Child Support and the Forced Father

The Opinion ^ | 20 Jan 03 | Angelica Haycook

[Mr. Silverback]

It goes now, and always has gone, that the father of a child (if absent from the child's life) is to pay child support in order for the mother to better care for the child conceived by the two people. This is a good idea, for many women have a hard time holding down a full-time job that pays well, while taking care of a child. Also, the father should have a responsibility towards the child they conceived together.

However, some cases have come to my attention in a personal incident, and I cannot help but think that the legal system is overlooking something important. There are women, who are in a relationship with a man, who have promised the man that she is on some form of birth control. Then the man comes to find that she is not, in fact, on birth control or, the woman stops taking her birth control without informing her partner.

The man, being in a relationship, feels that he can trust his partner and then finds that he has been deceived. The woman has become pregnant without his knowledge or consent, therefore inflicting the responsibility of a child upon herself. The man, feeling hurt and angered by her deception, leaves the relationship and later receives papers for child support.

The courts overlook the fact that the man had no knowledge of the woman's failure to continue the said birth control she was supposedly taking. He has been forced to be a father without his consent. They just look at the fact that he had unprotected sex with her and force him to pay child support. They forget that he was deceived and, if one cannot trust a person with whom they are in a long-term relationship, who can they trust?

Should this child truly be his responsibility or should the mother, who inflicted the pregnancy upon herself, without her partner's consent, have to take on the responsibility of raising the child on her own based upon the fact that she wanted the child in the first place and the man did not? In saying that she was on birth control and never telling the man that she had discontinued such medication, she has essentially promised him that he will not be having any unwanted children. So, any children that result from her negligence to take the birth control she informed him she was taking, should be solely her responsibility.

[mlmr]

The daily caring for the child, buying his clothes, cooking food, manageing his calandar doesn't count for anything?? A cusdodial woman has to work, take care of the children, and pay half of the upkeep? Doesn't seem fair to me. A good nanny costs about 25K plus housing. I think at leas 2/3 of that needs to be factored in here.

[weikel]

What about the men who are forced to pay child support to children which aren't theres.

[Mr. K]

Here is one- my ex was diagnosed as a psychopath by the courts own doctor, who recommended she not even be allowed overnight visitation and that I should have SOLE custody.

During the trial abotu 20 witnessed testified against her, none against me. She was CAUGHT filing false police report claiming I assaulted her. The kids began living with me for the remainder of the trial...

The children were hospitalized while visiting her for a weekend (for severe neglect, the hospital called the police and CPS). This was DURING the trial.

She admitted to having a 15 year history of child abuse and neglect, and operating a porn site containing sex with animals.

Her own lawyers quit THREE TIMES asking the judge to allow them to withdraw because of her lies and failure to obey court orders.

END RESULT: After living with me most of their life NY STATE SUPREME COURT JUDGE JOHN O'DONNELL took the children (three littl girls) away from me and gave them back to the psychopath mother. He also refused to hold her responsible for $200,000 damage and ordered child support that forced me into bankruptcy, the loss of $1 million in real estate, and the total destruction of the childrens financial future.

Since he did this her older boys have both been arrested and a third person was arrested for armend robbery, a gun, and drugs. The children come home covered wit bugs and filthy. Their medication is neglected. they are forced to sleep on the floor at various mens houses while their mother is in the bedroom. The have suffered burns and bruises at the hands of her two psychopathic boys.

THIS IS WHAT THE IDITO JUDGE THINKS IS IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILDREN??

[brityank]

Child support has become a way for parents to get alimony in situations where they wouldn't be entitled to any. The formulas are concrete, and there is no appeal.

That is why I took custody of my nine y.o. daughter eleven years ago in New York. I also told my ex we could pay for our daughters college, or the lawyers kids college -- her choice. Took a while. but she folded. If more men would stand up and fight for their rights, we wouldn't be having this discussion; but most of my brothers are wimps using the wrong head to think with.

[T Minus Four]

Actually there was a woman who carried a baby after a hysterectomey. A conceived zygote landed on her bowels. A true ectopic pregnancy. Both baby and mom did well and lived.

Source, please.

[Quix]

I AGREE with you.

However, this modern feminist hogwash that has women taking all the critical destructive choices in the matter is more than ridiculous.

If they want infanticide--the politicos and culture says wonderful--even at civic tax expense.

If they want to trap the man into child-support--great--go for it--again supported at civic tax expense.

At what point do we say there's something wrong with this equation?

Yes, it's an idiot man who'd think so unbrilliantly with his one eyed trouser mouse to the end of putting himself in that situation in the first place. And there seems to be no lack of such idiots. But that's not the whole picture either.

[mlmr]

I am going to have to dig for that one. It was about fifteen years ago. I cannot remember where I read about it...Guideposts...I cannot remember...but I will search. I don't read trash, so it was a reputable journal or some sorts. I even read a reference about it within the last five years.

[Quix]

And that doesn't get into the issue of why women do such things.

Typically they come from homes where they didn't get much if any and certainly not sufficient quality Love to build healthy relationships with other people.

Their 2 year old level fantasy is to have a baby that will be forced thereby to love them. Too soon, the diapers and normal demands of a baby become too much. Grandma is tasked to take over one manipulative way or another. Or, worse occurs.

Perhaps the child is maintained as a love despensing appendage for some years to come. Treated none too wisely nor maturely and with varying shades of at least emotional abuse.

As the child ages, he/she becomes increasingly rebellious at being treated as a love-on-demand vending machine strictly for the mother's immature selfish expectations. In short order, we have another candidate for a sociopathic addition to the local prison population.

And all Shrillary's idiot village can do is whine about the choice for infanticide. Whoever the villagers are who are supposedly going to rise up and help mature said child--they never to rarely show up for the task. Given Shrillary and Billdo's values, that may be some consolation.

[T Minus Four]

Forgive my skepticism, but, well, I'm a skeptic! :-)

[Protagoras]

If a man sleeps with a woman and impregnates her, then the responsibility is his to live up to.

True enough. Does that apply if a man's wife conceives in an illict affair? The law says the guilty has no responsibility so I guess it must be right.

[dd5339]

Like was said in post #59, "pick your wife wisely".

No you can't forsee every circumstance but you can minimize future problems by marrying someone of character, faith, and a high level of commitment. To marry someone without those only opens you up for future problems.

Personally I think a major part of the problem is no fault divorce. Some people have the idea that, gee I'm bored, time to go on elsewhere. I also think that part of the problem is that many have forgotten what the covenant of marriage is about, something about "for better, for worse".

Semper Fi

[Protagoras]

What about the men who are forced to pay child support to children which aren't theres.

Oops, You asked first, I didnt see your post.

[sharktrager]

Sorry, but no, it doesn't count. She has him 63% of the time legally, but the vast majority of that time is spent with him in school or asleep, neither of which requires any effort.

The 37% of the time I have him is almost all full-time attention.

The state estimates that a custodial parent spends 72 hours more per year with the child than a non-custodial parent.

As for cooking...she has to eat anyway. It's not any extra effort. Buying clothes? We both do that.

[Vic3O3]

No, I will not tell you to not get married if you don't like the picture you paint. I would suggest though if you are not yet married, or if you are divorced (you may have already figured this out by now...)that you very carefully consider whom you are dating, and why--is it just for sex? Well, see suggestion #1--don't screw around unmarried and its corrolary for the wedded--don't screw around outside of your marriage. The bottom line is that the men and women of this country need to be more careful of whom they choose to wed. Most folks I know who got divorced, made bad choices in a lifemate. They essentially got married for sexual reasons and immaturity, and have since paid the price.

As for the child custody issue you raise--I might surprise you--I have known some fathers who are better parents than the kids mothers. I don't see a problem with a man getting primary custody, provided he is the better parent. In which case, the woman would have to pay child support.

[Sweet_Sunflower29]

If my wife came up pregnant after I had had a vasectomy, I would be suspicious and get a test to determine if I was shooting blanks or live ammo

From the time Mr.S_S had his vasectomy until my hysterectomy a year later, I had nightmares about getting pregnant again knowing that this was the type of suspicion and subsequent headaches it could cause for everyone.

TMI, I know... blush.

[quietolong]

It’s time to stop all this “ do it for the children “ From the government.
End all forced Child support and Welfare.
It’s not only hurting children but pulling down the country.
I’ve seen too many examples of woman looking for a free ride whether it’s from some man or Uncle Sugar.

[mlmr]

You are right to be a sceptic. I am trying to search it out on the internet and am not sure how to find it since it was a pre internet story. It must have also been written up in an obstretrics journal since the case was so unusual. I remember that the mother was having problems after the hyst. Finally on the ultrasound a 2-3 month pregnancy was found. The parents agreed to continue the pregnancy since the little one had gotten so far. The placenta was attached to the bowel and she was on bedrest. The placenta became inadaquate at about 7-8 months and the baby was sectioned out. There was a picture of the Mom, Dad and baby.

Now perhaps there is an obstetric journal that would still have the information, and any search whiz Freepers are welcome to join my investigation.