Posted on 09/13/2017 1:20:08 PM PDT by metmom
I've worked in three different facilities. One had patients which had been there when the land was a Poor Farm. Others came from a closed down mental hospital, then the rest were ones either with issues that could not be treated at home or family couldn't.
I agree with you up to a point and a very clear and distinct line on this. Not all persons in families have the disposition to be caregivers. It doesn't make them bad persons but simply not all can do it especially long term. I say this as the former family caregiver of 32 years. I was married a few months shy of 30 years to a quadriplegic wife I married after the fact. She passed two years ago. So did my sister in a nursing home that had Dementia and required someone literally watch her 24/7. My Dad in 2011 was placed on Home Hospice with Cancer I was the primary care giver along with my Mom and a niece when she could break away from her out of state family.
In February this year my Mom entering her late 80's suffered a severe Stroke a massive bleeder.In the ER the Neurologist and ER attending doctor gave her at best 50% chance of even surviving. Within a little over two months she was gone and I did her home hospice. She developed what seemed to be a very rapid form of Dementia that progressed daily. I'm 60 now and it took it's toll physically on me this time and mentally. I hired some part time 4 hours a day three days a week private duty home health help as Mom had enough money I could. BTW I'm disabled since 1994.
If someone who doesn't have the disposition mentally and physically bad things can happen including abuse at home. I saw it happen and had to step in and do intervention which meant an assisted living Memory Care Unit. I was there several times a week watching for any signs of abuse and I knew who to report it too had it happened. It was for my sibling.
Nursing Homes have lots of injuries due to state and federal laws written by Liberal Fools. The biggest is the restraint law. I did put my Mom in a nursing home 21 days for one reason. It was a rehab facility with physical and occupational therapy department well staffed and equipped and that was the reason she was there. It was her best shot for recovery and coming back home independent. She simply wasn't recovering. One evening I got a call I hadn't been home but a few minutes. She fell out of her wheelchair and hit her head. I went to the ER she had hit her elbow first and had a pump knot.
Restraining a patient so they don't fall and injure themselves takes an act of congress. This policy started in the early 1990's. It's killed far more patients than any other cause other than their natural death. Three days later she was at my house on Palliative Care at first which is still trying for recovery but gets the family home visits by nurses etc. Before the fall happened they had already told me she was not progressing enough to be allowed anymore rehab time.
I promised my wife she would not be put in a nursing home and when her spinal stroke hit she was 35 and working in a nursing home as a very dedicated CNA. I told my dad I would take care of him and when time came take care of my Mom. I'm thankful for the blessing I was able to do it. But I also understand not all persons are capable. A son for example caring for a mother as sole caregiver it can have some very uncomfortable events you have to set aside mentally to do the task.
I will observe that after watching many suffer through moderate stage dementia and then having a dog go through it, too, I thought the way we care for beloved pets is more humane. The moderate stage where people are terrified and disoriented like in a nightmare is unbearable to watch. Just saying that our morality sometimes could use adjusting. If I'm ever in that phase, I hope someone will have mercy on me.
Too many buying generators seem not to understand the proper handling nor use of these. Sounds like you do. Sadly those who don’t will pay a serious if not deadly price.
mr. mm has done his share of engineering and the stupid things people do is sometimes beyond belief.
My m-i-l was deteriorating from dementia.
It’s more than one person can do to take care of someone with that condition. You need 24 hour surveillance. It’s just so demanding.
I can certainly understand why someone would put a parent with dementia in a nursing home eventually, especially if they become violent.
Very sad.
Both my sister and Mom had developed it from a Stroke. My sister could walk. My Mom lost use of her right side and never did walk afterward.
I hope no man judges how my family handled the dilemmas of the aging, independence loving American mom or dad, grandparent. Every single time you must deal with it is like a shock and disorients, kind of what losing a home must be like, MMom.
An aside on generators. My brother’s condo (empty - they are snowbirds) had no damage in SW Florida, but the main generator for the building broke down. (They did just find a smaller one). He said it turns on automatically every week or two and runs for 20 minutes. No issues.
After three hours of running the belt broke and some other parts failed! Sounds like they need to run a 6-hour(?) test every so often from now on. I fire up my little generator when I remember to, but not often enough. Although I’m guessing my little one to run the freezer, fridge and a few lights doesn’t have all of the issues a large one has.
Every situation is different and everyone has to do what they think is best for the situation they are in.
We have friends who were staying with their mom but when she very uncharacteristically got violent and started threatening to kill people, they HAD to put her in a secure place.
My m-i-l had no quite got to the point where she needed 24 hour supervision but was close.
Our biggest fear was her cigarette smoking. And there was a lot of controversy about whether someone should even be buying them for her.
Understood. I felt awe for my mom that in spite of the dementia, she was careful with dangerous things and even stopped driving without us taking the car away. Driving is one of the moments where things erupt because elders love their independence!
Obvious at certain times they play a role in life or death as in this example which played out.........This lady's father is on oxygen.. She broke down when realizing the last generator was taken while Irma was bearing down......
.....This man insisted she take his..
Driving was an issue with my m-i-l.
She would NOT give it up until they did a test for her response time and told her she HAD to.
Even then we had to hide her keys.
That’s a great story! Glad she was bold enough to talk about it or ask, and glad the guy thought more of her dad than keeping his freezer running.
He missed an opportunity though - he could have bought it for $500 and sold it to her for $1,000 or more. (Just kidding!)
Story pretty much said she ‘broke down’ when she saw there were no more...and this guy heard her and simply offered his to her....
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