Skip to comments.Parents ask: Should we wait for our son to come out — or ask him ourselves if he’s gay?
Posted on 06/24/2014 6:43:05 PM PDT by mgist
Dear Civilities: My husband and I have a tween son whom we can easily imagine, one day, telling us that he is gay. Or perhaps not; we dont know his orientation yet, and either way is fine. We love him unconditionally and this is not an issue. My question is about how to handle that conversation if and when he chooses to start it. Or should we ask him? I dont want to say the wrong thing, omit the right thing or suggest that something so important to him is not an issue for us. As a parent, what should we say and not say during this conversation? Gina P.
A: Although you dont know your sons sexual orientation yet, I applaud your question about how to handle the coming-out talk, the goal of which is to make sure that he feels your love and support. Frankly, I wish every parent of every child thought along these same lines. Because the real question is: How do I raise a child who will know hes loved, whether LGBT or straight, and who accepts all others regardless of their sexual identity?
So, the best thing you could do for your son will take place before the talk, and thats to be matter-of-fact about being gay. Watch Modern Family together and talk positively about the characters. When you hear that yet another state has legalized same-sex marriage , chat about it over dinner and celebrate the news. In fact, the supper table can help convey your attitudes and perspectives on world news in general, which will reinforce your values to your son. Follow my parents open-table policy and show your son that you are welcoming of all good people.
(Excerpt) Read more at washingtonpost.com ...
“My son hears voices and refuses to bathe or go near water. He harms himself and tortures small animals. Sometimes he talks about burning down our house. He giggles when he talks bout that. My question is simple: How do I tell him that I love him just the way he is and would never want him to break free of his mental illness?”
A “tween” is defined as between ages 10-12 by the way.
I have a tween daughter and that is not a conversation I would have with her, unless I was a pedeophile.
Just leave a cucumber on his night stand. If it is still there the next morning then he is normal.
Emrace your killer insticts son. If it feels good do it Jeffrey Dahmer.
If he doesn’t come out soon, kick his ass and make him come out. Tell him he’s gay! Convince him of it! You Munchausen’s infested idiots!
Check is browser history. that’ll tell you all you need to know.
I always wondered, what if my son is a Democrat? Where would he live after I disowned him? How would I explain it to my friends?
That seems to be the way it is done these days
I have a theory that most gays are introduced to it at an early age. Often by a friend or relative. The natural emotional/physical response that is intended to reinforce a marriage gets pointed instead at same sex attraction.
So here's my thoughts:
Same, mine thinks he is a Libertarian. I beat him about the head and face when he gets home from his 50 hour a week summer job!!!
A tween doesn’t know what he (or she) is. It isn’t anything a child this age shouldn’t even be thinking about.
This ‘advice’ columnist should be shot.
Sure ask him. Who cares nowadays?
Sure ask him. Who cares nowadays?
I knew unconditionally at about age five that girls
were magnificent. Hands downs, no debate. Fifty
years later and nothing has changed.
I just threw up.
They shouldn’t ask their son if he is gay. They should demand he be gay, so they can show their neighbors know how tolerant they are. I hear a lot of people saying they hope their child is gay now.
I guess that leaves out conservatives, tea party groups,those who believe in the 2nd amendment, many religious people, etc. The "good people" would be democrats, liberals, gays, anti-religious, etc. /s
I agree. Famed singer Ricky Martin had the producer that was murdered by his sons.
Because of the trauma they have sufferred, they deserve compassion. I was blessed not to have been assualted by a homosexual as a child. I treat everyone with love.
There but for the grace of God go I.
Basically the answer was: “Turn Him Gay! That’s the best thing you can do!”
LOL If it were up to me, you will have “won” the thread.
Geez- how clueless can people be? If the boy (that’s boy, meaning born with male type furniture) is not gay, or “leaning” gay, or “effeminate”- whatever the hell mom & dad want to think he might be, can you imagine how devastated this kid would be to have his own parents accuse him of that?
Talk about scarring your kid for life...
(I hate leftists)
“I am so proud if you son.
We aways wanted a gay child. Boy, the neighbors sure will be jealous of us, their kids are straight,
Do you want me to pick up some condoms for you when I go to the grocery store? You can never be to careful (blushing)”
Just announce it on Facebook for him...
So, the best thing you could do for your son will take place before the talk, and thats to be matter-of-fact about being gay. Watch Modern Family together and talk positively about the characters
Grooming your child to be Gay a pedophile’s dream.
Give the kid a lingerie catalog like Victorias Secret.
Should straighten him right out.
That’s exactly what I was thinking. These twisted-sister “parents” are practically falling all over themselves to encourage their kid to be a Trendy Gay.
“Don’t let the world tell you who you are.”
There is an entire emotional/spiritual complex that gets twisted. Distancing from God is at the heart of it.
I knew a guy who had some effeminate ways but was married and had a couple of kids. He came to me once after church and wanted to talk - he told me that as a young man his Uncle and another person had said he was gay because of his speech - it had concerned him all his life. SO much so that he had gone to a “Coming Out” group to see if it was true. Anyway he got around to deciding that he wasn’t. What His Uncle had done to him was to sew a seed of doubt that had bothered him all his teen and adult life - there is life and death in our words - especially to unformed egos in teens. I would have liked to have smacked his Uncle and the other man about the head for a few hours for the pain and anguish they caused this guy!
Check out this one from the other night:
I Know My 9-Year-Old Son’s ‘Type’: Pretty Boys With Dark Hair
“This advice columnist should be shot.”
It’s the same old WaPo garbage.
Or he likes eating cucumbers...
Ten to twelve year old boys are often still in the “girls are icky, but I like how they look” phase. So you get a push and pull and rebound “I like them, I hate them, should I kiss her or push her to prove I’m a boy?”
A tween doesn’t have a sufficiently developed mind to appreciate the import of the “gay” label, except that he does like and maybe even love his close friends as brothers. And he isn’t sufficiently developed sexually to know whether he likes girls. And he isn’t sufficiently experienced with girls if the hormones have kicked in to be anything but awkward.
In short, an 18 year old who says “girls a lower sexual appeal than a truck” probably knows what turns him on and what doesn’t.
A 12 year old can’t. But parents labeling him and then pushing him in that direction will create a self-fulfilling prophecy from which he won’t escape.
I was chatting with a high school friend on Facebook the other night. I know that he is homosexual now, but it was always suspected by people during our teen years.
His mom died last year and he posted last year how wonderful she was. She sounded like the perfect mom. My friend was adopted.
Well he posted something lovely again about his mom on what would have been her birthday recently.
I told him how touched I was about his love for his mom. He then confided in me that even though he loved his mom she did something horrible to him. She had walked in on a family member abusing him and did nothing to stop it then or later. He said he was literally abused by this person hundreds of times between the ages of 9 to 13. When the person went on to abuse his younger sister then the mom intervened. He said he felt so much shame. So unloved.
I felt awful for him. I don't know if my friend would have turned out homosexual had this never happened, but he told me it was at the heart of his promiscuity and not being able to be attached. He has also had a tremendous problem with addiction that he has been forced by the state to address (got caught selling).
He did get married at one time and had two children. I know he still loves that woman as he has spoken fondly of her on his FB page, but they have been split for a long time. I'm not sure how long he has been with the man he lives with now.
Dear Civilities: My husband and I have a 12 year old daughter who spends a lot of time alone at funeral homes visiting the wakes of people she doesn’t know. So we can easily imagine, one day, finding out she is a necrophiliac. Or perhaps not; we dont know her orientation yet, and either way is fine. We love her unconditionally and whether she is attracted to dead people is not an issue. My question is about how to handle that conversation if and when she chooses to start it. Or should we ask her? I dont want to say the wrong thing, omit the right thing or suggest that something so important to her is not an issue for us. As a parent, what should we say and not say during this conversation? Gina P.
A: Although you dont know your daughters sexual orientation yet, I applaud your question about how to handle the coming-out talk, the goal of which is to make sure that she feels your love and support. Frankly, I wish every parent of every child thought along these same lines. Because the real question is: How do I raise a child who will know shes loved, whether she sleeps with dead or live people, and who accepts all others (except people who disagree with her lifestyle) regardless of their sexual identity?
So, the best thing you could do for your daughter will take place before the talk, and thats to be matter-of-fact about being a necrophile. Watch the 1988 film “Dead Mate” together and talk positively about the characters. When you hear about incidents of necrophilia in the news, celebrate the happy necrophile and his or her deceased lover. In fact, the supper table can help convey your attitudes and perspectives on world news in general, which will reinforce your values to your daughter. Follow my parents open-table policy and show your daughter that you are welcoming of all people, except those nasty right-wing bigots who don’t share your sexual beliefs.
Any honest mental health professional will tell you that the overwhelming majority of male homosexuals were molested as children by an older male or introduced to homosexual behavior by peers.
My husband and I have a tween son whom we can easily imagine, one day, telling us that he is gay. Or perhaps not; we dont know his orientation yet, and either way is fine
Do you people live on top of a friggin fence???
Grow a set yourselves and pick one thing............
Even more striking in tone is a recent article where a man, who is convinced his 9 year old son is gay, proclaims that he knows what type of males his son finds attractive.
“I know my 9 year old son’s type”
that guy needs to be on a watch list.
My 5 yr. old grandson is different. At a school function my daughter noticed him getting upset at a classmate. When they got home she asked him why. He told her “Justin kept telling me I have a girlfriend, but I HATE girlfriends.” LOL.
Er it’s almost as if some parents WANT their child to be gay, and ya know why...it’s because being gay is not only accepted by libtards I really think it is ENDEARING to them!
I agree. The article has a very disturbing tone. And I think I know who it is who finds pretty young boys with dark hair to be so attractive ...
“Give the kid a lingerie catalog like Victorias Secret.”
I had to make do with the Sears catalog... Kid’s today don’t know how good they have it.
Pretty damned disgusting..
Same here...just tried to put a modern slant to it.