[Saundra Duffy]

Jabbar and his Mom are members of our Church. Jabbar was a sweet, gentle, good boy. He was never in trouble. And Jabbar's Mother is a sweet, caring, loving soul.

We visited with Mary last night. She is absolutely devastated. She says the worst thing is that the police officer would not let her accompany Jabbar to the hospital. Jabbar was still alive when the paramedics left with him in the ambulance. Mary says the police officer told her she had to stay behind to be questioned - like SHE was a suspect. I told Mary she should talk to a lawyer about this but she says since they are poor and African American no one will care.

Meanwhile, the neighbors are doing car washes today (Sunday) to raise money for the funeral. Our Bishop came to see Mary and our Church is going to help, of course. Mary is loved by all and Jabbar was just like his Mom.

We are all worried about Mary. I told her to call the doctor to get some medication to help her cope. (She just weeps and weeps and can't eat or sleep.) But she says it's too hard to reach a doctor.

Please pray for Mary. Thanks.

[Saundra Duffy]

Fresno prayer bump - with tears.

[Miss Marple]

What a heartbreaking story! I will keep Mary in my prayers.

[Saundra Duffy]

LDS bump

[I still care]

I went through the sudden death of my husband this year, he was only 50. It is very difficult, but my church is there for me 100% and that is SO important. I do have a few suggestions, I hope you don't mind.

The most important thing the church can do for her is surround her with love and prayer. And realize that as time goes on it gets harder for quite a while - at first you are in shock, and everyone pitches in. Also you seem to think that maybe they will come back, even though logically you know that is not possible. But your mind pretends they are on "vacation".

After awhile, when it really starts to sink in they are not coming back, it begins to really hurt, and that is when it is so important for people to be there. Sympathy cards really DO help, I was surprised to find, even though they made me cry. And while talking about the deceased makes you cry, you love it when people talk about how they loved them. I grasped for every mention of my husband in conversation, so don't be afraid to bring her son up once in a while even after time has passed.

It sounds like Mary is terribly depressed. Who wouldn't be? But a proper medication can really help, especially short term. She can't concentrate or think of getting one right now - it's too hard. If I were a good friend, I would take a very active role in helping her to call her doctor or taking her to one, because that's probably too much effort for her right now to handle herself.

I hope this helps. I will pray for Mary at church this am.

[Bahbah]

I can't even imagine the pain of losing a child. Praying for Mary and Herman.

[cardinal4]

Prayer bump.

[68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub]

Offering my prayers.

[firewalk]

prayer bump

[deadhead]

Prayers for Mary

[cyborg]

Sometimes, however, he would get depressed, she said.

"He would tell me he was tired of this place and that he wanted to move and get a job," she said.

"Sometimes he would say he thought he would die soon," she said.

**Not to be indelicate, but has suicide entered into the investigation? How sad on Mother's Day though.

[SnarlinCubBear]

They have my prayers, Saundra. This is so sad.

[hoosiermama]

.

[Brad’s Gramma]

Oh Saundra...yes I'll pray for Mary. How tragic.

[Focault's Pendulum]

Do you have an e mail address or mail address where I might send a sympathy card?

[mafree]

Please give the family of this young man my condolences. May he rest in peace.

[lainie]

Saundra, I'm so sorry. This is just awful news. Love to his and your families.

[Bigg Red]

I will pray for this family. This is heartbreaking.

However, I am very distrubed when I see something like:
she says since they are poor and African American no one will care.

That is rampant victimology.

[Myrddin]

When an 18-year old African American male who dies of a gunshot wound, my first thought is gang activity. His church affiliation may have actually attracted the attack by clashing with local gang values. Somehow, I think the characterization of Jabber as a sweet, gently, good boy is not the complete story. He was a target for some reason.

At this point, comforting his mother and helping the family with burial costs is the most immediate and appropriate course of action. I would be inclined to see if the local police department has a gang detail and see if anyone is bragging about the killing.

[RJL]

Prayer sent for Jabbar and his family.

[mhking]

Prayerful bump....