IT'S RAINING GOLF BALLS ON O.J.

Star Magazine ^ | May 15, 2003 | Star Magazine

[Mister Magoo]

IT'S RAINING GOLF BALLS ON O.J.

O.J.

Fallen football icon O.J. Simpson loves golf, but not at 4 a.m.

It's come to my attention that the hot topic of discussion in the west Miami suburb that Simpson has called home for the past three years is that a smart aleck in a helicopter has been dropping golf balls by the bucketful onto his roof in the middle of the night!

Those who don't like the accused double murderer will be happy to know that golf balls dropped on a rooftop from several hundred feet high sound like machine-gun fire -- not pleasant at 4 a.m.

Suspects in the golf-ball caper abound, but one of Simpson's neighbors -- a retired cop who has found mysterious balls on his roof less than 500 feet away from Simpson's -- says some of his ex-colleagues at the Miami-Dade Police Department are the most likely perpetrators.

"Sounds like some guys on the force are playing a little joke on Mr. Simpson," the neighbor says. "The cops keep getting called to his house for one thing or the other, and they just don't like him.

"And having worked with some of the helicopter guys, I can tell you that golf balls on the roof is a well-known trick. It wakes up the heaviest sleeper."

In January, Simpson's 17-year-old daughter Sydney dialed 911 and had police come to their house after she and her dad got into a heated argument. Since 2000, local cops also investigated a road-rage incident involving Simpson, alleged drug trafficking out of his house, and domestic arguments with girlfriend Christie Prody.

Said Simpson when reached at home: "I'm having dinner. I don't want to talk to no Star magazine."

His lawyer, meanwhile, said cops have treated The Juice with the utmost respect. "Police officers here have watched out for O.J.," says Yale Galanter. "I'm not saying there isn't one rogue cop playing tricks on him. But most have been professional."

The cops, meanwhile, swear to God they didn't do it. "It doesn't sound like something we'd do," says Miami-Dade PD Spokesman Juan Del Castillo. "We treat everyone with courtesy, even Mr. Simpson."

Of course, the golf ball irony hasn't escaped his neighbors. Simpson promised to look for his wife's murderer when he was acquitted of killing her and a companion in 1994, but since then has spent more time playing golf than sleuthing.

And now, after living next to Simpson for nearly three years, the neighbor finally has a reason to knock on his door. "I'm thinking of going over one day to ask him if he's got any extra golf balls," he says.

Published on: May 15, 2003

[The G Man]

:>)

[OXENinFLA]

The cops, meanwhile, swear to God they didn't do it. "It doesn't sound like something we'd do," says Miami-Dade PD Spokesman Juan Del Castillo. "We treat everyone with courtesy, even Mr. Simpson."

I would have liked to have see this man say this w/ a straight face.

[Sunshine Sister]

What a hoot! Couldn't happen to a nicer guy!

[AmericanInTokyo]

I've always kind of thought (or at least hoped), that on The Judgement Day, before the Shining Throne, those who performed any kind of heinous crime but never served nor were punished under Man's Law during their previous life, will still maintain they are "Innocent!", but the 'Powers that Be' will usher in the soul or souls of those who were in fact killed by those scott-free murderers, and then they will accuse the murderer and torment them until they confess.

At least, one hopes for some justice in heaven in the many, many cases throughout human hisotry where Man's Justice on Earth failed miserably.

[gridlock]

It's gotta be the cops. If a private citizen tried to pull a stunt like this, he'd have his license pulled and be sitting in jail before he knew what happened.

[b4its2late]

He probably sleeps right through it.

Anyone that can sleep at all after murdering two people in cold blood, and one of those people being the mother of his kids, can probably sleep through anything.

[dfwgator]

What's he doing sleeping at 4 AM anyway? He should be out looking for the real killers.

[AmericanInTokyo]

He may well not sleep well after all. We don't know. The bloody stabbing crimes could be coming back even more to him even as the years go on. I can't imagine that it has not crossed his mind and caused some irritation at least in a minor way.

[dead]

Kinda funny, I guess. Unless you happen to live next door and don't like your windshield smashed.

I also wouldn't be chuckling if his 17-year-old daughter happened to catch one on the brain.

[RichInOC]

And now, after living next to Simpson for nearly three years, the neighbor finally has a reason to knock on his door. "I'm thinking of going over one day to ask him if he's got any extra golf balls," he says.

"Mr. Simpson, hi, how are you...I live next door. I'd like to borrow a knife."

[martin_fierro]

Christie Prody

Look familiar?

[Grampa7030]

So what happens when someone gets killed by this stunt? I am sure there is a physicist on here how can compute the terminal velocity and determine whether it is potentially fatal. In college a bowling ball was dropped from the roof of an eleven story building and lodged right into the concrete below.

[discostu]

Some really high tension jogging trampolines on his roof could make this really interesting.

[Protagoras]

Her head is still attached, other than that, looks pretty much the same.

[sandydipper]

Golf balls? - They should routinely spray his roof top with 9mm automatics. And if the worthless sh*t dared to run outside - cap him with a .303. Justice would be served.

[martin_fierro]

Not for the squeamish.

[Cicero]

"We treat everyone with courtesy, even Mr. Simpson."

Good one.

[archy]

So what happens when someone gets killed by this stunt?

Aw, it could just be that Ojay the Knife is having his golf balls delivered via air express and forgot about it. And if he's been practicing using his gift from above, he certainly has little to complain about. Therefore: If the balls get hit, you must acquit....

Besides, the cops can always investigate some other likely perpetrators, like the firemen, at least as equally likely to pull such a stunt, and really better suspects. Besides, cops could be expected to have gone for his cars windshields, and used large ball bearings.

[2 Kool 2 Be 4-Gotten]

The resemblance is uncanny.