A young man I know who is 19 just married a girl he’s known for 3 whole months against his parents advice. And he’s leaving next month for boot camp. I wrote him a very long, blunt and honest letter about what his responsibilities are now. They are living in her parents house. Big mistake. I told him that he needs to establish his household, not be under his FIL’s roof.
I also told him that he made a rash lifetime decision and t’s now time to man up.
I apparently didn’t work. His new wife, who apparently wears the pants texted me with a “dear Shutup” letter saying I don’t know him and their situation. I didn’t pull the knowing him for a decade vs. 3 months card. After a few back and forth texts, she settled down. I offered to pay their way to an upcoming marriage conference through Family Life ministry.
Sadly, I’m sure his pride will prevent him from going. I hope to get a phone call at some time telling me my advice was dead on, I only hope it’s not after he’s no longer married.
Being her and her family’s boy toy is probably not going to be propitious for him in the long run, though there HAVE been enduring marriages like that.
Anyhow it’s possible to be TOO dutch uncle to be of use in a situation. Driving the lad away or shoving him deeper into her arms is counterproductive. Balanced advice has to point out the upside of doing things right, not just the downside of doing things wrong. It’s possible to be right the wrong way.