Posted on 04/30/2002 4:31:51 AM PDT by billorites
Got something in the mail from the cardinal this week
He's got his pudgy hand out, again.
This time I'm supposed to dig deep for the Cardinal's Appeal 2002. He's kidding, right? Surely there's some mistake here.
What's next - a fund-raising letter from the Jane Swift Committee?
I'll make you a deal, Bernie. When you go, I give.
The title of the brochure from the archdiocese is ``Making a Difference.'' Apparently that's not supposed to remind everyone on the mailing list that there's only one way that this cardinal can ever make a difference again.
As befits his pariah status, the bloated Bernard is relegated to a single photo in the eight-page brochure. Still, when you see that archdiocese logo on the front page, you immediately think of the archdiocesan all-star team - Shanley, Geoghan, McCormack, Birmingham, Paquin, Daily, Mahan, etc. The cardinal surely has a lot of very dear friends.
The Cardinal's Appeal 2002. Give till it hurts - like an altar boy. If you don't keep sending money to Lake Street, who will pay for the Rev. Shanley's venereal disease treatments?
The ``embattled'' cardinal still doesn't get it. He has to travel with more bodyguards than a mafia chieftain. He seldom ventures outside his opulent suites before sundown. Like Macbeth, those he commands move only in command, nothing in love. Not even man-boy love.
Too bad he's not an Internet guy. I understand that many of what he calls his ``brother priests'' are - two of them just went down in a big kiddie-porn sting the feds called Operation Candyman.
If he were online, away from his dwindling coterie of yes-priests, the cardinal could get a better idea of what people really think of him. On Friday morning, when the exile-to-Rome story appeared in this newspaper, everyone in cyberspace was taking him over the coals.
``Not so fast fatso,'' one guy wrote. ``You have a deposition coming up.''
Fatso? How the mighty are fallen.
Somebody posted this verdict: ``Not defrocked, but deflocked.''
Another wrote: ``His career as a Kennedy lapdog is ending.''
A guy named Dave said: ``If the Pope is really going to boot him upstairs to a job in the Vatican, it certainly gives new meaning to the phrase, OPERATION RESCUE.''
And those, believe me, were the nicest things anyone said about him. Does the cardinal know how much everyone is looking forward to his deposition, under pains and penalties of perjury?
I turn back to the brochure from the archdiocese and on page 2 there's a list of ``Programs and Services Funded by the Cardinal's Appeal,'' among them the Prison Ministry.
Prison ministry - does that include the Rev. Jon Martin in the rectory at St. Agnes grabbing his crotch and telling his child-molester pal Ducky Reardon that he's going up to the jail in Middleton to ``get some?''
And this outlaw Law wonders why he is shunned by all but his doomed flunkies.
Another beneficiary of the Cardinal's Appeal - St. John's Seminary. Beautiful.
Oh yes, by all means keep the seminary open. Otherwise, how will the archdiocese replace the likes of Msgr. Frederick Ryan, who cashed in his chips Friday. In his letter of resignation from St. Joseph's Parish in Kingston, Ryan mentioned how ``allegations as regards my person surfaced.''
What a collection of perverts and hypocrites. A woman told me this week that his fellow St. John's alumnus the Rev. Shanley used to patrol the dance floor at her parish socials, making sure none of the horny teenagers danced too closely together.
Shanley would shove his soft bejeweled hand between the dancers and push them apart, telling them, ``Make room for the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.''
Then he would go get a penicillin shot for his gonorrhea.
Oh yeah, Bernie, I'll pony up for your Cardinal's Appeal this year. In case you didn't hear me the first time, when you go, I'll give.
Howie Carr's radio show can be heard every weekday afternoon on WRKO-AM 680, WHYN-AM 560, WGAN-AM 560, WXTK 95.1 FM or online at howiecarr.org.
I suppose most of you here saw the political cartoon a few weeks ago. It depicted the annual rite of spring, the Running of the Altar Boys. Running from grabby priests. That's ridicule, and it hurts because there's more than a grain of truth to it. It was withdrawn after criticism, but it was on target.
My word to the church is, shape up, old buddy, and damn fast.
That said, I will not donate one dime to the Cardinal's Appeal. I will, however, include a short note in the return envelope letting the Cardinal know that my donation went directly to Catholic Charities - a wonderful organization that helps way too many needy men, women and children for me to be an instrument of their demise.
Closet freeper? I should say so, that "Not so fast fatso" quote and others were taken from FR. They're on a thread from Sunday, I think, I just can't remember the posters' names.
Wicked-pissa good, I'd say.
Howie Carr regularly quotes from FR postings.
Didn't know if it was okay to use the p-word here, so I used a Maine expression instead. As for Maine, it's been all downhill ever since Joshua Chamberlain.
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