Posted on 10/11/2002 6:50:26 AM PDT by kaylar
NEW YORK - On Saturday afternoon at Washington Square Park, I saw the strangest sight ever. Hundreds of dachshunds had gathered, with their owners, for the biannual Dachshund Fest, the largest "convention" of hot-dog-shaped dogs in the world. As I approached the park, dozens of dachshunds were getting out of cabs, dressed in their Sunday best.
"Jesus, what the hell was that?" I said, jumping back. It wouldn't be the last time I'd feel a surprise lick on my ankle. Who knew there were so many sausage-shaped canines?
"This is not a dog show," said Adrian Milton, who organized this, the 11th such gathering. "It's a love fest. We're not here to say, 'My dog is better than yours.' We're not out to attract people like that. We're just out to attract people who love dachshunds."
Milton, who has bleached blond hair and wears Armani sunglasses, says he came up with the idea for the fest when he saw that his first dachshund (now deceased) would get excited seeing other dachshunds on the street.
The dachshund he has now, Waldo, is spoiled rotten, he admits. "One of my friends saw us and said, 'Oh, that dog can walk? I had no idea.' I always carry him."
It's true the Dachshund Fest is a love fest. When the Post's photographer was asked if she was a "dog person" and happened to respond, "Uh, not particularly," she was shunned for the rest of the afternoon.
"Of course you were," I told her. "Never tell dog people you don't like dogs. It's like going into a children's bookstore and saying you hate babies."
Walking around, listening in on conversations, you realize some dachshund owners bring new meaning to New York neurotic.
"I hope he's not going to be overstimulated here," said one man, holding his dog under his arm, as he made his way through the tangle of leashes.
"His name is Magnolia," said someone else, "but we can't call him Maggie because one of our friends has a daughter named Maggie, so we call him Mags."
As if a gathering of dachshunds wasn't strange enough, it gets stranger.
"Can I have a copy of the Dachs Song?" I asked the accordion player, who was handing out copies of the sheet music. His name is Paul de Vries, I learn, and he wrote this anthem for the dogs in 1993.
"Why don't you hand some out?" he said, handing me a stack of about 50 sheets.
These things always happen to me, I swear.
"We're going to all sing together in about an hour. Everyone lifts their dachshunds into the air at the same time," he explained.
Interesting. Now that I had a job to do, I walked up to Gooster and Lulu, both dachshunds. Gooster was dressed in a Jets sports T-shirt, and Lulu was dressed as a fairy, with pink wings and everything.
I really wanted to ask, "Why? Why do this to your dog?" but the question, "Why didn't you dress up your dog?" would have been more appropriate, as more than half the dachshunds there were sporting some kind of costume.
"I also have a cheerleader outfit for her," said Lulu's owner, Susan Andriola. "Dachshunds love to dress up. I guess it's because I don't have a girl of my own to dress."
A dog named Scooter was wearing a Sherlock Holmes hat, another was wearing a bumblebee outfit, another a devil outfit. Two were even dressed as if they were going to Hawaii, with printed shirts and leis around their necks.
"I wanted her to go in style," said the owner of Bibi, who was wearing a hat with flowers.
Just after 1 p.m., Milton got up to the microphone. "It's time for the song. So everyone gather around."
Suddenly everyone was singing: "There's no o-ther dog like a dachs-hund, walk-ing so close to the ground, they're stub-born and sly as a fox, and the hap-pi-est pet to be found ... Most kinds of dogs seem to ei-ther have shapes or pro-por-tions all wrong ... but dachs-hunds are both short and long ... call you wei-ner, or sau-sage, or hot dog, we know that you're number one."
Apparently, most people had been to previous Dachshund Fests, as everybody seemed to know the words by heart.
And it's true: At the last verse, they all lifted their dogs to the sky. Of course, like most passersby, I couldn't help myself. I burst out laughing.
"You're not going to believe where I am," said the woman next to me into her cellphone. She was visiting from L.A.
"I'm at a park in New York and there are hundreds of dachshunds here," she continued. "Yep ... Yep ... Don't worry, I'm taking pictures. You are going to flip."
reckler@nationalpost.com
Did you remember that it was for Miller Lite? Or, as they called it then, "Lite Beer from Miller."
Michael
There really are weiner dog races, mostly for charity. When my DH was still a CO, his inmates were watching a weiner dog race in the day room. This was a mixed breed race of all small breeds, and a chihuahua was in the lead. Suddenly out of nowhere a weiner dog comes streaking up through the pack, plows the chihuahua over, and gets across the finish line first. The chihuahua picks himself up and looks around with a bewildered air, like,"What was that!?! What was that!?!" And one of the inmates turned to another and said of the winner,"That is one mean m-----f----r." To which the second inmate nodded in agreement. I would have liked to have seen that. Not just the weiner race, but a roomful of inmates watching the weiner race, and then getting indignant over the behavior of the winner/weiner.
I have a 28 pound longhair, don't even want to think about not having him.
To this day, though, if I raise my voice too much (not necessarily at her), or if you make a sudden move towards her, she flattens herself on the ground and just trembles all over.
Maybe it's better the creeps didn't have her around them more....
I have a 6 or 7 pound dachshund that has killed three opossums in my yard. The smallest was 10 pounds and he does it by snapping their necks, not leaving a mark on them.
I know it's considered juvenile, and in some circles, downright heretical, but prefer Ketchup myself.
Great weiner dog picture btw. Will forward it to an old girlfriend who had to put her's down after 13 years (I had to drive her to the vets). That was a tough day.
Don't worry, it was a long time ago, and she has a good sense of humor, won't be pissed off.
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