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I’ve been an RN for 28 years and the real challenge sometimes is to make sure that family members aren’t unduly crowding out poor Dying aunt Millie’s feet from her own shoes and putting their own into them...do you “capisce”?

I’ve seen too many want their “Aunt Millie’s” kept alive beyond all hope because she had a disability or social security check coming in. Conversely, I’ve seen them want their “Aunt Millie’s” dead, trying to get the nurses to witness change of POA cards, ect because there’s the house and several million dollars waiting to be divied up.

A person who thinks their aunt Millie or Grandma Emma is really suffering needs, at some point, to do a personal reality check and pause...”Am I imposing my concept of what I ‘feel’ is real suffering on the count of my loved one because I simply am not mature enough to cope with that reality? Do I really understand what Uncle Joe wants or would want, or do I just want it all to end quickly, not for his sake but because I can’t personally stand to look at it? Am I like a “Green Mile Percy”, just wanting to see a death for death’s sake?

Clarity comes and wiser choices are often made when a family is supported through these types of questions. Death may still come,the plug may still be pulled, but consciences are ultimately clear when the proper time comes for everyone to “let go!”

So I have held their hands, and held them some of them as they ultimately bled out as they died. I have been through this scores of times over the years, I know I have lost count. So I chuckle a bit at your “3 times” as though it makes you an expert at death and dying. I don’t even consider my self an expert, nor why God in flesh...Jesus Christ had to suffer and die!!!!! For our sins?! I’m grateful for his sacrifice but I’ll never fathom God’s death on the cross or the love that compelled him to do it!!!

The wariest to let go are often those religious conservative folk who want to make sure it is God’s time and not because a pro euthansia mindset is affecting their choices as is the case with many of my co-worker nurses. I have often had to resist and speak up when nurses are saying...”Oh that old Mr. so and so is too old...we ought to just not treat him because he has no quality of life; has any one talked to that “stupid” family of his!”(yes they do use words like this, I give fair warning!)...only to see him improve with rest and fluids and to hear later, 80 year old Mr. so and so is out cutting his lawn and running errands for needy folk again.

I know also that when it is “time” for some, I will do my best to comfort family and to easy any suffering the patient is having. Then when everyone is gone, I send my co-workers out, preferring to ready the body for the morgue myself and then I allow my self to reflect and grieve quietly.

I tip my hat to you.

Yes, three times does not compare. I understand that.

But there are many more around here that speak out forcefully about something they know nothing about. My meager experience is a lifetime beyond theirs. Yours dwarfs mine. I am humbled by that. Really.

But the more I go though this, now with my own parents and in laws, I can agree with you that the time to make these decisions is not at the bedside. If you want to see people behave like lunatics, death beds and funeral homes are the place to get front row seats.

I am sure you could write a book. Thank you for telling your story.