[I still care]

I went through the sudden death of my husband this year, he was only 50. It is very difficult, but my church is there for me 100% and that is SO important. I do have a few suggestions, I hope you don't mind.

The most important thing the church can do for her is surround her with love and prayer. And realize that as time goes on it gets harder for quite a while - at first you are in shock, and everyone pitches in. Also you seem to think that maybe they will come back, even though logically you know that is not possible. But your mind pretends they are on "vacation".

After awhile, when it really starts to sink in they are not coming back, it begins to really hurt, and that is when it is so important for people to be there. Sympathy cards really DO help, I was surprised to find, even though they made me cry. And while talking about the deceased makes you cry, you love it when people talk about how they loved them. I grasped for every mention of my husband in conversation, so don't be afraid to bring her son up once in a while even after time has passed.

It sounds like Mary is terribly depressed. Who wouldn't be? But a proper medication can really help, especially short term. She can't concentrate or think of getting one right now - it's too hard. If I were a good friend, I would take a very active role in helping her to call her doctor or taking her to one, because that's probably too much effort for her right now to handle herself.

I hope this helps. I will pray for Mary at church this am.

[Saundra Duffy]

Excellent advice from one who knows. I will take it to heart, Sis. Thanks.

[Ditter]

Your description of the sudden death of a loved one is right on the mark. My son was killed in a car accident when he was 18, so I have been thru it too. The tears she is crying are healing, if she can cry, thats good. She will need loving friends or a year or 2. Call her or see her everyday, if you can, if only for a minute or 2. Maybe she will want to talk about her son, maybe not, be flexiable. Not knowing this woman, I am not sure I would recommend drugs. My best to your friend & her family.

[Ditter]

My reply was to both of you.