feelings have very sensitive temperaments.

Sensitive?? The author does not appear to have ever perused zombietime.com...well, not that I have.

23 posted on 02/27/2013 3:26:02 PM PST by RobinOfKingston (Democrats--the party of Evil. Republicans--the party of Stupid.)
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To: vpintheak

There are many ways to heal from same sex attraction.


24 posted on 02/27/2013 7:49:34 PM PST by little jeremiah (Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point. CSLewis)
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To: SeekAndFind; AFA-Michigan; Abathar; Absolutely Nobama; Albion Wilde; AliVeritas; Antoninus; ...
Homosexual Agenda Ping

Freepmail wagglebee to subscribe or unsubscribe from the homosexual agenda ping list.

Be sure to click the FreeRepublic homosexual agenda keyword search link for a list of all related articles. We don't ping you to all related articles so be sure to click the previous link to see the latest articles.

Add keywords homosexual agenda to flag FR articles to this ping list.

I will have to read the whole article carefully tomorrow. From what I've read, the Stonewall bar brawl wasn't because of mean ol' police brutality, it was because the mean ol' police had the audacity and bigotry to arrest a transvestite prostitute. If anyone knows, correct me.

Anyone wanting on/off either ping list, freepmail me.

25 posted on 02/27/2013 7:53:35 PM PST by little jeremiah (Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point. CSLewis)
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To: Persevero
I disagree with this. I think some do choose it

Not a popular position to take but a correct position. Most with same-sex attraction don't choose their same-sex attraction but then there are the queerbychoice group. And some choose it for the reasons you mentioned.

While I need to read the article more closely, I think he hits many of the key points perfectly.

26 posted on 02/27/2013 8:57:09 PM PST by scripter
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To: vpintheak
LOL! Children have a way of doing that.

And let me tell you, the feeling never goes away. My mother STILL helps my alcoholic brother, when every body else in the family is about ready to let him go on the streets. The only reason that I'm not is that he hasn't hit me up for any large amount of money, and has repaid what I've lent him.

My own children are all in town and, while they haven’t asked, my wife and I have helped them out from time to time because we were worried about them.

They'll always be your children. Good luck!

27 posted on 02/28/2013 6:07:21 AM PST by chesley (Vast deserts of political ignorance makes liberalism possible - James Lewis)
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