[JoeSixPack1]

All Freeperettes are required to print this out and memorize!!!! :-)

[arasina]

I'm sure glad MY man isn't like this! My ex, however, WAS.

[tutstar]

Ping

[finnman69]

Words to live by....

also..men are allowed to watch The Man Show and South Park

[SouthernFreebird]

Aw.... another man who likes to think he's in control.LOL

[ConservativeMan55]

EXCELLENT LIST! I completely agree about the hair thing. So many women who have nice beautiful long hair get it cut!!!
Why do they do that????????????

[OREALLY]

Do you like the song ( I'm the man ) ?

[Delta 21]

I like #1 the best!!

[Lorianne]

You have too many shoes. This is impossible. A logical fallacy. A woman cannot have too many shoes. That'sis like saying a beach has too many grains of sand or the universe has too many stars!

[farmfriend]

Added humor from the only masculinist on this forum.

Secrets of Women's Language

The Secrets of Women's Language - A must-read for any man

Keywords and their meanings:

"Fine": This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

"Five minutes": This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

"Nothing": This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

"Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

"Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

"Oh": This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that we can't bring ourselves to write about them.

"That's Okay": This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

"Please Do": This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

"Thanks": A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you're welcome.

"Thanks a lot": This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".

I hope this clears up any misunderstandings...

[martin_fierro]

Hubba hubba.

[farmfriend]

Pinging the short list+ just for humors sake. There is no getting off this list.

[Paul Atreides]

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

LOL! I've always wondered why women can squeeze out a baby and are supposed to be allowed to fight on the front lines, but cannot lower a toilet seat.

[BigBobber]

It's all so simple. Why do we have to write it down?

[JonathansMommie]

Here's something you'll get a laugh out of.

[Arpege92]

"Learn how to work the toilet seat"....hey guys, we already know but what you don't realize is that a bathroom trip during the middle of the night is done in the dark (for your comfort)!! I challenge any man to take a bathroom trip during the middle of the night with no lights and sit on the seat...I guarantee you that you too would complain.

"We don't remember dates".....You guys wan't us to remember that the seat is possibly in the up right position during the middle of the night but you can't remember our birthday? Sorry fella's....it has to work both ways or it won't work at all.

"Men usually look at pretty girls"....fine with me! Just don't start getting suspicious when we go out with our female friends and complain that we are trying to look too good for an outing with just girls.

"So, you want to scratch yourself huh"....OK, but don't be surprised that we turn you down for a roll in the hay after witnessing one of your scratching sessions.

"You don't like it when we ask you if we are fat"....We don't like it when we have to fake it and then tell you how wonderful it was! Your male ego's are fragile....so deal with it!!

"Change our own oil".....Right, as soon as the kids have been fed.....as soon as the kids are asleep.....as soon as the dishes are done.....as soon as the laundry is done.....as soon as we empty the garbage....as soon as we are done faking it....so on and so on.

"You guys don't like to go shopping"....Hey, this woman NEVER likes to shop with the hubby. I'd rather shop alone and leave you home to watch the game.

[ALS]

don't forget the remote..

[OldCorps]

bump to show to my wife

[lowbridge]

[Maven]

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

Small nit to pick here. Men need the seat down sometimes, and up sometimes. Women need it down all the time. Therefore, the majority of the time, the seat needs to be down! Down is the default selection!

Also, for some unknown reason, my father always put the seat down, and I just grew up thinking ALL men did that. When I got married, it was, uh, a shock. But I was willing to work with it. We had two bathrooms, and all I ever asked was that he not put the seat up in the guest bathroom. Never paid attention to me (on this or other subjects).

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair and by then you're stuck with her.

I wish I could grow those long, lovely locks, but, alas, I have baby fine hair that gets very scraggly once past my shoulders.

I will say, however, that I've worn it shoulder-length most of my adult life, although I cut it very short just before my ex and I split up (ya think it was a signal to him? LOL!). Right now, it's short because it just happens to be a very flattering cut (and I'm not married to anyone right now!).

On the flip side of this - if you're a man, you can wear your hair long or short, be bald or not, have a beard, moustache or be clean shaven, and it's all okay with me. Just as long as the hair is clean and neat. Is this enough of a compromise?

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

As I recall from my marriage, I lost interest in sex because my ex wasn't terribly talented in that area, and he refused to learn. Once he was out of the picture, my interest came back. So, if she's got a 17-month headache, maybe the headache is you....

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

My philosophy has always been that when it comes to ogling women, you may always use three of your five senses. But no touching or tasting, okay?

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

Yeah, but he was trying to get to India and didn't even come close, did he?

Other than that - it's not a bad list at all. ::grin::

Maven

[Ernest_at_the_Beach]

A very good list!