Don't Have A Cow Over This- Humor Break

[jmp702]

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor. Then you covet it.

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his.

A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage which ultimately blows up the cows.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts that you have reduced your expenses. Your stock goes up.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th, 5 year plan in the last 3 months. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others. If they give milk, you tell no one.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows. You expropriate them. The American corporation goes Chapter 11.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

[zencycler]

THE NATIONAL ORGANIZATION OF WOMEN: You have one healthy young cow, three older raggedy looking cows, and you keep one bull penned up, and have been trying to get rid of him for years. One day, while you're all at a government conference, the bull breaks through his pen and has his way with one of the good looking cows. When you return and learn what has happened, you are outraged. You convince the cow that this was an act of violence, butcher the bull, and abort the unborn calf so that the cow is not inconvenienced. You teach the other cows to join you in ridiculing the younger cow, to help them and you feel better about being unattractive.

[zencycler]

Oh, thank you for the post. This is a great diversion, and a lot of fun.

[zencycler]

THE DOWNTRODDEN: You have one cow that is dying because you never learned how to take care of cows, but haven't figured out yet that you should either learn to be a better rancher, or look for other work. A Limousine Liberal with 100 cows takes pity on you and lobbies the government to tax the Great Unwashed, who each have two cows. So the goverment gives you a healthy cow from the Great Unwashed and gives it to you.

Now you have two cows that are dying. Barbara Streisand composes a song that has people crying over your dying cows.

[TheyConvictedOglethorpe]

THE CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS: You have two cows. You let them walk to the farm next door and buy two old cows from the farm down the road. The cows you used to have produce ten times as much milk as they did when you had them. The cows you have now produce one-tenth as much milk as they did on their old farm.

[zencycler]

AN ENVIRONMENTAL ACTIVIST: You have 2 cows on an organic farm. You don't use pesticides, hormones, or any other form of agricultural technology. You don't make a lot of money, but you feel very warm and fuzzy about how well you treat your land and your cows. But then a consortium of trusted liberal scientists working on Global Warming figure out that Cow Farts are actually the primary cause of the growing holes in the ozone layer. After careful consideration, you decide you'll kill your cows the next day to do your part to help save mankind. Two friends of yours - one an Animal Rights Activist and the other a Vegetarian - overhear you discussing your plan, so they kill you in your sleep to protect the cows.

[zencycler]

ANN COULTER: You have two cows, but nobody seems to notice.

[jmp702]

Excellent. Global warming activists vs. animal rights activists. Mad magazine satire.

[zencycler]

AN ATHIEST: You have two cows, but you don't spend much time on the ranch, because your too busy arguing with your Hindu neighbor about the futility of worshipping cows, or any other gods for that matter. And when you're not arguing about the folly of cow worship, you and a group of atheist ranchers are pressuring Congress to restrict the religious oppression that occurs anytime the Boy Wonder appears in print or on film saying "Holy Cow, Batman."

[zencycler]

BARNEY FRANK: You have two cows. Life is good.

[lawgirl]

This is funny and it reminds me of where my mom works--my mom works for a swiss guy that married an american woman. They moved to switzerland and she HATED IT! (duh) and she wanted to move back. He says to her "then I'll have to open our own business b/c i am not working for some american company where I only get 2 weeks of vacation a year!" Apparently they get 6 weeks in Switzerland.....whatever!!

[zencycler]

JANET RENO: You have two cows that always give lots of milk. But when you try to milk the cows, somehow you can't seem to get the milk into the bucket.

(Hey, Robert Reno can make fun of Rush going deaf, so I can poke fun at his sister having the shakes).

[Calvin Locke]

A FRENCH ... Life is good.

...You take the month of August off. Life is good.

[BunnySlippers]

Haha ... funny. Bump!

[zencycler]

DOLLY PARTON: You have two cows. And your not happy, because that's not what people used to call them.

[gfactor]

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows. You expropriate them. The American corporation goes Chapter 11.

Thats why brazil is so much wealthier than america.

[zencycler]

THE AMERICAN DAIRY ASSOCIATION: You don't have any cows, but you help promote the sale of milk, and foster a positive image for the dairy industry. As part of you public relations campaign, you pay to print the images of missing loved ones on milk cartons. One day you get a call from Albert Gore, who is still looking for his prize cow (see post #13), and wants you to help.

[zencycler]

AN INDEPENDENT: He's having a bowl of cereal one day and recognizes the image of Al Gore's prize cow on his milk carton (see post #36) as the stray cow he found weeks ago. He laughs, because he used to like Gore, but now thinks he's an idiot. He's keeping the cow, and selling the milk to his new friend and neighbor, George W. Bush.

[Visalia]

Whitley Streiber: Has two cows, they are abducted, mutilated, and left on some ranch for Linda Moulton Howe to find and write about.

[Gasshog]

bttt

[One4Indictment]

THE NATIONAL ORGANIZATION OF WOMEN: You have one healthy young cow, three older raggedy looking cows, and you keep one bull penned up, and have been trying to get rid of him for years. One day, while you're all at a government conference, the bull breaks through his pen and has his way with one of the good looking cows. When you return and learn what has happened, you are outraged. You convince the cow that this was an act of violence, butcher the bull, and abort the unborn calf so that the cow is not inconvenienced. You teach the other cows to join you in ridiculing the younger cow, to help them and you feel better about being unattractive

ROTFLMAO...This one is a classic!!!