Child Support and the Forced Father

The Opinion ^ | 20 Jan 03 | Angelica Haycook

[Mr. Silverback]

It goes now, and always has gone, that the father of a child (if absent from the child's life) is to pay child support in order for the mother to better care for the child conceived by the two people. This is a good idea, for many women have a hard time holding down a full-time job that pays well, while taking care of a child. Also, the father should have a responsibility towards the child they conceived together.

However, some cases have come to my attention in a personal incident, and I cannot help but think that the legal system is overlooking something important. There are women, who are in a relationship with a man, who have promised the man that she is on some form of birth control. Then the man comes to find that she is not, in fact, on birth control or, the woman stops taking her birth control without informing her partner.

The man, being in a relationship, feels that he can trust his partner and then finds that he has been deceived. The woman has become pregnant without his knowledge or consent, therefore inflicting the responsibility of a child upon herself. The man, feeling hurt and angered by her deception, leaves the relationship and later receives papers for child support.

The courts overlook the fact that the man had no knowledge of the woman's failure to continue the said birth control she was supposedly taking. He has been forced to be a father without his consent. They just look at the fact that he had unprotected sex with her and force him to pay child support. They forget that he was deceived and, if one cannot trust a person with whom they are in a long-term relationship, who can they trust?

Should this child truly be his responsibility or should the mother, who inflicted the pregnancy upon herself, without her partner's consent, have to take on the responsibility of raising the child on her own based upon the fact that she wanted the child in the first place and the man did not? In saying that she was on birth control and never telling the man that she had discontinued such medication, she has essentially promised him that he will not be having any unwanted children. So, any children that result from her negligence to take the birth control she informed him she was taking, should be solely her responsibility.

[Terriergal]

I think using the left's own ridiculousness against them would be an effective tactic.

I thought that is what you meant. But then, instead of having them suddenly 'see the light' - instead we'd have what they have in China - where *anyone* can force a woman to have an abortion. :-( You know the way human nature is that we will gravitate more easily toward the *worse* offense.

[RAT Patrol]

You might be right about that, Terrie.

[chs68]

"And for those of us who would like to roll back liberal abortion laws that, granting liberal laws to men is not going to help the cause, however much it seems to make sense."

I would not be too sure about that.

I do think that there is some value in exposing the hypocrisy and lies behind most of the arguments that support "female reproductive rights" and "reproductive choice" for women.

One thing that I have discovered is that when you use the same arguments that the most committed advocate for female reproductive choice uses to defend abortion on demand to suggest that men should have the same "reproductive rights" as women, you force even the most ardent pro-choice type into saying, "If you don't want the responsibilities of being a parent, then you should not have sex".

Which I always find delightfully amusing.

[Quester]

Which I always find delightfully amusing.

It is, ... isn't it ?

[Mr. Silverback]

Sorry for your situation. Will pray for you.

[Mr. Silverback]

BTW, quick addendum to previous post: My mocking of the author's point is not meant to imply that men who have been betrayed by their spouse should be screwed by the courts. I only mean that it is just plain ludicrous for anyone to suggest that a man is no longer responsible for his offspring if the woman he stuck it in told him a fib. Plus, it should be noted that the man Ms. Haycook is speaking of is single-- he should have kept it in his pants.

[Mr. Silverback]

Wrap your mind around this concept:

I posted this article. My callsign is Mr. Silverback.

Angelica Haycook wrote this article. I don't know if she has a callsign, but she ain't me, so she ain't Mr. Silverback.

If you will look at post #1, you will find that I think Ms. Haycook is full of crap.

Any questions?

[pinkyluv08]

If you didn't want a baby then you should have used some protection. even though you didn't want the child it was concieved. Birth control isnt 100 percent anyways so even if the women was taking the birth contro she STILL could have gotten pregnant. When you have sex with someone you need to realize that that union can result in a child. Be a man a take care of what you made!

[Amadeo]

Never trust a woman.

[nmh]

WHY can't the MAN make sure conception does NOT happen via a condom? WHY is that overlooked?

[rmh47]

If a man sleeps with a woman and impregnates her, then the responsibility is his to live up to.

I would have thought that the responsiblity would be shared by both parents.

[Keith in Iowa]

>>WHY can't the MAN make sure conception does NOT happen via a condom? WHY is that overlooked?

Condoms fail. Abstinence never fails.

[nmh]

>>WHY can't the MAN make sure conception does NOT happen via a condom? WHY is that overlooked?

Condoms fail. Abstinence never fails.


>>I agree, any kind of birth control can fail but to soley blame the woman is ridiculous. There is NO reason why a man can't atleast do something to prevent conception. The article is about women lying that they are taking birth control with NO mention that MEN CAN ALSO TAKE birth control precautions.

>>Sure abstinence is best but let's not heap all the blame on females where males SHOULD also take responsibility if self control, er abstinence is not possible.

[rmh47]

No one forces anyone to be a father. Men should keep their pants tucked in if they want to avoid this problem. Choose your wife wisely, sir.

Let's see if I understand you correctly. If a man behaves irresposibly, it's his fault. If his wife behaves irresponsibly, it's still his fault because he didn't choose her wisely enough. Is any part of this her responsiblity? Or am I missing something?

[FITZ]

I think support of the child should of course be a given --- however custody shouldn't be guaranteed to the mother --- what if custody was given to the better parent and the father was awarded custody and the mother had to pay him child support? It might make women a little more careful if they didn't see a baby as a guarantee of a check to them but instead could be one-fourth of their income for the next 20 years --- paid to the dad.

[mlmr]

Let's see if I understand you correctly. If a man behaves irresposibly, it's his fault. If his wife behaves irresponsibly, it's still his fault because he didn't choose her wisely enough. Is any part of this her responsiblity? Or am I missing something?

No silly. If a man behaves irresponsibly it is his responsibility. If his wife behaves irreponsibly it is her responsibility. Often men and women are blinded by emotional or sexual feelings and do not choose well and they have a responsibility for their choice.

[tj005]

>>>>Nothing against child support for a man who is the father. I just wish there was a way to track the money so that the father could be sure ALL the money was indeed going to the child's support and not to buy moms lipstick and gifts for her newest boyfriend. <<<

I know about that one. I bought my ex-wife's live in boyfriend more than one new truck over 17 yrs. And my daughter would have had to do without her asthma meds had I not bought them for her with money that was NOT child support. I agree, there should be SOME type of mandatory accountability if the support is suppose to be in the BEST interest of the child.

[tj005]

>>>They USUALLY test RIGHT after a vasectomy for that, don't they....to make sure there are no SURPRISES<<<

WEll... sort of ... there is usually a stock pile of sperm in the old live bank, but over the course of time like several weeks depending on sexual activity, the live ammo is gone and all that should be left is blanks. So for those several weeks, use contraception. AFter the lag time, get tested. If they are there, you can see them.

[tj005]

And dont forget.. she does NOT HAVE TO CLAIM IT AS INCOME!! so it is free tax free money. I had 17 yrs of it. Had to have 2 jobs to keep up. In Texas, any way you slice it.. it is wrong.

[goodnesswins]

I agree with you about the system of child support...seems there could be a system where a "holding bank" doled out the money, based upon receipts provided for the purchases....hmmmm, but that would probably put a lot of gov't bureaucrats outta work then.