Posted on 05/25/2014 4:25:00 AM PDT by Kaslin
Sometimes I wish I was a radical gay, or a revolting, slick-haired, black race-baiter or drastic Muslim like that angry, rage-boy dude who’s the poster child for all the funny as heck Muslim memes.
Why am I forlorn at times with my heterosexuality, my caucasoidness and my evangelicalism? Well … it’s not that I now loathe the ladies, my pigmentation or the five Solas of the Reformation, but it’s primarily predicated upon the fact that as such a critter I can’t get away with squat any longer.
Heck, I can’t even use a tone in my voice, unless I’m mocking a redneck, lest I be reckoned with a notorious seventeenth century slave owner from Sierra Leone. And forget having chicken at a BBQ I’m hosting if I have any black friends over for that soiree. Somehow that’s now become an insult.
In addition to that muzzling, I can’t do any more gay jokes without a group of angry lesbians showing up at my house and unscrewing all of my light bulbs. I couldn’t even wince the other day when Michael Sam kissed his boy-toy after being drafted by the Rams. If I did that, I would have committed the hate crime of “double bigotry.” And lastly, forget about my linking anything horrible that’s happened on this third rock from the sun to the Religion of Peace. That’s verboten for moi.
As a honky, I now feel more inhibited than Cliven Bundy DJ’ing at a Snoop-Lion-hosted Def Jam.
The weird thing is that I do not hate people because of color, sexual proclivities or one’s religion or lack thereof. I have found that if one gets to truly know people of different persuasions and understand their thoughts, desires, ambitions, fears and dreams, there are much more profound reasons to be freaked out by them than such silly, surfacy stuff.
Now, as much as I’m trying to be a good gringo and I feel like the Re-education of Doug Giles is taking root (somewhat), I still have moments of moral weakness where I would like to tell certain people and groups to sit on a giant pine-cone and rotate but alas … I cannot, because I’m the wrong sex, race, religion and political persuasion.
For instance, if I liked to check Jethro’s oil like say … uh … Clay Aiken does, I could call a perceived enemy female political pundit the “C” word in a tweet and encourage people to punch her in the face -- and I could still be the media’s darling, run for Congress and actually have a chance in Hades of winning after such abhorrent behavior. I’m not saying that I would ever do that but I’d like to know that if I did, in a moment of fleshly weakness, that I’d still get a pass; but you and I both know that ain’t gonna happen. Why? Because I’m a heterosexual WASP. That’s why.
Wouldn’t it also be kinda cool to lambaste a basketball team owner and a cattleman as vile racists, all the while having a more revolting track record and a recent video of one’s self saying substantially worse things, and walk away unscathed like Al Sharpton does on a regular basis?
It would also be neat to demand that people bow to my beliefs and change everything they do to accommodate my faith like Islam does. If they don’t like bacon, Kate Upton’s ample assets, women being educated or Pharrell’s song "Happy", then, by Allah, curtsy and kiss the ring. But that ain't happening for me because no one gives a crap about what a Reformed Presbyterian wants or is offended by.
So, my dear readers, it appears as if my supposed “white privilege” has zero leverage in Obamaland compared to gay radicals, black racists and Islamic whack jobs. So, I guess I’ll be a good boy, put on my Pat Boone records, try not to say or do anything wrong, and keep grinning until my teeth are dry, because there’s currently a massive double standard in regards to what I’m allowed versus what the aforementioned can get away with 24/7.
Democrat privilege.
I’ve never wished I was any of those things. To each his own.
The latest one was when I went out to get something from the garage fridge, I saw a little white basket on top of it and grabbed it. It was full of strawberries that she and my grand daughter had picked about 6 days before. 6 days in a hot garage - guess what that looked like.
Accusations flew wildly. "Thank you for telling me I have to clean it up![implying, A$$HOLE]" "You're the one that dropped it". "It looked like two dead rats in a basket, of course I dropped it" says I. Nothing....then "pffft".
It ended when I texted "Check your privilege!"
She laughed. Since then whenever one of us gets mad, the other says "CYP!" and we laugh....
It's the new argument put-it-to-bed retort. Not what liberals intended. My own personal little white peoples' N-word...
0bummer qualifies on all three.
“So, I guess I’ll be a good boy, put on my Pat Boone records, try not to say or do anything wrong, and keep grinning until my teeth are dry, because there’s currently a massive double standard in regards to what I’m allowed versus what the aforementioned can get away with 24/7.”
...and continue to self-segregate. Here in NJ the two worlds rarely meet...
I certainly haven’t received white privilege. I can think of plenty of celebrities of color that do though.
I wouldn’t trade places with them or just about any celebrity, for that matter.
Like Ringo Starr.
LOL, that was a good one.
Doug Giles left off a big one in the priviledge department, being an illegal invader. They don’t have to follow the laws. American citizens should declare themselves to be illegal invaders and starting reaping the benefits, including love from Jeb Buah, now that they’re no longer lazy, anti-family, hatefilled Americanos.
All the folks who complain about white privilege have the perfect solution easily available to them: go to a nation where their group is in the majority and enjoy ________ privilege.
But none seem to take advantage of that always available opportunity to escape this terrible land of white privilege.
Hussein is working hard to destroy America by agitating and encouraging the "problems" of American society. As a Muslim who hates Christian America, by working from the inside he can bring these problems to the front page that can't be effectively "solved" but can be used to destroy our country from the inside.
The presstitutes and fools like Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, Mark Levin ETC. will not explore the possibility that Hussein Obama is working for them, not us. They, like most Americans, let the presstitutes frame what they think and they will not even consider that Hussein is a traitor even though that is the obvious explanation that perfectly explains Hussein's actions such as him giving aid and weapons to Muslim terrorist groups.
None of this makes sense until you plug the constraint into the equation that Hussein is funded and supported by Muslim terrorists, then it all fits.
Well stated.
What does he have to worry about? I am a six foot four inch, two hundred and fifty pound milk white caucasian descended from the Norman conquerors of England at the battle of Hastings, born ten miles from the site of the first secession meeting in SC, the second son of the second son of a son of a confederate soldier, raised walking behind a mule, picking cotton and hauling watermelons, baptized in a mill pond at age twelve by a raving mad Southern baptist preacher, avoided the draft by going straight from high school to Navy boot camp at San Diego where I ate the first slice of pizza I had ever seen in my life and I am heterosexual and married on top of all that. I love bluegrass music as well as Buddy Holly, Willie Nelson, Roy Orbison, Johnny Cash, Ray Price, Ray Charles, Sam Cooke, The Inkspots, The Platters, Gatemouth Brown etc. but I cannot stand Rap or anything else about the “HipHop” culture.
I claim to be the most politically INCORRECT man in North America. Do not challenge my title, I have only given the briefest of listings of my qualifications.
In the immortal words of Sam Kinnison, I can’t imagine staring at some guy’s hairy a$$hole and finding love.
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