The point is, that such stories did not stand alone. They also stood together with a widespread ethos that mere ordinary social good behavior was not enough to get along in Whitey’s world. That one had to kiss up to Whitey. And so the grandmother was teaching fear of Whitey, internalizing Whitey’s wrath. The result not even being God centered but selfishness centered, where the selfishness of Whitey was running the show.
Pendulums do what pendulums do — they swing. The bad behavior of today — an over reaction to the excesses of the past — does not exist without context. And neither will any real remedy.
You’re reading WAY more into his “my grandmother was tough” remark than I am. I think he’s just commenting that parents used to parent, and now they don’t.