Posted on 05/28/2014 11:42:03 AM PDT by Impala64ssa
Sometimes I wish I was a radical gay, or a revolting, slick-haired, black race-baiter or drastic Muslim like that angry, rage-boy dude who’s the poster child for all the funny as heck Muslim memes.
Why am I forlorn at times with my heterosexuality, my caucasoidness and my evangelicalism? Well … it’s not that I now loathe the ladies, my pigmentation or the five Solas of the Reformation, but it’s primarily predicated upon the fact that as such a critter I can’t get away with squat any longer.
Heck, I can’t even use a tone in my voice, unless I’m mocking a redneck, lest I be reckoned with a notorious seventeenth century slave owner from Sierra Leone. And forget having chicken at a BBQ I’m hosting if I have any black friends over for that soiree. Somehow that’s now become an insult.
In addition to that muzzling, I can’t do any more gay jokes without a group of angry lesbians showing up at my house and unscrewing all of my light bulbs. I couldn’t even wince the other day when Michael Sam kissed his boy-toy after being drafted by the Rams. If I did that, I would have committed the hate crime of, “double bigotry.” And lastly, forget about my linking any thing horrible that’s happened on this third rock from the sun to the Religion of Peace. That’s verboten for moi.
As a honky, I now feel more inhibited than Cliven Bundy DJ’ing at a Snoop-Lion-hosted Def Jam.
The weird thing is that I do not hate people because of color, sexual proclivities or one’s religion or lack thereof. I have found that if one gets to truly know people of different persuasions and understand their thoughts, desires, ambitions, fears and dreams, there are much more profound reasons to be freaked out by them than such silly, surfacy stuff.
Now, as much as I’m trying to be a good gringo and I feel like the Re-education of Doug Giles is taking root (somewhat), I still have moments of moral weakness where I would like to tell certain people and groups to sit on a giant pine-cone and rotate but alas … I cannot, because I’m the wrong sex, race, religion and political persuasion.
For instance, if I liked to check Jethro’s oil like say … uh … Clay Aiken does, I could call a perceived enemy female political pundit the “C” word in a tweet and encourage people to punch her in the face — and I could still be the media’s darling, run for Congress and actually have a chance in Hades of winning after such abhorrent behavior. I’m not saying that I would ever do that but I’d like to know that if I did, in a moment of fleshly weakness, that I’d still get a pass; but you and I both know that ain’t gonna happen. Why? Because I’m a heterosexual WASP. That’s why.
Wouldn’t it also be kinda cool to lambaste a basketball team owner and a cattleman as vile racists, all the while having a more revolting track record and a recent video of one’s self saying substantially worse things, and walk away unscathed like Al Sharpton does on a regular basis?
It would also be neat to demand that people bow to my beliefs and change everything they do to accommodate my faith like Islam does. If they don’t like bacon, Kate Upton’s ample assets, women being educated or Pharrel’s song “Happy”, then, by Allah, curtsy and kiss the ring. But that ain’t happening for me because no one gives a crap about what a Reformed Presbyterian wants or is offended by.
So, my dear readers, it appears as if my supposed “white privilege” has zero leverage in Obamaland compared to gay radicals, black racists and Islamic whack jobs. So, I guess I’ll be a good boy, put on my Pat Boone records, try not to say or do anything wrong, and keep grinning until my teeth are dry, because there’s currently a massive double standard in regards to what I’m allowed versus what the aforementioned can get away with 24/7.
Put that little creep who shot up Isla Vista in a pair of footie pajamas and stick a mug of hot cocoa in his paw, and he’s the perfect poster boy for Obamacare’s mental health provisions.
Leftist Privilege
Don’t tell me they want to do away with Affirmative Action for Muslim terrorists too !!!!!
You have to give the lefties credit for consistency. It is an ironclad guarantee that they will always- Always, accuse others of doing exactly what they’re doing themselves.
LOL @ “check Jethro’s oil”.
Think GLOBALLY. Act HILLBILLY.
Had a 64 Imp 2dr but not ssa. Also had a ‘67 Stang.
Wish I still had both.
Urban blacks are STUPID!~ They keep voting Democrat and the conditions they live in get worse and worse. They might as well piss in their water like they still do in Africa.
Actually, Blacks are having to take a "back seat" when it comes to white gays.
Never thought I'd see that happen.
But then you can do anything the author is forbidden to do if you are a liberal.
His BOOTS may not be shiny, but his PANTS are.
He knows more about what HE is doing than the Majority of LIBS - both party LIBS do.
The lucrative Victims Industry rolls out newest promotion in time to Celebrate 100 years!
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“There is a class of colored people who make a business of keeping the troubles, the wrongs, and the hardships of the Negro race before the public. Having learned that they are able to make a living out of their troubles, they have grown into the settled habit of advertising their wrongs-partly because they want sympathy and partly because it pays. Some of these people do not want the Negro to lose his grievances, because they do not want to lose their jobs. ~ Booker T. Washington (1856-1915.) ~ Educator, Author, Civil Rights Leader
Well said.
Exactly. White males have two strikes against us in today’s society, but you don’t hear us whining about it.
If everyone stopped being so PC,
Maybe we could live in harmony.
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