Posted on 10/11/2002 6:50:26 AM PDT by kaylar
NEW YORK - On Saturday afternoon at Washington Square Park, I saw the strangest sight ever. Hundreds of dachshunds had gathered, with their owners, for the biannual Dachshund Fest, the largest "convention" of hot-dog-shaped dogs in the world. As I approached the park, dozens of dachshunds were getting out of cabs, dressed in their Sunday best.
"Jesus, what the hell was that?" I said, jumping back. It wouldn't be the last time I'd feel a surprise lick on my ankle. Who knew there were so many sausage-shaped canines?
"This is not a dog show," said Adrian Milton, who organized this, the 11th such gathering. "It's a love fest. We're not here to say, 'My dog is better than yours.' We're not out to attract people like that. We're just out to attract people who love dachshunds."
Milton, who has bleached blond hair and wears Armani sunglasses, says he came up with the idea for the fest when he saw that his first dachshund (now deceased) would get excited seeing other dachshunds on the street.
The dachshund he has now, Waldo, is spoiled rotten, he admits. "One of my friends saw us and said, 'Oh, that dog can walk? I had no idea.' I always carry him."
It's true the Dachshund Fest is a love fest. When the Post's photographer was asked if she was a "dog person" and happened to respond, "Uh, not particularly," she was shunned for the rest of the afternoon.
"Of course you were," I told her. "Never tell dog people you don't like dogs. It's like going into a children's bookstore and saying you hate babies."
Walking around, listening in on conversations, you realize some dachshund owners bring new meaning to New York neurotic.
"I hope he's not going to be overstimulated here," said one man, holding his dog under his arm, as he made his way through the tangle of leashes.
"His name is Magnolia," said someone else, "but we can't call him Maggie because one of our friends has a daughter named Maggie, so we call him Mags."
As if a gathering of dachshunds wasn't strange enough, it gets stranger.
"Can I have a copy of the Dachs Song?" I asked the accordion player, who was handing out copies of the sheet music. His name is Paul de Vries, I learn, and he wrote this anthem for the dogs in 1993.
"Why don't you hand some out?" he said, handing me a stack of about 50 sheets.
These things always happen to me, I swear.
"We're going to all sing together in about an hour. Everyone lifts their dachshunds into the air at the same time," he explained.
Interesting. Now that I had a job to do, I walked up to Gooster and Lulu, both dachshunds. Gooster was dressed in a Jets sports T-shirt, and Lulu was dressed as a fairy, with pink wings and everything.
I really wanted to ask, "Why? Why do this to your dog?" but the question, "Why didn't you dress up your dog?" would have been more appropriate, as more than half the dachshunds there were sporting some kind of costume.
"I also have a cheerleader outfit for her," said Lulu's owner, Susan Andriola. "Dachshunds love to dress up. I guess it's because I don't have a girl of my own to dress."
A dog named Scooter was wearing a Sherlock Holmes hat, another was wearing a bumblebee outfit, another a devil outfit. Two were even dressed as if they were going to Hawaii, with printed shirts and leis around their necks.
"I wanted her to go in style," said the owner of Bibi, who was wearing a hat with flowers.
Just after 1 p.m., Milton got up to the microphone. "It's time for the song. So everyone gather around."
Suddenly everyone was singing: "There's no o-ther dog like a dachs-hund, walk-ing so close to the ground, they're stub-born and sly as a fox, and the hap-pi-est pet to be found ... Most kinds of dogs seem to ei-ther have shapes or pro-por-tions all wrong ... but dachs-hunds are both short and long ... call you wei-ner, or sau-sage, or hot dog, we know that you're number one."
Apparently, most people had been to previous Dachshund Fests, as everybody seemed to know the words by heart.
And it's true: At the last verse, they all lifted their dogs to the sky. Of course, like most passersby, I couldn't help myself. I burst out laughing.
"You're not going to believe where I am," said the woman next to me into her cellphone. She was visiting from L.A.
"I'm at a park in New York and there are hundreds of dachshunds here," she continued. "Yep ... Yep ... Don't worry, I'm taking pictures. You are going to flip."
reckler@nationalpost.com
I never forgot one thing (besides the obvious, don't feed your dog bread products) : When Rambo was in agony, his daddy tried to pet him to comfort him.Rambo grabbed dady's hand and bit down, three times, to say,Go away, I do not want to be touched right now. But he didn't break the skin. Even in great pain, he was careful not to hurt his humans (even though it would have served us right if he's severed an artery. Stupid!)
Oh man! That could be scary! I can't even imagine having a standard, let alone a dog THAT big with the temperment of a dachsie! Think of the trouble they'd get into!
Our labs MIGHT steal food off the edge of the table (at least when really young...they were actually trainable, unlike Fiona), but I can just see one of those dacshie-Danes jumping right up ONTO the table / counter and helping himself, not to mention opening the cabinets, removing every box and bottle, chewing them open and either eating the contents or scattering them allll over the house!
LOL! You wouldn't believe how many people couldn't tell what kind of dog my dachshund was when she was a puppy. I'd be carrying around this tiny little bit of a thing (she's about ten pounds FULL GROWN, so you can imagine what she was like as a puppy...), and someone would come up and pet her and then say, "She sure is cute now, but it'll be a different story when she's a great big grown-up Rottweiler, won't it?" Umm...yeah. Sure.
I believe it was the presence of dachshunds that inspired the German insult,"schweinhund". My dachshunds have heard that word many, many times. And schnell, as in," Achtung! Go outside! Schnell! Schnell!...(pause as dacshundslook out back door briefly, turn around and head back into the house)....You're not schnelling..."
They disobey commands in two languages.
But Mom! It's RAINING! Surely you don't expect me to go out THERE!
Mine knows what "hurry up" means. Doesn't mean she does it!
Humane society folks, though they do us a service, seem to be notorious for not knowing breeds...seems like everything here ends up as a "Lab mix", "beagle mix" or "shepherd mix", even when it's pretty obvious what breed actually dominates (and even when it appears to be a full bred dog of a slightly less common breed!)
Talking about good and obedient Fiona moments would be a rather short conversation! I love her to bits just the same, though...
I ran home at lunch to take her out for a potty break, and she did like she always does - I walk in the door, bend down to pet her, and she stands up (a la the picture in my profile) and wraps her front paws around my arm. Dachsie hug? She's such a doll...as well as a total stinker!
"The dachshund's many good qualities make up for any minor annoyances."
I kid you not, at least 10 sources in my library have a sentence on dachshunds that runs more or less like that one.
We own the only breed of dog that has a disclaimer in its description.
(Next time you check out a book on dachshies, see if it doesn't have a sentence very similar to that. I'd bet my dogs' lives that it will.)
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