Men Without Women: Is There A Male Friendship Crisis?

The Federalist ^ | December 30, 2013 | Bill McMorris

[Farnsworth]

Male friendship is formed around jokes, favors, and associations -- all things under attack.

I got a telephone in my room right when “Boy Meets World” was getting big. I saw the characters chatting on the phone daily and mistook a studio cost-cutting device for how friends interacted. So I grabbed the school directory and called up my best friend at the moment, Sean.

“Hi?”

“Hey, it’s Billy”

“Okay…”

The call was over in seconds. We played full contact 500 on an asphalt driveway the next day with nary a mention of the awkward conversation. Like I said, my best friend. I never realized that the exchange made me more likely to commit suicide. At least that’s what Occidental College sociology professor Lisa Wade says in Salon’s latest men-are-doing-it-wrong column.

Wade says American men—specifically white heterosexuals—lack the intimate bonds necessary to lead fulfilling lives.

“The friendships they have, if they’re with other men, provide less emotional support and involve lower levels of self-disclosure and trust than other types of friendships,” Wade writes.

It’s an observation rooted in experience. Go to enough barbecues and you’ll notice that people tend to self-segregate: Women form circles around living room tables and discuss their feelings; men crowd around the grill, eyes locked on the meat, to discuss grilling techniques.

It wasn’t always this way, Wade argues.

Research shows that boys are just as likely as girls to disclose personal feelings to their same-sex friends and they are just as talented at being able to sense their friends’ emotional states.

But, at about age 15 to 16 — right at the same age that the suicide rate of boys increases to four times the rate of girls — boys start reporting that they don’t have friends and don’t need them.

[Farnsworth]

I thought this was an interesting article despite it length. Check the whole article out at the link and let me know what you think about it.

[GraceG]

All the emphasis on the homosexual agenda in the media has ruined friendships between straight males.

Two straight guys now fear friendships with other straight males lest they be branded gay and other people see them and draw the wrong conclusions.

[miele man]

First time I’ve heard a woman named “Wade”. I’ll have to read it again to let it sink in and percolate, but then I dare not say more.

[Deagle]

Sorry, but this is the outcome of the anti-male feminist outlook and is what you could be called the normal result. We get what we want eventually, much to our dismay at times.

[Jonty30]

There is truth to the article. Most people do need indepth and meaningful conversations if they want a sense of belonging. However, thanks to homosexuality being a huge factor, male relationships have been largely curtailed.

The fact that many of us have these indepth,and meaningful conversations on Freerepublic as opposed to having them over a beer is proof of this.

[Vince Ferrer]

She thinks masculine social interaction is the problem, femininity the corrective

Yup. That's 2014 for you.

[HonkyTonkMan]

Where do adult men go to enjoy the company of men? Men’s club, work/office,hunt club, gun range, garage/racetrack, cigar bar, mens Bible study. In each case one will find women at each venue -shoot we even let female reporters in the men’s lockeroom now.

[gusty]

I would look in a different direction over the lack of male relationships in today's world. A group more culpable than homosexuals is (or was, I do not know if they still exist) Mothers Against Drunk Driving. Think back to our fathers time. Back in the 40’s, 50’s, 60’s guys would stop in the local tavern and shoot the breeze with their friends before dinner. The pubs and bars have been the meeting place of guys for centuries. Today, anybody with any sense of responsibility doesn't want to take a chance that one beer might lead to their life being ruined. So instead we today head right home every day. The only interaction guys have with each other outside of work is usually through their kids sports. I had one guy I know say that without his kids games he would have no social life at all, and I bet that is true for most of the other guys too. Nobody wants to condone drunk driving, but the unintended consequences has been a complete shutting down of the traditional male’s social life. I speak from a middle age guys perspective, maybe those younger than me have made up the slack with their electronic do-dads. But I for one would have enjoyed stopping at the local tavern for a beer or two with my friends and neighbors.

[knarf]

At my age, I'm pretty much settled as to who I am, what I am and why I am ... and I question the motive of anyone that writes I might not be what I think I am.

Ever the conspiricy theortist, what damage can be done to a collective consciousness if that consciousness is not settled ?

If recent political activity is any indication, we're no longer democrat or republican ... not even American ... and we don't really care very much about that lack of identification.

So yeah ... go ahead and allow your manhood to be questioned ... and kiss it all goodbye.

Here ... have a sip of some (more) kool aid first

[glasseye]

I belong to a hobby club.

We ride & restore old Italian motor scooters, silly fun, makes me young.

Kinda like a little band of brothers.

Works for me.

[knarf]

Don't forget barber shops.

There is ONE place in town where a guy can go in and sit for a couple of hours and BS waiting for a taper cut.

[Kirkwood]

Women can’t even figure themselves out.

[gusty]

True, but how many haircuts does one need. I keep mine pretty short, and still go once every 2-3 months. What I wrote about our draconian drunk driving laws having unintended consequences is nothing original. I stole it from reading about what is happening in Ireland. They have adopted our drunk driving laws and have seen the traditional Irish pub culture collapse. No more ballads, no more tall tales. Men feel like prisoners in their own homes.

[Jonty30]

This phenom has been happening before MADD, but you are correct in that there is more than homosexuality behind why men don’t bond like they used to do.

I think most of it, upon further reflection, can be traced to the rise of feminism. There used to be a time when men could be men amongst each other. They could tell dirty jokes, get jokingly physical with each other, hold each other accountable for failing to uphold and practice the masculine virtues. Society allowed males to learn these things from the crib, through males clubs like Boy Scouts, and through interactions with each other at work. There was a constant reinforcement of what it meant to be male, throughout history. However, just try to act like how men should act in society and just watch the criticism and rebuke flow.

[gusty]

For the vast majority of men, not just here but back in the old country, the pub or tavern was that male space where what you described happened. A loss of your driving privileges leading to unemployment or a stretch in the slam put a real crimp in this long held male culture. However your mention of feminism is not opposing what I stated. I contend that MADD is a product of feminism, as prohibition was of the original suffragettes. So I think we might be on the same page here.

[Jonty30]

We are generally on the same page, but you see it largely limited in adulthood, whereas I see masculinity being curtailed from the womb to the tomb. About the only place left now, just about, are in high risk activities like wing parachuting or keg parties and there is little doubt in my mind that Obamacare will be working to curtail these too.

[garandgal]

One group of guys in our neighborhood has it all figured out. Nearly every day after work, when it is nice, you will find them congregated in “a” driveway...7 to 10 of them depending on the day.

No wives, no kids. They have “family” parties too, on the weekends with the wives and kids. But, the after work hours are only the guys hanging out...they migrate from driveway to driveway. Often, the women and kids will be down the street in someone else’s driveway/garage. In the Winter, they migrate from garage to garage...all are heated, and complete with big screen TV’s. These enterprising guys have made their own traveling “pub” and can simply walk home after a few beers.

This same big group of guys always take their kids out for Halloween trick or treating. They herd the large group of kids around while pulling a little red wagon full of their own “treats”...12 packs of beer...LOL!

[llevrok]

My idea of male friendship crisis is that you can not find a male barber shop ala Gran Torino any more.

In my area, all female "barbers" who don't know sh&t about cutting hair, guns, sports or pitching crap back and forth.

G D Femi-nazis have ruined male America

[boop]

Heh, sounds like King of the Hill.

I'm not trying to make a funny, I just wish I had friends like Hank Hill.

Drinking beer in the back alley, saying a-yup, but at the same time, they do care about one another. And help each other out in times of need.

I wish I had male friends like that.

I used to, but as I get older, not so many opportunities to make new friends.

Oh, I stay in touch with friends that I had in college, but it's on facebook. Not the same.

[wita]

I’ll chime in with a number of activities that are still somewhat male influenced, and provide plenty of interaction and opportunity for male friendship.

Knights of Columbus
Scouting although now influenced by the homosexual agenda.
Motor racing
Politics
The veterans groups, VFW, American Legion, DAV etc.
Church activities
Study of the Constitution as a group
Gun clubs
Shooting sports
Hunting
Model railroading
Classic Car activities
Tea Party
...and you can still go home after work because the home is where much of the previous takes place or schedules for such are formulated.

...and I’m sure others will improve or add to the list or not due to the lateness or earliness of the hour.

So Happy and prosperous New Year to all you deprived males out there in freeperville.