Yet another day on the illegal alien trails

17 May 2003 | Luis Martinez/JackelopeBreeder

[JackelopeBreeder]

This was a very strange morning. Instead of the usual checking of trails, I went out with a local Adopt-a-Canyon group to help pick up trash in Hunter Canyon. There are six major canyons south of Sierra Vista, all have been trashed by the high volume of illegal immigrant and drug smuggler traffic.

This is going to sound kind of strange at first, but bear with me, while I fill in the background. In 1973 I was a freshman at University of Arizona. My favorite subject that year was anthropology. Professor Zegura taught physical anthro; Professor Rathje taught cultural anthro. I preferred physical anthro, but was amused by Professor Rathje’s newly started “Garbage Project”. His premise was that you could learn much about a modern culture just by subjecting its garbage to serious perusal and comparing it to the trash from other cultures. Thirty years later the “Garbage Project” is still alive and well – and useful.

It was a very educational morning. We came up with about three truck loads of trash and there is still plenty more out there. Aside from one Heineken bottle and three Bud Light cans, the rest was Mexican label. Most was the typical water bottles, jugs, tuna cans, etc. and the usual third world black plastic bag luggage.

(Also one set of fresh mountain lion tracks; last night may have been interesting for some folks.)

However, we also came up with a couple of dozen nearly new backpacks, a lot of very good quality clothing – most of it clean and some of it brand new – and quite a collection of toiletries and cosmetics. The food trash was also much higher class than what I have found in the past closer to the border. These were not groups of poor campesinos escaping from the bean farm.

Something new has popped up in the last week or so, first in Stump Canyon, now in Hunter Canyon. Airline tickets – lots of airline tickets. These people are flying from Mexico City, Guadalajara, Monterrey or wherever into Hermosillo, which is only 175 miles south of here, then taking the short three-hour bus or taxi ride to their jump off point.

It seems we have two classes of travel. Most of Coach Class comes in between Douglas and the San Pedro River, while most of Business Class takes the scenic route through the canyons.

There is another lesson here. The reason we find this much trash in the canyons is that this is where these people catch their ride – within five miles of the border. There used to be several Border Patrol checkpoints about 35 miles north and the chances of getting caught were much higher. Our local congresscritter, Jim Kolbe, pressured the Border Patrol into closing them all. Travel is now muy convenient.

And now for the lighter side of the news. Allow me to introduce myself under my new name. I am now Luis Martinez, and I have an authentic Mexican birth certificate to prove it. (A twelve year old kid could mass-produce these things on a computer with no problem whatsoever.) A little hair dye and I’m right in character. Any bets on how long it will take me to obtain a matricula consular?

[JackelopeBreeder]

I also considered a broadcast message listing the names on the airline tickets, maybe tip off the friends and families that they were enroute and it was about time to fire up the barbecue grill and ice down the beer.

[JackelopeBreeder]

Ping!

[MadMoo]

Bump!

[TheMole]

I've read some of Bill Rathje's stuff, and it is indeed useful. He probably couldn't get tenure today.

[RS]

"I also considered a broadcast message listing the names on the airline tickets, maybe tip off the friends and families that they were enroute and it was about time to fire up the barbecue grill and ice down the beer."

I think it would be a great public service to post these - They may want to come and claim their lost backpack.

[JackelopeBreeder]

I wonder if Luis wants his birth certificate back?

[4Freedom]

"I wonder if Luis wants his birth certificate back?"

Nah, Luis probably sold that copy to a guy named Akmed from Irag with instructions to throw it away as soon as he crossed the border.

[Travis McGee]

Bienvenidos a America del Norte, Luis!

[Billy_bob_bob]

How long before everybody in the country figures out the "new deal" of our times, learns Spanish, dyes their hair, and gets a fake Mexican birth certificate? Jackpot! You can drive without a license, and if you plow into a family the cops just say "get out of here, you scamp!" If you need medical care, just go to the local hospital and say "Me illegal. No habla ingles. Me muy sick!" and you get free medical care. Then you can go and apply for free food stamps and social security benefits. What a deal!

Buenos Noches, amigos!

[JackelopeBreeder]

But, senor, this is a genuine authentic birth certificate.

[sarcasm]

When are you getting your own Matricula Consular?

[JackelopeBreeder]

Gotta dye my hair first, work on my tan, and get some brown contact lenses. Or maybe not. Supposedly Vicente Fox is also half Irish so their is existing precedent.

[sarcasm]

You have quite a selection of Mexican Consulates in Arizona:

Arizona

Douglas
1201 F Avenue, Douglas, AZ 85607
Tel: (520) 364-3142 * Fax: (520) 364-1379

Nogales
571 N. Grand Ave., Nogales, AZ 85621
Tel: (520) 287-2521 * Fax: (520) 287-3175

Phoenix
1990 W. Camelback, Suite 110, Phoenix, AX 85015
Tel: (602) 242-7398 * Fax: 242-2957

Tucson
553 S. Stone Ave., Tuscon, AZ 85701
Tel: (520) 882-5595 * Fax: (520) 882-8959
E-mail: contucmx@mindspring.com

[TLI]

Any bets on how long it will take me to obtain a matricula consular?

How long is the line to the Desk....  + 2 minutes.

[JackelopeBreeder]

Douglas is closest and least busy, but for full ironic effect I was thinking of tracking down one of the "honorary consuls" and let them take care of my needs.

[joesnuffy]

There used to be several Border Patrol checkpoints about 35 miles north and the chances of getting caught were much higher. Our local congresscritter, Jim Kolbe, pressured the Border Patrol into closing them all. Travel is now muy convenient.

Now why in the world would Jim Kolbe pressure the BP into closing their checkpoints?

[Marine Inspector]

(A twelve year old kid could mass-produce these things on a computer with no problem whatsoever.)

I deal with those things daily. The matricula consular is just as fake looking.

[Marine Inspector]

Now why in the world would Jim Kolbe pressure the BP into closing their checkpoints?

Votes.

[JackelopeBreeder]

I wish you hadn't said that. Here I am, trying to be an honest, hard-working, brand-new Mexican and you start tossing temptations my way. Or is this entrapment?

I could quit my day job and print birth certificates and matriculas all day while surfing Free Republic. Naked if I wanted to; the dogs don't care. That's even better than the scheme to set up a taco and cerveza wagon out on the border at night.

[Ursus arctos horribilis]

For sometime I have considered maybe returning the favor and doing a illegal cross border excursion into Mexico. But frankly I don't have the courage, for I don't expect the gentle treatment of a hot meal and paid bus ride back to the US.

I have often wondered, what would be the reaction for all concerned if a few hundred, or few thousand Gringos showed up with the media's cameras rolling. Simply attempted to illegally cross the border to provoke the federales there in old Mexico.

I bet the full weight of the border patrol and the law would be brought to bear against us as American citizens. No free pass for us, like Mexicans and other illegals coming north with impunity, aided and abetted by the libs, dems, ACLU, and left wing churches. Nada help from them, hell they will be the ones bringing law suits against us.

Why not a little payback, I want the right for us to buy and own real estate. If I can pay for it, I want title free and clear to some Baja beach front property. I want to start a business in Mexico without all the restrictions being placed on me and being treated like a damn Gringo foreigner. I want any and all of the available social services same as any other Mexican(if any?) as it is our right.

Any takers for a en masse Gringo run for the border? Are we as brave as the north bound ones? Let's shed a little sunshine on some equal treatment by the Mexican government and their cohorts here in the US.

You know, What the hell is in this for us as they all pour north? I demand equal treatment by the Mexican government in all the things the illegals demand here in the US as their right. What is good for the goose, is good for the gander.

By GOD as a Gringo, I demand dual citizenship and all my civil rights in Mexico as I have here under the US constitution.