Ireland Cancels Planned Invasion of Iraq

[CougarGA7]

Saddam was sitting in a hidden bunker one day when the phone rang.

Saddam: "Hello"

Paddy: "Hello there. This is Paddy from Ireland. I thought I would call today and tell you that we would be having a war with ya."

Saddam: "OK. What are you sending after me?"

Paddy: "Well, there's myself of course...John...Michael...and we're pretty sure Colin from Balbriggan is in."

Saddam: "OK. But you ought to know that my army is a million men strong."

There was a long silence.

Paddy: "I'll have to call ya back."

The next day the phone rang again.

Saddam: "Hello"

Paddy: "Hello, this is Paddy from Ireland again. I was just calling to say the war is still on. We have enlisted the help of the Rugby team, and we have mustered up 3 pitch forks and a shotgun."

Saddam: "OK. But you ought to know that I have almost 4000 tanks and 2000 artillery and since you last called I ordered a conscription and now have 1.5 million troops."

There's another long silence.

Paddy: "I'll have to call ya back."

The next day the phone rang again.

Saddam: "Hello"

Paddy: "Paddy from Ireland here again. The war is still on. We have recruited the hockey team and O'Mally up the road is gonna lend us his crop duster which we have tied a shotgun onto each wing."

Saddam: "OK. But you should know that I have over 200 fighter aircraft and I called in another conscription and I now have 2 million troops."

There another long silence.

Paddy: "I'll have to call you back."

The next day the phone rings again.

Saddam: "Hello"

Paddy: "This is Paddy from Ireland again. The war is off."

Saddam: "Really? Why is that?"

Saddam: "Well, me and the boys have been talking and we have decided that we just dont have the resources to feed and water 2 million prisoners."

[CougarGA7]

This was a joke that I was told during my trip to Ireland last week. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

[Ciexyz]

Send the boyos from "Gangs in New York" instead!

[nofriendofbills]

Joke? I'd call it a distinct possibilty

[Lokibob]

I wrote that one during the first Gulf War.

See my version on my web site (addy in my profile).

[zeaal]

It's in the "mail" to lots of good Irish folks on my email list. Thank you for posting.

[Ichneumon]

There's a somewhat similar joke involving Israel.

During the [pick any Arab-Israeli war], an Arab tank battallion paused to study their maps and break for lunch, when all of a sudden an Israeli soldier popped up from behind a nearby sand dune and called out, "you guys had better to back home, or you're gonna be in trouble!"

The Arab commander sneered and sent for Abdul, one of his biggest, brawniest soldiers. "Abdul," he commanded, "go kill that pest, but make it slow and painful." Abdul unslung his rifle and drew his knife, and went running after the Israeli.

They both disappeared behind the sand dune, and there were sounds of a scuffle. Then the Israeli, his hair barely mussed, climbed out from behind the sand dune again and said, "I mean it, you guys should just quit well you can."

The Arab commander snarled and ordered ten of his men to go kill the Israeli. They disappeared behind the sand dune and gunfire and screams rang out, then silence. The Arab commander smiled until the Israeli soldier, his shirt slightly torn, climbed back onto the sand dune and called out, "hey, you guys are starting to make me mad!"

Outraged, the Arab commander ordered his entire battallion to attack. Hundreds of Arabs surge forward, with armored cars and tanks clanking right behind them.

Suddenly Abdul, the first Arab soldier to engage the Israeli, crawled painfully up to the top of the sand dune and screamed, "turn back!! It's a trap!! There are *TWO* Israeli soldiers back here!"