Skip to comments.Boycott Canada, eh? Adieu to radio, garbage bags, and easy-to-carry cases of beer
Posted on 04/21/2003 7:59:23 AM PDT by doc30
Poor Margaret Atwood.
Here she is, not only Canada's best-known writer but the most visible of the many Canadian critics of the War on Iraq, and she has to choose this month to release a new novel.
She might not care to hear Oryx and Crake tagged a "product," but that's the word the entertainment industry uses -- and, as of this past weekend, we now know America wants as little as possible to do with Canadian products.
According to a new survey by Fleishman-Hillard Canada and Wirthlin Worldwide, 48 per cent of Americans now say they are "very likely" or "somewhat likely" to turn their backs on anything that comes from France, Germany and Canada in favour of an alternative from any of the U.S.-led coalition of some 40-odd nations.
This would include, we have to presume, Atwood's new novel as well as a boycott on any future edition of the Canadian-invented Trivial Pursuit that might ask players to name more than three members (United States, Britain, Australia) of that coalition.
Such an anti-Canadian backlash is difficult to grasp by this particular Canadian, having just spent a month travelling through the United States and encountered only one American with a bone to pick with Canada -- and that a woman so peeved with the Montreal hockey-game booing of the American anthem that she regretted naming her dog Jacques.
Yet, according to this most recent survey, the American resolve is hardening, with 15 per cent saying they've already moved to eliminate such French products as wine and cheese.
As well, 8 per cent say they've substituted for Canadian products -- but had a more difficult time naming any actual Canadian products. About 79 per cent knew that Canadian Club whisky might be Canadian -- raising intriguing questions about the remaining 21 per cent -- but after a specific brand of whisky and perhaps maple syrup, they were pretty much lost when it came to Canada.
It's hard to have a boycott when you don't know what you're supposed to turn your back on.
We therefore offer up, free of charge, a handy list for quick reference:
Lay down your cell phones. Canadians brag endlessly about Alexander Graham Bell inventing the telephone in Brantford, Ont., so Americans could not only take a little revenge but make movies more enjoyable and highways safer at the same time.
Switch off the playoffs. Both professional hockey and pro basketball are winding up their endless seasons. A Canadian, James Naismith, invented basketball. No one knows who invented hockey or even where the first game was played -- but it's pretty much a given it wasn't the Mighty Ducks in Anaheim, California.
Start sleeping in. The only reason West Coast day traders rise at dawn to dump their high-tech mistakes is because some Canadian, Sir Sanford Fleming, invented time zones way back before there were even digital clocks to tell us what time it is. No way a Canadian clock should rule American lives.
No more laughing. The only funny people still hanging around Hollywood these days are Canadians like Jim Carrey, Mike Myers and assorted Second City and Saturday Night Live graduates, so switch off the national laugh track and see how funny Canadians find that.
No more divas. Celine Dion, Shania Twain, Sarah McLachlan, Alanis Morissette, Diana Krall, Nelly Furtado, Avril Lavigne all have one more thing in common than high Billboard charts -- they're all Canadian. Tune them out and give Cher and Madonna a chance to come all the way back.
Turn off the radio. Talk radio may be the main comfort zone of the Bush administration, but how many Americans realize it was a Canadian, Reginald Fessenden of East Bolton, Que., who is the true father of the radio (Marconi came later) and another Canadian, Ted Rogers, who came up with the vacuum tube that put a radio in every kitchen? Rush Limbaugh would understand.
Stop travelling. There wouldn't be Caribbean cruises if a Canadian had never come up with the screw propeller. Going back to wind would be a severe blow to Canadian self-worth. A Canadian also came up with variable pitch for propellers, but what's the use of killing air travel when it's already dead anyway?
Quit drinking. That Canadian whisky label is only the beginning. Not only are the best beers sold in the United States from Canada, but it was a Canadian who invented the tuck-away beer case handle that made long weekends possible. Put an end to it.
Stop taking out the garbage. The Man from Glad might look American, but the truth of plastic garbage bag lies in a handy little device that Harry Wasylyk and Larry Hansen came up with a half century ago for the Winnipeg General Hospital.
Canada thinks the United States won't raise much of a stink?
Just let 'em wait a couple of weeks.
Lay down your cell phones. Canadians brag endlessly about Alexander Graham Bell inventing the telephone in Brantford, Ont.
Bell was Scottish and grew up in Brantford. He invented the phone in the U.S. But this author believes Americans must give up telephones if they want to boycott Canadian products. Someone should tell him that Canada isn't a major manufacturer of telephones in the world market.
Canada may have had a hand in some big accomplishments, but their exploitation (hence economic gain) were never significant in Canada. Like the Canadian celebrities, many migrated to the U.S. where the brass ring is solid and not plated.
anyone have a list of products for a Canadian boycott? I know most Chrysler minivans are produced in Canada.
Wanting to watch the list accumulate.
But his dog won't hunt ... in fact, it doesn't even sound like he has a dog.
Or Fosters or Bass, etc.
Don't forget how much the Belgian's were a PIA (this pains me since I love my Sweet Sixteen Browning shotgun).
I tried a Czech beer last month and it was good....don't remember the name, but it had a star on the label.
Canada would be a great friend and ally of the U.S. if it wasn't for the French socialists in Quebec. Get rid of the French in Quebec and the problems will go away.
It seems like everywhere the French ever established a colony has turned into a sh*thole. (Vietnam, Haiti, Algeria,....)
No, Fosters is Aussie and Bass is from the UK.
Okey doke - can do. Especially since I don't listen to them anyway. Anything else I can do to help??
As for the important part of the article, beer, the truth is that the large majority of Canadian beers have fallen into the same lamentable trap as their American competitors - going for bulk in production, sales, and profits by turning out weak, gassy, straw-colored crap that doesn't change a great deal between the time it's poured and the time it's flushed. There are exceptions, but LaBatt's, Molson's, and Moosehead aren't among them. Uncle Jack's was pretty good but I haven't seen any in years.
Czech beer for me. Some of the Japanese lagers are excellent (German enclaves in Kamakura and Sapporo got them going between the wars). I don't care if ze Chermans haff elected a government full of soiled-diaper babies, their beer is excellent. But if you want the best, brew your own.
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