Free Republic 2nd Qtr 2024 Fundraising Target: $81,000 | Receipts & Pledges to-date: $23,006 | |||
| ||||
Woo hoo!! And we're now over 28%!! Thank you all very much!! God bless. |
Posted on 11/25/2013 9:12:37 AM PST by Jim Robinson
Thank you so much. It’s my favorite BUMP.
You’re welcome, Onyx.
It is very easy to see why it’s your favorite.
Bump again!
Taking life a little less seriously...
Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it.. don’t
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to
your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of
field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is
distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a
regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!! . Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any
misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember: “Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in
the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming
“WOO HOO, what a ride!”
|
Every line I’ve posted on this thread is cribbed from FR.
Am I a humorist, no.
Do I have a really good source?
Yepper!
Support the wellspring from which all wisdom and humor is exchanged between free people.
The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said, ‘Man, what happened to you?
He said, ‘Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night. ‘
The next night it was a different guy’s turn. In the morning, same thing - hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
They said, ‘Man, what happened to you? You look awful!’
He said, ‘Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night .’
The third night was Pete’s turn. Pete was a big burly ex-Navy man; a man’s man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed.
‘Good morning,’ he said.
They couldn’t believe it! They said, ‘Man, what happened?’
He said, ‘Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night............Bob sat up and watched me all night.
Humor bump
|
LOL! Thanks, but I wouldn’t want my cats exposed to one of those disease-ridden thug mice.
Actually, I just have an aversion to killing, EXCEPT ants, flies, mosquitoes, and especially deer
flies, whose bites can ache and itch for weeks.
I pretty much like everybody else, like spiders, snakes, turtles, fish, and more traditional animals
and pets like dogs, cats, and birds.
We have some large windows in this house, and during the spring, a lot of birds smack into them.
I always go outside and make sure that the birds are left alone until they recover themselves.
Sometimes their necks break, and that makes me cry. I leave them out for someone to eat if they
pass away. Someone always does.
I want to put raptor images on the windows, but Bryan doesn’t, so we don’t have them.
I never knew I was a Southern Republican. Thank you, Mr. theneanderthal. I am a Neanderthal as well. Got that weird nerve in my mouth that runs through the palate.
I think it looks more like a socialist Miss Piggy :)
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.