Posted on 03/26/2003 5:43:45 PM PST by John Jorsett
Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld told reporters at the Pentagon today that the U.S. has succeeded in removing Connie Chung from the airwaves, a primary objective of Operation Iraqi Freedom.
“To those critics who would say that this campaign isn’t moving quickly enough, let me say this: it’s only been a week and we’ve already gotten Connie Chung’s show cancelled,” Rumsfeld said. “Goodness gracious, I’d say we’re on track.”
Secretary Rumsfeld reminded reporters that regime change at CNN was the ultimate goal of the military campaign in Iraq, and that the removal of Ms. Chung from the schedule “goes a long way” towards achieving that goal.
In an official statement, Ms. Chung’s agent said, “We thought Connie was embedded at CNN, but apparently she wasn’t embedded securely enough.”
While U.S. officials were reportedly “elated” over the removal of Connie Chung, France, Germany and Russia called for an emergency session of the U.N. Security Council to discuss what program would fill Ms. Chung’s timeslot in a post-Chung CNN.
The fear among those three countries is that the United States might act unilaterally to schedule a new program of their own choosing, possibly starring Deborah Norville.
“Deborah Norville is definitely the worst-case scenario,” said French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin.
In other war news, a U.S. missile over Baghdad reportedly strayed off-course today and hit the filmmaker Michael Moore in Santa Monica, California.
Mr. Moore, who was said to be heavily fortified, was unharmed in the accident.
The Oscar-winning director is currently taking a temporary hiatus from filmmaking and spends to spend the next twelve months wrecking festive occasions across the country with sudden unexpected outbursts.
For some time I've lobbied for a 24hr Laurie Dhue channel.
All Laurie. All the Time.
Well, Daryn Kagan can sub on holidays
Tonight we welcomew new show host TOM ATKINS! *GARY ALDRICH Former FBI agent, Author of Unlimited Access Gary will discuss his new book, and America's current political situation.
*PIERRE DE HAIL Former French Special Ops fighter, president of Risk Management International Pierre will offer exceptional insight in the Iraq war, and controversial opinions on France, Europe
Mr. Moore, who was said to be heavily fortified, was unharmed in the accident.
The Oscar-winning director is currently taking a temporary hiatus from filmmaking and spends to spend the next twelve months wrecking festive occasions across the country with sudden unexpected outbursts.
Andy Borowitz grand slam bttt
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