LADIES - Learn The RULES!!!!!!

Unknown | Unknown | Random E-Mail

[ladyinred]

Really funny list, but I love football, so see, as you all have been told tonight, can't generalize about women!

[JoeSixPack1]

Please refer to posts #55 & #113, the expanded FEMALE, explanation is there.

<|:)~~

(I'm really not sure I'll survive with my account in one piece after this thread. The longer the thread, the more thin ice I'm on!!!)

[friendly]

25 Things Your Wife Is Unlikely To Say

1. You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.

2. I know I'm sore, and my parents are sleeping in the other room, I still want you right now!

3. This porno scene is boring, fast forward to the gang bang.

4. Don't get up, I kinda like sleeping in the wet spot

5. Don't dirty up your T-shirt wiping that up, use my blouse

6. That was fun, when will all of your friends be over to watch pornos again?

7. I bet it would be kinky to watch you with our baby sitter, Tracy.

8. You're my daddy, you're my daddy!

9. The new girl in my office used to be a stripper, so Iinvited her over for dinner on Friday.

10. Honey, did you leave that skid in the toilet bowl? Good one!

11. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.

12. Bar food again!? Kick ass!

13. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your Ex-girlfriend really has class.

14. That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am, Cool, I'm gonna go over

15. I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends, tell me more.

16. I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one, what a wonderful Valentines Day present, thanks "Poopy".

17. Let's just leave the toilet seat "up" at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore.

18. I've decided to buy myself a boob job, How big do you want 'em?

19. It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.

20. Honey come here! Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie's bare ass!

21. My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends.

22. I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.

23. Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars, scotch and morning breath. You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya' big silly!

24. You are so much smarter than my father.

25. If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch Sports Center.

[E.G.C.]

BTTT!!!!!!

[ConservativeMan55]

Smuckers is a sponsor of The Today Show. The show just blatantly tilts LEFT. Madonna and Matt Laer came on it and sang her anti-american song together! And if thats not enough Al Roker is out on the talk show circuit promoting Affirmative Action and Hate Crime Legislation!

[Valin]

I have not reached this stage of life by doing REALLY stupid things like generalizing about women.
NO NO NO, I may be dumb..but I'm not stupid.

[ewing]

Great Man Show pics, where did you get them?

[geege]

So true....who can put up with that....bang...zoom:0)

[gortklattu]

My woman has long hair and is 52 years old. She's a stunner....and I'm still in shock over our relationship, which is in its 8th month.

plus, she's an intelligent conservative and religious.

Long hair does look good on older women !

[Jhoffa_]

May I respectfully submit:

"GI Jane was a movie. And before you start up again about how you believe women belong in combat, chasing down criminals and carrying people out of burning buildings, remember... you can't even open the pickle jar."

Also:

"No. I did not make myself bigger & stronger to "lord" it over you, God did that. So you should either get over it, or take it up with him.. As it's his fault."

And:

"Remember: Breast reduction surgery for purely cosmetic purposes and quoting ANYTHING from Gloria Steinum is grounds for divorce.. "

In addition:

"Look, the race is on. If you don't like what Paul wrote about a woman's place in marriage, then why don't you either dig him up and complain to him about it or wait for a caution flag? Geezel.. "

[Conspiracy Guy]

lulabelle and I never get mad. She accepts that I am a doofus. A charming doofus but a doofus just the same.

[Mr Rogers]

But what if we basically look like and act like and dress like a Victoria's Secret girl and he STILL won't act like a soap opera guy?

Lose weight. One of us needs to be fit & trim...

[cake_crumb]

FOFLOL...thanks for the ping. Missed this last night, but it's a GREAT way to start the day! (Hubby loved it too!)

[Lady Eileen]

I completely agree about the hair thing. So many women who have nice beautiful long hair get it cut!!! Why do they do that????????????

I don't know all the reasons why many women cut their long beautiful hair...but I have chosen to keep my long hair for two reasons:

I)My husband loves my long hair.

2)The Bible states: Does not even nature itself teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a dishonor to him? But if a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her...1 Cor 11:15

[martin_fierro]

Upgrading to Wife 1.0

Last year a friend of mine upgraded from Girlfriend 4.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving few system resources for other applications. He notices that Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child-processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomenon was included in the product documentation, though other users have informed me that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself so that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. Some applications such as PokerNite 10.3 , Bachelor Party 2.5, and Pubnite 7.0 are no longer able to run on the system at all, causing the system to lockup when launched (even though the apps worked fine before).

Wife 1.0 provides no installation options. Thus, the installation of undesired plug-ins such as Mother-in-law 55.8 and the Brother-in-law Beta is unavoidable. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

Some features my friend would like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0:

• A "don't remind me again" button.
• Minimize button.
• Ability to delete the "headache" file
• An install feature that provides an option to uninstall 2.0 version without loss loss of other system resources.
• An option to run the network driver in "promiscuous mode" allowing the the system's Hardware Probe feature to be much more useful/effective.

I wish I had avoided all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 3.0 Even here, however, I have found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 4.0 on top of girlfriend 3.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 3.0 first, otherwise the two versions of Girlfriend will have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. Other users have told me that this is a long-standing problem that I should have been aware of. Guess that explains what happened to versions 1 and 2.

To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 3.0 doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another identified problem is that all versions of Girlfriend have annoying little messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0!

VIRUS ALERT

All users should be aware that Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Once that happens, Mistress 1.1 won't install and you will get an "insufficient resources" error message. To avoid the aforementioned bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and " never" run any file transfer applications(such as Laplink) between the two systems.

FYI: Don't even think about a shared directory!!!

[wimpycat]

I never heard the "rule" about which way it should go....LOL.

The "rule" is, whoever is the most persistent about it gets their way. The paper goes "over".

LOL, that reminds me of my sister-in-law. She was at her mother-in-law's for a visit and her M-I-L was an "under" person. My sister-in-law is an "over" person. This is what happens when two "alpha" females are staying in the same house. Whenever my s-i-l used the toilet she would switch the toilet paper roll from "under" to "over". Then whenever she went back to the toilet, the roll was mysteriously "under" again.

[BSunday]

Now, how selfish is that?

I agree, it was selfish - of you, that is. Why couldn't you just donate the money instead? Did you have to make yourself feel like a good and charitable person at the expense of your husband ?

[Capriole]

Lose weight. One of us needs to be fit & trim...

Excuse me. You didn't read my post. I clearly said "look like" a Victoria's Secret girl. I am 5'10", 135 pounds, and a former fashion model. I break horses, chop my own firewood, and ski black. Kindly don't tell me I'm not fit and trim.