The Evil of Dating (Dating vs.Courtship)

Lewrockwell.com ^ | September 7, 2002 | Heather M. Carson

[Paul C. Jesup]

What I posted must have went over your head.

[connectthedots]

You and your daughter would be much better off having read Boundaries in Dating by Cloud and Townsend. The introduction of this book addresses some major problems with Harris' I Kissed Dating Goodbye. It is not that Cloud and Townsend don't appreciate Harris' intent or motives; it's that Harris' reasoning is shallow. Some people shouldn't be dating, but that does not apply to the vast majority of people.

You also might want to consider the very real possibility that your daughter might be much better off not having a steady boyfriend at her age; and the amount of time you spend with them, combined with what appears to be a significant amount of time with his parents might eventually create pressure to maintain a relationship that one or both may think they can't get out of because it might disappoint one or both sets of parents.

Rather than taking the pressure of dating off of them, you may unintentionally be encouraging an unhealthy attitude about maturing as a person. Dating responsibly can help your daughter grow up to be a emotionally healthy adult. The fact that the end of a dating relationship may be emotionally difficult for a time, it is reality and learning to deal with disappointment in all areas of life is a reality.

[Theo]

Hey! That's where we got married! :-) 2nd oldest Methodist church in the country, I believe.... Beautiful, extremely gracious staff....

[IowaHawk]

With all this new-fangled "dating" going on, our children hardly have time to sharpen their scythe blades! This business will lead to sex, and before you know it, even dancing.

True love and happiness comes on your wedding day. When you pull back the bridal veil and see, for the very first time, your 11-year old cousin.

[Aliska]

If aperson isn't dating smart,

How does one date smart?

Unless you are an agressive female who goes after what she wants (which traditionally isn't ladylike - you're "chasing" them), you wait to be asked. You don't like to hurt people and reject them. The one you are attracted to doesn't ask you. Someone you are not attracted to asks you. You go out with them to see if maybe you might like them anyway and you don't want to reject them without a chance, plus otherwise you will have to find something else to do which isn't what you really want to do. You don't like being with them which you figured you wouldn't going in. You have to reject them and/or they have to reject you. Then you feel guilty.

Then the cycle starts all over again unless you get lucky.

If you are a little on the plain-but-not-ugly-and-fat-but-a-real-nice-person side, sometimes you rarely or never get asked out on dates anyway.

[wimpycat]

I think the whole concept of dating and courtship has gone over your head.

[NeoCaveman]

....I really think so

Just great, now that darn song is in my head.

[Zavien Doombringer]

I know, I live in the same city..., check my profile.
I teach at TCC, portsmouth campus

[hobbes1]

The song in your head is ok...


Just make sure your hands stay empty

[Theo]

I had the word "permission" in quotes because I'm kind of using it differently from standard usage. I was kind of pointing back to the words of the pastor, that make more sense when interpreted the way we did.

When he said, "You may kiss your bride," I was drawing attention to the word "may." If we've been kissing for months, "may" doesn't really mean anything. But if it's our first kiss, "may" is a blessing, a "permission" in a sense from the Lord to finally kiss.

Just a very simple and innocent interpretation of that phrase. :-)

[Mudbug]

I Kissed Dating Goodbye written by Joshua Harris. This is a great book for young adults interested in learning how to pull back from dating.

We also gave this book to our daughter a few years ago and I agree it's a very good book for teenagers. My daughter and her friends tend to do things as a group, and very few of the girls have paired off with boyfriends.

[Theo]

Good points. Since I'm 36 (my wife is only 24 -- woo hoo!), her father didn't really think the "permission" thing was appropriate. He did give me his "permission" to pursue her, and if I won her heart, he would give his blessing to our relationship.

The point is the same, though, as what you're saying. We didn't make decisions about our potential life together without including her parents "in the loop." I'm kind of old-fashioned, I guess, and think that children are under parental covering/responsibility/authority, until that covering is transferred as marriage commences. Hm. Probably didn't phrase that quite right.... :-)

[Chancellor Palpatine]

You mean you would never have been excited about a date to go and watch the Transformers, followed by a misogynist rant at an ice cream stand?

[Chancellor Palpatine]

You really needed to flag Paul Jesup to that one, LOL.

[wimpycat]

Maybe if I was a 10 year old boy. Girls are icky, you know. They have cooties.

[hobbes1]

That never fails to kill me!

[Paul C. Jesup]

I think the whole concept of dating and courtship has gone over your head.

I understand the difference. The former is built on just how good the sex is, while the latter is based on long lasting deeply intimate friendship.

[Theo]

Thanks, my friend. :-)

[ohioWfan]

OK.....a tiny touch because it's written by a female who's heard only the girls' perspectives.

But you sure had to be looking REALLY hard for it to have that be your conclusion about the article.........and you must realize that, in spite of the increased aggressiveness in girls, that there are still guys out there who are trying to take advantage of them, succeed, and move on to other conquests.

The essence of the article is about morality.