Posted on 01/20/2014 1:02:17 PM PST by xzins
Someone told me the same thing years ago, so I know what you are saying is true for many women.
The ones with morals are becoming less and less, and we can never make another person do what they are supposed to do. Men are visual so naturally they are attracted to sexier women, and ones with no substance will make them miserable.
Women must be both smart and sexy now...lol Men have lots of choices as there are a lot of women to every man...I’m afraid to give a statistic, I might get corrected.
Usually a person shows their real character within first six months, but to some it’s a game to be won and deception is strong now. Peoples motives are not easily detected.
Oh, I have read the research material. My summary is reasonably precise. The results have been repeated by many different entities, of many different political persuasions, and dissected ad nauseum where cherry picking and intentional twisting have shown up.
Another genius stating the obvious—for the thousandth time this month, it seems. Fleischer included.
Restating and repeating the statistics is like beating someone over the head.
Use your own head and come up with something helpful, like the Post columnist who pointed out that the Wedding has become the focus, rather than the Marriage. Poor women know they can’t afford the Vera Wang dress and the reception at The Princess Court, so they figure the dickens with it, I can’t get married.
OK, that’s one small part of the problem: we glorify the Queen for a Day aspect of the wedding. But at least she was thinking, and pointing out something interesting that hasn’t been worked to death by op-ed writers and editorial writers who love feeling superior to the poor—and just may help a bit to see what can make things better.
The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 1:9 “What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.”
” the Wedding has become the focus, rather than the Marriage”
Fully agree; oddly women are going backwards in time, when all they thought about was the wedding, not the time AFTER the wedding. It’s the wedding, not the marriage and not the man.
As for the poor, I wonder how different things would be if in fact they would marry at a later age and avoid having kids out of wedlock. I’m a fan of waiting until you have the life you need and want instead of marrying right away.
If I had married young I would have had a divorce and a kid to look after under my felt and likely have a lot more difficulties.
” why some Americans prosper and others don’t,”
Avoid Drugs
Avoid promiscuous sex
Avoid kids out of wedlock
Avoid debt if you can
Avoid committing crimes
Avoid making the same relationship mistakes
For me, I’m going to marry someone from a same background and experiences. I don’t tend to trust people who don’t make their own way or at least know what they want.
The real frightening thing is how crazy things are getting. Men are getting more choices, but they keep falling for the same age old tricks and not learning the same warning signals. Women are at fault too, wasting their time trying to change a man or thinking that just because there’s intimacy, that they are entitled to marriage. Women are getting involved with bad types, but also having kids by them, which these days to decent men, is kryptonite.
I think six months should tell you all you need to know. It’s something people would be able to see if they used their stupid brains every once in a while. Being stupid does not make you a good person, in fact it makes you irresponsible.
It isn’t just liberals. So called conservatives are making a mess all their own. They stupidly think a woman will just walk away after intimacy if they want to end a relationship and move on, but go figure, the women don’t want it to end.
No, it’s not entirely new. I’ve thought it my whole adult life, watching the whole ritual that MUST be gone through and if one piece of it is missing, the woman thinks she has failed at getting married.
I was just trying to point out how conservatives love to preach to the poor about getting married. It’s not that easy to just get married. The whole culture is rotten. We have to fix it the best we can, if we can, and do our part not to glorify fornication, royal-style weddings that the poor can’t afford, or machismo, as opposed to real masculinity. Machismo is what leads men to brag about how many women they have, sometimes even how many families.
If we knock it off, it can only help the poor to do the same thing. We don’t have to be preachy. Just stop glorifying the things that our destroying our culture.
I wish you only the best and if you feel uncomfortable in your dating relationship always take a step back and watch for awhile...you are right, we can’t change anyone that has to begin on the inside.
Great discussing this social dilemma with you...Blessings.
As a retired chaplain and an ordained minister for decades in a major protestant denomination, I can assure you that an expensive wedding is not necessary. I don’t ask for a dime for a wedding ceremony, and our church social room, available to wedding parties, is the size of a basketball court. For those attached to the church, no cost. For those not attached that I agree to perform the ceremony for, we tell them the cost of our electricity/heat, and they’re free to reimburse us if they wish.
What do I ask for? I ask for their participation in marriage counseling. So their cost be as little as their gifts to their groomsmen and maids, their musicians, a $75 dollar donation, and a few meat/veggie trays and drinks. One young lady — truth — went to a used wedding shop and took a dress off a rack for $10. A nice dress, too, imho.
So, we’re talking what up there...a couple hundred bucks?
I’ve had couples take me up on everything but the party, and they go with a gala event at some reception hall with all the trimmings and sit down catered meals, and after adding in designer wedding dresses, limousines, bands, and curiosities, they come out somehow 20,000 dollars poorer to start off a marriage.
I just scratch my head.
Good. But the availability of an inexpensive wedding is not the problem. Our culture is all screwed up. People feel inadequate, and then when the chance comes to pretend they are rich and royal (the big wedding), they go for it, even if it’s just for a day. Or for the poor, they give up on ever being that wonderful thing called a bride.
I don’t really know what the answer is. I just think we all contribute to the problem by tolerating it and, as I said, glorifying the wrong things, or even spending our money on them, like amoral movies and tv sets.
I think you and I are on the same wavelength. But how do we change the culture or fix the problem?
I guess it’s a slow process, or else we will all learn it at the same time all at once.
One of the best weddings I remember was this simple:
At the close of Sunday service, the minister informed everyone that the couple was going to be married and everyone was invited who wanted to stay.
After the people had left who were leaving, he performed the service. It was nice. And they had a pot luck downstairs which was also pretty good. It was that simple.
I attended another for some “seniors” which was held during their Sunday school class. It also came off very well; the people in the class were, after all, their closest friends.
These weddings cost effectively nothing.
You don’t have to spend big to have a wedding. In fact, I also think the more you spend, the less likely the marriage will last. The more you spend the less likely you have a clue.
It’s been good.
I’ve taken a step back since and I’m so GLAD I did.
“What is.......is. What was.....will be. What will be *was*, but will be again.” - Horshack, Welcome Back Kotter
I agree with that for the most part.
“One of the differences between the haves and the have-nots,” Fleischer notes, “is that the haves tend to marry and give birth, in that order. The have-nots tend to have babies and remain unmarried. Marriage makes a difference.”
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