CLINTON'S MEMOIRS (first sentence a problem)

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[Liz]

Laugh break............(crumple, crumple)

[Liz]

Hillary hasn't produced anything to show her editor yet.

Actually she did produce a commercially-viable title that editors nixed, saying it was too un-PC:

"I Married A Moron"
subtitled
"Can Anything Bill Did Be Pinned On Me?"

Woulda sold lots of books.

[The Energizer]

This has "you" written all over it!

[Libloather]

"After the 1993 World Trade Center bombing, which killed six and injured 1,000, I promised that those responsible would be hunted down and punished..." (crumple, crumple)

"After the 1995 bombing in Saudi Arabia, which killed five U.S. military personnel, I promised that those responsible would be hunted down and punished..." (crumple, crumple)

"After the 1996 Khobar Towers bombing in Saudi Arabia, which killed 19 and injured 200 U.S. military personnel, I promised that those responsible would be hunted down and punished..." (crumple, crumple)

"After the 1998 bombing of U.S. embassies in Africa, which killed 224 and injured 5,000, I promised that those responsible would be hunted down and punished..." (crumple, crumple)

"After the 2000 bombing of the USS Cole, which killed 17 and injured 39 U.S. sailors, I promised that those responsible would be hunted down and punished..." (crumple, crumple)

"There once was an intern named Moanica..." (crumple, crumple)

[Liz]

(Sob) I confess...I'm a total idiot that became president.....(crumple, crumple)

[Devil_Anse]

Let's see...first line for Clinton Memoirs...

What's the first line of "The Picture of Dorian Gray"? First line of "The Deliberate Stranger"?

Oh, well, I don't know those first lines.

How about, "Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank..."

No, scratch that. "Monica was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank..."

(rip! tear!)

[Devil_Anse]

Got it!

"You don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of 'The Starr Report'; but that ain't no matter. That book was made by Mr. Ken Starr, and he told the truth, mostly. There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth. That is nothing. I never seen anybody but lied one time or another, without it was Aunt Polly, or the widow, or maybe Mary..."

[ladyinred]

ROTFL!!!! Does anyone really think Bubba will write one word of his memoirs himself?

[Devil_Anse]

I think we should write or dedicate country songs to him instead.

Here's one for the Clintster:

"I know where you're goin',
And who's gonna meet you there,
I know how long you'll be stayin' out,
But guess who doesn't care?"

Apologies to Loretta Lynn--or Tammy Wynette.

[ChadGore]

"Pardons used to be expensive, but I thought . . ." (crumple crumple)

[ChadGore]

"The love of my wife is . . . " (crumple crumple)

[TX Bluebonnet]

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."

Dang, you beat me to it.

[mombonn]

Without reading replies (always a mistake), my initial response is, "It was a dark and stormy night", ala Snoopy on his doghouse.

[HighWheeler]

He can title the book "The Wizard of Is"

or "Skanks who I Did But Barely Remember"

or "Put a Blanket Over the Astroturf"

or "I always Bring an Ice Bucket to My Rapes"

or "My Favorite Hollywood Useful Idiots"

or "How to Find and Marry a Stupid Woman"

[CommandoFrank]

"I am deeply saddened", crumple, crumple...

[Liz]

Hillary said to me one day, " Why don't you become president? " (crumple, crumple)

[Liz]

What's the first line of "The Picture of Dorian Gray"?

The studio was filled with the rich odour of roses, and when the light summer wind stirred
amidst the trees of the garden, there came through the open door the heavy scent of the lilac,
or the more delicate perfume of the pink-flowering thorn.

[Liz]

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

" Nah, nobody'll know I cribbed this from "Jabberwocky"........" (crumple, crumple)

[Blue Scourge]

15th DRAFT: It was a night to remember. Barbra Streisand was bouncing on the trampoline in the Lincoln Bedroom. Ted Kennedy was sprawled in the corner, drinking a 32-ounce Singapore Sling. I knew then we needed to bomb Iraq. (crumple, crumple)

OH JESUS!!!! I CAN'T BREATH....laughing too harddddd..............*passes out*

I was a proud American who served in the milit...(crumple,crumple)