The article doesn’t say so, but this incident took place on the Aisle of Misfit Toys.
“...Isle of Misfit Toys...”
I know that place... Brrr... Was stationed there for several years, with the 107th, after putting down the “Great Hasbro Uprising of ‘63”...
Those were bad days... I’d rather forget them. Lost a LOT of good toys there... I don’t want to tell you what happened on the Barbie and Ken section of the island... I can’t relive that... it was a debacle. I can STILL see those damned candy canes shoved up the - no... not that. I can’t...
I still have the scars from the Automatic Hot Wheels Launcher that was on the roof...it was sighted in on us, and those little Elf bastards just wouldn’t give it up. You’d think green and red outfits would stand out in the snow, but it was a blizzard. They timed it perfectly...
And yes...I blame the Fat Guy in the Red Suit for cutting back on defense spending and depleting the forces... those Elves ran AMOK for months... one minute, happy, peaceful little bastards making toys; the next... They were ALL OVER us with those beady little eyes and tiny hands and gnashing teeth... they caught us completely by surprise..
I never knew pissed-off pointy-eared midgets could wreak so much havoc. We spent months tracking them all down.
But to think MRS. CLAUS was behind it all... “Comrade Clausinski” they called her... the cruelest blow of all.