Posted on 01/01/2002 1:27:41 PM PST by Psycho_Bunny
What do you see, over and over again in movies, that pisses you off?
1) There is nothing that can be placed in a motion picture which irritates the hell out of me more than a exceptionally bright, mature and self-possessed child. After years of this stupidity I've finally given it a name : Jurassic Park Syndrome.
Long-gone are the days of Shirley Temple, when children in movies were portrayed as 'cute' and, while they might have been placed in adult situations now and again, they were never wholly divorced from their childishness.
Now, in movie after movie after movie ad nauseam, we have Jurassic Park Syndrome shoved down our throats. Over and over, the Big Screen tells us that children aren't children at all but, fully mature and extremely well educated brains in small bodies. They have remarkable gifts, too - for instance, it takes less than a minute for the average 12-year old to crack into computers programmed by adults with Masters Degrees in Software Engineering from MIT.
Also, they are calm, cool and resourceful 'under fire'. It seems that the child's irrational fear of Whatever-Is-Under-The-Bed or the Monsters-In-The-Closet is nothing but a ruse. When push comes to shove, it's the children that keep their calm once the 15-foot monster actually shows up. While adults run around pulling their hair out and screaming, it's the children that cunningly devise A Plan to Save Everyone.
Of course, the problem with Jurassic Park Syndrome is that we've all met children. That being the case, it's 100% impossible to suspend the disbelief in their "super-abilities": children are almost entirely bereft of cognitive thought and can frequently be scared to death with a craftily made sock-puppet. We, in the audience, all know these are the facts. Stop telling us different.
Sure, there's smart kids out there but they're not 'Hey, let's build a skyscraper' smart. Sure, some children are brave but mostly it's a bravery born of being too stupid to know they should be scared. I don't think 'Aww, Mr. Lion is cute! I want to pet him' should be counted as true bravery.
2) Why are Bad-Guy Politicians ALWAYS conservatives? Well, there's two reasons for this: the primary factor is, of course, Hollywood Liberalism.
Screenwriters are flaming liberals...and they have to be. In order to portray human emotional conflict on the screen, writers have to be abnormally in touch with emotions. Given that liberalism is all about the Politics of Feelings but, conservatism requires a high degree of intellectual clearness of thought, screenwriters are forced to be liberals. They're simply helpless when faced with conservatism. They don't understand it: "How can the Head triumph over the Heart?"
As far as most screenwriters are concerned, there should be a feel-good solution to every problem in the world. And, maybe they're right but, the difference between liberals and conservatives is that conservatives know there isn't.
There's a second, more subtle, reason why Bad-Guy Politicians are always conservatives: PLAUSIBILITY.
Lets say you have to write a script about an "evil politician that's hatching an elaborate plan to take over the world". Who are you going to base your character on: Condi Rice or Maxine Waters? Dick Cheney or Tom Daschle? Hey: you're going to pick the conservative every time. Nobody's gonna buy that some pinhead liberal, who's probably too stupid to coordinate a sock drawer, has hatched a plan which threatens to lead them into control of the earth.
Sure, the liberal may take over by an accident of sheer stupidity, but the plot has to be interesting and thus, requires a well-thought plan.
Subsequently, your bad guy HAS to be a conservative.
3) Formulas. If I catch anything stronger than a whiff of a formula in a movie I leave the theatre. A formula means one of two things: either the author was too retarded or too lazy to come up with an intelligent story. Either way, my time has more value than their efforts are entitled to. I view the $8.00 admission price as "Money I lost by accident".
I learned at an early age that there is no shame in walking out of a stupid movie: the weather outside is ALWAYS better than a piece of crap flick.
3B) Club Cuts. Has there ever been ONE movie, ever, that cuts to a scene in a Jazz, Strip or Dance club that doesn't cut to it at the very beginning of a song? And why do directors insist on making us watch 1 to 4 minutes of the singing, stripping or dancing before panning to the characters and continuing with the movie?
If a movie cuts to the protagonists place of business, do we have to suffer through 3 minutes of office personnel shuffling paperwork in their day-to-day jobs? What's different with the clubs? ENOUGH WITH THE CLUB CUTS ALREADY!
Jeez.
4) Advert Phrases. This isn't so much about movies as it is an INDICATOR of a movie. If there is any press clipping, television advertisement, movie poster, or 'The Making Of' TV fluff-piece that uses either the phrase "In the tradition of XYZ" or "It's (One good movie) meets (Another good movie)" then you know, for absolute certain, the film in question sucks. Sucks Big Time.
Not only does the film suck but, it's entirely probable that watching it will induce you to being genuinely angry at the director, actors, writers, producers and any other person that had anything to do with the project. Your anger will be so complete that any time, years down the line, that the film is casually mentioned at a diner party or in the company break-room, your eyes will widen and you will briefly be singed with a flared temper all over again.
Do everyone a favor: if you see either of these phrases on a box-cover at Blockbuster, put the movie down and keep walking down the aisle.
I took two of my daughters to see Kate and Leopold yesterday. I can't get over how LOUD it is in the theater. It is overwhelming. I am talking about the sound itself.
BTW, we enjoyed the movie for the most part. I couldn't get past Meg Ryan's hair, though. I can't believe that someone actually gets PAID to do that to her hair. It looked stringy and like my 4 year old niece cut it. I enjoyed seeing the contrast of the cultures between Kate and Leopold. He was so refined and she was a woman of today. It really pointed out to me how crass we have become as a society. Of course, this is just my opinion. Perhaps at the age of 44, I have become an old coot-ette. Take care, God bless, and Happy New Year!
I could go on and on, but my hands are tired.
I think that Austin Powers may have been making fun of the bathroom scenes with its "who are you working for, number two" scene.
Movies nowadays are bland predictable drivel. Same looking women, same smug all-knowing facial expressions, same almost too thin bodies, same stupid comments. You even know when Julia Roberts will be letting loose with her phoney whooping hee-haw laughs. Same non-men 30 somethings like Brad Pitt and Matt whats-his-name and Ben somebody. Even Disney animations have the same stupid plot, and similar looking characters...strong jawed, yet dumb, men and doe eyed women who must prove something.
It's pathetic, and now I'm even intentionally boycotting the likes of Roberts and Spacey and Sarandon, Asner, Danny Glover along with the pointless gratutitous violence. I still like Robert Deniro, though.
Guess this dates me, huh?
Leni
It was given to us as a gift about two years ago and I think we have used it twice. I personally have never even turned it on or used the remote. I would have returned it for something else but I didn't want to offend the in-laws.
'shane'
'best years of our lives'
'sunset blvd.'
'treasure of the sierra madre'
'the sand pebbles'
'the yearling'
'true grit'
'mr. roberts'
'scarlett st.'
'the jungle book' (sabu)
and that john wayne isn't here to make any more films!
I'm surprised you made that comment. You risk being called a racist. White liberals, in an effort to atone for racism, feel it necessary to have wet dreams over black people. They create these ludicrous, patronizing caricatures.
The exploding car crash. Hollywood must have bought every car recalled for exploding even if involved in a fender-bender.
And every interface has a huge menu in large type and lots of graphics. Like in "The Net" where Sandra Bullock just had to point and click a fire alarm exactly where she wanted it. As if...
I'm willing to "suspend belief" when I go to a movie, but I'd like a *little* reality. I don't appreciate movies that rely on having idiots in the audience for their accolades.
Actually, even if the scenes don't show anything, they still "say" something. I was watching "You've Got Mail" with my older kids, and was very mad when I remembered that both lead characters were living with someone. The movie could have been just as great without that. Nothing like going from one bed to another........arrggghhhhhh Even "clean" movies preach Hollywood values. Yuck
I have a studio copy of the movie all should see..AI.. one of the worst flicks ever. And all of the reviews on how it was the greatest film ever....hahahahah
What an industry. Only the Music industry tops it...
I can relate. Went to the movies after a long hiatus to see Monsters, Inc. Believe me I was shocked, shocked I tell you, to see a smaller box of Milkduds priced at $3.25. $ 3.25 ! ! ! Not to mention the sticker price shock at $8.25. (The theater was deluxe, however.)
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