i wont lie... it broke me. and when its all said and done, everything was my fault. to date theyve never even hinted at taking responsibilty for anything. I stopped trying completely a year ago. i’ll go to my grave knowing I did my best.
I completely understand...
same thing with me...
Children are adults now, and I manage to keep contact, but if I don’t do it, there would never be any...
May my ex burn in hell
Gaslighting is easy to combat.
Imagine the opposite of whatever the person says.
If it is closer to the truth you are dealing with a gaslighter.
If they do it more than once they are a sociopath.
There is only one proper response to a sociopath—run far far away..no excuses...no drama...no explanations...just run.
sit-rep, I’m very sorry that you’ve had such terrible sorrow and suffering.
My parents were both brilliant people and they used that gift to gaslight me and many of the people in their little corner of the world.
When my ex joined the family they took him under their wings and he joined in to create a very unholy trinity.
When I finally realized that they didn’t love or like me I removed myself from their lives. That’s when I began to heal and to realize that there was no way to repair my relationships with them because they only wanted me around in order to use me. For me, the only solution was to cut all ties completely.
Somehow I survived and am now rid of the whole lot of them but the scars they inflicted upon me and very many other people will continue to have an effect for a long time.
One thing that saved me is that, from the time of my very first memories, I have always known that God loves me, no more and no less than He loves any other person. But, I know that He loves me, therefore I know that I’m valuable no matter what my parents ever told me.
The other thing that has helped to cause as little harm as possible for all concerned has been my attempts to do the right thing and not to react in anger or to take revenge. Believe me, this has been very difficult and I’ve failed many times, but the trying has paid off and I’m continually seeing good and even surprising results from my poor attempts to take the high road.
sit-rep, there is hope for real healing and happiness. I’m proof of that. I can’t possibly know what your solution is but I do know that you are valuable and there are people who need you, especially now, with the wisdom you surely have gained from such a terrible suffering.
Also, there is always hope for your relationships with your children. Only yesterday I had a wonderful, joyful surprise and answer to heartfelt prayer that brought me to tears. (Always remember that you are your children’s only father.)
I hope you won’t mind if I pray for you this Christmas. :-)
Mayflower Madam, I worked with abused women and men, too, and that work helped me to understand my own situation better and to deal with it in a healthy way.
Thank you for your work. I’m sure that there are many people in this world suffering less than they would have suffered had it not been for your work.