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Farmers to be taxed on livestock flatulence (New Zealand's Global Warming Wackos Alert)
N.Z.P.A. ^ | 20 June 2003

Posted on 06/22/2003 2:13:48 PM PDT by DannyTN

Farmers will be taxed on the flatulence of their livestock in an attempt to slow New Zealand's contribution to global warming.

The levy could cost a typical family farmer up to $300 a year. Larger corporate farmers could pay up to $10,000.

Sheep will be levied at nine cents each and cows at up to 72 cents under the Government's proposals.

The money will be used for research on emission reductions needed to meet New Zealand's commitment to lower greenhouse gas emissions under the Kyoto protocol.

The new Agriculture Emissions Research body will be funded by sheep, cattle, deer and goat farmers to the tune of $8.4 million a year, which has infuriated farming organisations.

"That's overkill." Meat New Zealand chairman Jeff Grant said. "This is a public good rather than an industry good. It should be funded by the Government not farmers."

Livestock accounts for about half of New Zealand's total greenhouse gas emissions.

The emissions are caused by the complex process of digesting grass and are belched into the air.

The levy was bad news at the worst possible time for farmers suffering from a high dollar, low commodity prices and drought conditions, Grant said.

The sector was already funding its own research through the Pastoral Greenhouse Gas Research Consortium (PGGRC), he said.

Less than one year old, the PGGRC is an industry body comprised of representatives from Fonterra, AgResearch, Wrightson, DeerResearch and Meat New Zealand.

Together the participants are investing $800,000 per year on emission research. The Government has supported that group by matching its investment - taking its total funding to $1.6 million.

PGGRC chairman Mark Leslie said the levy was "a real kick in the teeth for the consortium."

The latest Government recommendations simply mirrored those that the PGGRC already had in place, he said.

"The Government is basically telling the industry consortium that 'it is too little to late' after giving us less than a year to prove ourselves," he said.

Throwing money at the issue wasn't necessarily going to speed things up, he said.

Time was needed to train skilled researchers and to understand how the digestion process worked. "This is PGGRC's strategy yet the Government has decided it knows best," he said.

Agriculture minister Jim Sutton is overseas but in a statement he argued the agriculture sector had been exempted from emission charges in the climate change policy but was expected to meet the costs of research.

The Government will introduce an emissions tax for other industries in 2007.

Federated Farmers president Tom Lambie said the levy disadvantaged New Zealand farmers struggling to compete in the world markets.

"As far as I'm aware we're the only country in the world to impose a levy like this," he said.

The Government needed to stop passing the buck to rural New Zealand for the Kyoto commitments it made on behalf of all New Zealanders, he said.

Farmers will have until July 31 to voice their concerns although the Government has stressed consultation will be about how the levy is paid not if it will be paid.

It has decided against a levy on the pig and poultry sectors as these represent less than one per cent of agricultural emissions.


TOPICS: Government
KEYWORDS: enviro; flatulence; globalwarming; newzealand
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LOL, GOT BEEF?
1 posted on 06/22/2003 2:13:48 PM PDT by DannyTN
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To: DannyTN
No, no, I said Flat Tax, not Fart Tax!
2 posted on 06/22/2003 2:15:17 PM PDT by TruthShallSetYouFree
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To: DannyTN
I wonder if this is the sort of environmental Bravo Sierra that Rachel Carson intended with her book; "Silent Spring". I doubt it, but this won't be the first wacky idea to emerge from New Zealand. The island is further to the left and nuttier than California.
3 posted on 06/22/2003 2:24:59 PM PDT by elbucko
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To: elbucko
re: nuttier than California)))

NZ is very restrictive of legal immigration, and enforces against illegal immigration. Interesting place--a beautiful island smug in its isolation, but awfully close to North Korea.

4 posted on 06/22/2003 2:29:55 PM PDT by Mamzelle
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To: shaggy eel
Intestinal activity bumperootus!
5 posted on 06/22/2003 2:31:07 PM PDT by ErnBatavia (Bumperootus!)
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To: DannyTN
But what about all the flatulence coming from libbies??? (Shouldn't that be taxed too?)
6 posted on 06/22/2003 2:32:19 PM PDT by E=MC<sup>2</sup>
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To: E=MC<sup>2</sup>
"But what about all the flatulence coming from libbies??? (Shouldn't that be taxed too?) "

I was thinking, if only we could capture it. All that hot air would solve the energy crisis.

7 posted on 06/22/2003 2:34:57 PM PDT by DannyTN (Note left on my door by a pack of neighborhood dogs.)
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To: ErnBatavia
,,, this initiative comes from the same Marxist government that has taxed the middle class in order to achieve a fiscal surplus of $NZ4 billion that will be redistributed before next year's general election - keep in mind that New Zealand has a total population of 4 million people.

Other moves afoot include legislation for lesbians to be legal fathers; legislation drafted to ensure Maori tribes take ownership of foreshores and ocean beds and the widely known disbanding or our airforce to fund the arts The arts includes the gay vote in New Zealand. The move to tax cow farts under the feel good Kyoto Protocol will assist in the aspect of agricultural economic deconstruction. In short, the country is being taken apart by Helen Clark's Labour Party.

8 posted on 06/22/2003 2:42:29 PM PDT by shaggy eel
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To: DannyTN
"research on emission reductions needed to meet New Zealand's commitment to lower greenhouse gas emissions under the Kyoto protocol."

Let me see if I understand this correctly. NZ will tax animal farmers because their animals break wind. The "F**t Tax" monies will then be used to find ways to reduce animal f**ting based upon greenhouse projections developed by the Kyoto protocol. Obvious solution: Withdraw from being subservient to the Kyoto protocol. Tell the rest of the world to go "f**t" themselves.
9 posted on 06/22/2003 2:55:01 PM PDT by lilylangtree
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To: DannyTN
Catch the flatulence in bags and pump it into chambers full of waiting enviromentalists so they can inhale it to clean our air.
10 posted on 06/22/2003 2:56:29 PM PDT by INSENSITIVE GUY
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To: DannyTN
Of course, they don't realize that Scientific American has published data on solar activity. The sun is hotter (radiating more) and has been for the last 24 years. Enough to account for the heating (I suspect).
11 posted on 06/22/2003 2:59:22 PM PDT by KC_for_Freedom
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To: Mamzelle
Interesting place--a beautiful island smug in its isolation, but awfully close to North Korea.

,,, yes it is an interesting place, but close to North Korea? Maybe politically, but about the same distance as you are to Argentina. BTW, New Zealand isn't just one island.

12 posted on 06/22/2003 3:00:21 PM PDT by shaggy eel
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To: lilylangtree
"Obvious solution: Withdraw from being subservient to the Kyoto protocol."

Really every American livestock farmer and grain producer should be thanking George Bush right now for rejecting Kyoto.

I can picture some Rat compaigning on Bush's failure to uphold Kyoto only to have some conservative bring up New Zealand's livestock flatulence tax.

13 posted on 06/22/2003 3:01:25 PM PDT by DannyTN (Note left on my door by a pack of neighborhood dogs.)
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To: KC_for_Freedom
The sun is hotter (radiating more) and has been for the last 24 years. Enough to account for the heating (I suspect).

,,, I'd go along with that. Where I am, we've just had the driest summer since 1968.

14 posted on 06/22/2003 3:02:23 PM PDT by shaggy eel
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To: DannyTN
Can't they figure out some way to harness this natural resource? Maybe they could use something like balloons or something.
15 posted on 06/22/2003 3:15:53 PM PDT by Savage Beast (Vote Democrat! Vote for national--and personal--suicide! It's like being a suicide bomber!)
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To: DannyTN
Farmers will be taxed on the flatulence of their livestock in an attempt to slow New Zealand's contribution to global warming.

 

So, if the farmers allow their cows to actually take a dump, does that mean firing squad at dawn?

 

 

16 posted on 06/22/2003 3:27:06 PM PDT by Fintan (HILLARY IN '04!!! (C'mon...Marxism works. It just hasn't been done right yet...))
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To: DannyTN
Buffalo Bill---the environmentalist!

Any estimates yet on how much gas 40,000,000 buffalo emitted before Buffalo Bill Cody came and saved the planet?

17 posted on 06/22/2003 3:29:40 PM PDT by cookcounty
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To: DannyTN
I want to see a liberal idiot running around checking to see just how much flatulance each animal puts out.

This must be documented for a cow or sheep, you understand. Don't want anyone to be over or under charged.

18 posted on 06/22/2003 3:35:39 PM PDT by Budge (God Bless FReepers!)
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To: sweetliberty
duh... bump!
19 posted on 06/22/2003 3:43:47 PM PDT by Budge (God Bless FReepers!)
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To: Budge
"I want to see a liberal idiot running around checking to see just how much flatulance each animal puts out."

Well actually that is a very good question. "Who did document how much greenhouse gas a cow produces? And did they have an agenda when they did?"

I shared that vision, and it was funny, until I realized that we probably have already paid some stupid liberal probably associated with PETA through a grant to measure this so that our beef could be taxed.

20 posted on 06/22/2003 3:44:31 PM PDT by DannyTN (Note left on my door by a pack of neighborhood dogs.)
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To: Fintan
"So, if the farmers allow their cows to actually take a dump, does that mean firing squad at dawn?"

I think it means "Fire up the barbeque boys, before the revenuers get here."

21 posted on 06/22/2003 3:47:58 PM PDT by DannyTN (Note left on my door by a pack of neighborhood dogs.)
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To: DannyTN; All
Fling the cow flash game
22 posted on 06/22/2003 3:49:33 PM PDT by PeaceBeWithYou (De Oppresso Liber!)
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To: Fintan
So, if the farmers allow their cows to actually take a dump, does that mean firing squad at dawn?

,,, strange you should mention that. That's another issue. Kiwi farmers are being told to prepare to fence around streams for this very reason. Couple this to the fart tax and we've got something a bit more clever and quieter than Robert Mugabe driving people off their farms.

23 posted on 06/22/2003 3:50:44 PM PDT by shaggy eel
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To: shaggy eel
"strange you should mention that"

I don't understand. Kiwi farmers are being told to fence to prevent cows from dumping on their land? Is that a risk somehow to Kiwi's? Do Kiwi's fall to the ground and get contaminated by e-coli or something?

24 posted on 06/22/2003 3:56:13 PM PDT by DannyTN (Note left on my door by a pack of neighborhood dogs.)
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To: DannyTN
"Livestock accounts for about half of New Zealand's total greenhouse gas emissions."



Orally flatulent liberal politcians account for the other half!
25 posted on 06/22/2003 3:59:07 PM PDT by gc4nra
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To: DannyTN
,,, New Zealand might as well be writing the book on political correctness. We've got a government funded obsession with being safe. The Labour government doesn't get it's votes from farmers and now Labour is making them pay for it. Intelligent politicians know that somewhere in the region of 60% of our export receipts are generated from primary produce - or derivitives. Who's going to pay for the state of the art welfare system? Answer: the soon to fall middle class. Welcome Karl Marx! The meat we export only pays the medicine bill. We're in big trouble here.
26 posted on 06/22/2003 4:05:26 PM PDT by shaggy eel
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To: DannyTN
If we were to tax the hot air that animals produce in ths country just think of how much money we could get out of Democrat politicians.
27 posted on 06/22/2003 4:05:35 PM PDT by curmudgeonII
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To: elbucko
"I wonder if this is the sort of environmental Bravo Sierra that Rachel Carson intended with her book; "Silent Spring".

No, but it might be the sequel, "Silent but Deadly Spring"

28 posted on 06/22/2003 4:07:04 PM PDT by DannyTN (Note left on my door by a pack of neighborhood dogs.)
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To: INSENSITIVE GUY
"Catch the flatulence in bags..."

Sounds like a great working title for the next Michael Moore film. Or a tag-line for This Week, with George Stuffinenvelopes...

29 posted on 06/22/2003 4:10:41 PM PDT by Bernard
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To: shaggy eel
Oh, Shaggy, this is pathetic. Global warming is a tenuous theory at best. The relationship of man made impacts on the tenuous theory is even more questionable. Your government is actually going to levy taxes against some of your most productive citizens on very shaky data. This is absolutely crazy.

BTW, as I continue to view your real estate pages for future purchases, I also watch the financial markets waiting for the best opportunities to buy. The NZD is up from .42/USD last summer to nearly .58/USD this summer. Are you able to export anything anymore? And then, this atrocity on your agricultural exporters!! Oh, my.

30 posted on 06/22/2003 4:18:52 PM PDT by johniegrad
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To: johniegrad
,,, Klark has an agenda, so does Mugabe. They're from the same school.
31 posted on 06/22/2003 4:21:50 PM PDT by shaggy eel
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To: DannyTN
Are they going to creat a new govt. ministry, the Ministry of Flatulence? Will the people who work there go out and count animal farts all day? I don't think I'd want that job.
32 posted on 06/22/2003 4:27:23 PM PDT by SuziQ
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To: DannyTN
"That's overkill." Meat New Zealand chairman Jeff Grant said. "This is a public good rather than an industry good. It should be funded by the Government not farmers."

Does this fellow believe that government money is a separate entity from public money? Does he think that the government just prints the money to fund government programs with no cost to the citizens? Is this the reason that socialists keep getting elected in these countries? Can someone be that stupid?

33 posted on 06/22/2003 4:32:11 PM PDT by this_ol_patriot
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To: Bernard
"Catch the flatulence in bags..."

I was thinking the Democratic National Convention, but I don't think bags would be sufficient.

34 posted on 06/22/2003 4:38:28 PM PDT by DannyTN (Note left on my door by a pack of neighborhood dogs.)
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To: DannyTN
...we probably have already paid some stupid liberal probably associated with PETA through a grant to measure this so that our beef could be taxed.

Being a very non-scientific person, let me see how this mightv be accomplished.

Liberal PETA tester sneaks up behind the cow. Peta tester has an ample supply of un-inflated plastic bags and a large roll of duct tape.

Said tester surreptitiously tapes numbered plastic bag over cow's behind, almost diaper-like.

(Gawd, I need a picture of this...Registered, one of you talanted people?)

The next day PETA POOT TESTER returns, removes numbered bag and sends it to the PPTL (PETA POOT TESTER LAB) to determine exact ammount of gaseous content. There, the flatulance is seperated from the poop...

I can't go on with this!!! My mind is starting to get jelly-like!

35 posted on 06/22/2003 4:40:04 PM PDT by Budge (God Bless FReepers!)
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To: this_ol_patriot
,,, in using the term public good, Jeff Grant is quietly slipping the knife into New Zealand's socialist government. He's suggesting that the government foots the bill for this initiative as it's the saboteur wanting to implement it for everyone else's [perceived] advantage except the farmers and the NZ economy. Watch this space, we're about to become the Albania of the south Pacific.
36 posted on 06/22/2003 4:40:20 PM PDT by shaggy eel
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To: SuziQ
"Are they going to creat a new govt. ministry, the Ministry of Flatulence? "

It seems at the very least, they need a Department of Flatulence.

Make your check payable to "Department of Flatulence Revenue"

37 posted on 06/22/2003 4:41:08 PM PDT by DannyTN (Note left on my door by a pack of neighborhood dogs.)
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To: this_ol_patriot
If Kiwis REALLY want to tax flatulence, I mean really tax the true gasbags, they would enact a confiscatory tax of say $100 per political gas pass in the halls of Parliament.

38 posted on 06/22/2003 4:42:33 PM PDT by John Valentine (Writing from downtown Seoul, keeping an eye on the hills to the north.)
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To: DannyTN
Umm, Ed? Was that a Clydesdale?

(Old joke...........for those of you who used to watch Johnny Carson)
39 posted on 06/22/2003 4:42:43 PM PDT by Sub-Driver
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To: shaggy eel
"Jeff Grant is quietly slipping the knife into New Zealand's socialist government"

Either that or he could just pull their finger and then tax them for it.

40 posted on 06/22/2003 4:43:59 PM PDT by DannyTN (Note left on my door by a pack of neighborhood dogs.)
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To: DannyTN
,,, if all Kiwis pull Labour's finger next November, Klark and Co. will be farting from somewhere near Papua New Guinea!
41 posted on 06/22/2003 4:47:04 PM PDT by shaggy eel
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To: shaggy eel
Welcome to America!
42 posted on 06/22/2003 4:48:45 PM PDT by ErnBatavia (Bumperootus!)
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To: ErnBatavia
,,, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!
43 posted on 06/22/2003 4:49:36 PM PDT by shaggy eel
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To: shaggy eel
Ok, forgive me for being ignorant of NZ politics, but what is a "Kiwi". The only thing I know of named Kiwi is a small green fruit.
44 posted on 06/22/2003 4:52:58 PM PDT by DannyTN (Note left on my door by a pack of neighborhood dogs.)
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To: DannyTN
Politics/Elections Extended News Miscellaneous Keywords: HUMOR
Source: me
Published: 8/12/01 Author: me
Posted on 08/13/2001 09:29:00 PDT by ChadGore

NOTE: The following weak attempt at humor is inspired by the legislature in New Zealand who proposed introducing a tax on each head of livestock in order to come into compliance with the Kyoto Protocol.


Kyoto in a nutshell
Still dark, as the alarm goes off, a young Idaho farmer opens one eye and looks up at the clock reading 4:00 and, without even hitting the snooze button, gets up and gets dressed. In the pre-dawn dusk, the farmer walks through the house his grandfather built, the home his dad and uncle worked so hard not to sell back in the 50s, and the same one him and his family took over in the early 90s.

Making his way across the yard to pet the farm dogs, he heads out towards the barn, he sees the sun just starting to break the horizon and pauses, standing alone in the pre-dawn quiet. For just a moment, he ponders his family ties to the land for the last few decades, his commitment to his loving family, and, without hesitation, heads off to the barn while smiling at the sunrise.

Just then, he sees a dust trail coming up the long road, wondering who would be coming to see him so early in the morning. Squinting a bit, still puzzled, he starts to make out the shape of a rent-a-car looking sedan. As the car pulls up in-front of him he can see the words “Your loving federal government” printed on the side of the door.

“Gmorning guys” says the farmer, to 2 people in black sunglasses, pressed suits and that funny thing stuck into their ears.

Farmer: “Can I help you boys?”
Kyoto collector: “Sir, it’s 587 miles to Chicago, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses. We’re on a mission from greenpea.. er um I mean your loving federal government.”
Farmer: “Huh?”
Kyoto collector: “Nevermind, sir.”
Farmer: ”What seems to be the problem, boys”
Kyoto collector: “It’s your cows, sir”
Farmer: “My cows? Well, I’m don’t mean to boast, but we’ve got a pretty good heard this year, we had some feed problems earlier in the summer, but we caught it early, and it’s a good thing we did because…”
(Interrupting) Kyoto collector: “Give us your money”
Farmer: “Pardon me?”
Kyoto collector: “Your money, sir. give it to us.”
(Tilting his hat back on his head, the farmer gives the boys his best Clint Eastwood squint)
Farmer: “Now boys, I know you’re just doing your job and all, but I can assure you that the wife and I have paid all our taxes in full, and oh, wait a second, are you hear to deliver my W Check?
Kyoto collector: “It’s not about that, sir.”
Farmer: “What’s it about then?”
Kyoto collector: “Your cows, they fart, give us your money.”
(laughing) Farmer: “Now boys, you know I don’t have any control over that kinda thing. Hell, just last night the wife made this corn beef cabbage and, well, huh, huh let me tell ya, when the misty green haze comes, it just does! Besides, that kinda things only natural.”
Kyoto collector: “It’s not about you, sir.”
Farmer: “Right, right, the cows, they fart, and you want my money.”
Kyoto collector: “Exactly, sir.”
Farmer: “What are you going to do with my money?”
Kyoto collector: “Give it to Fidel, sir.”
Farmer: “FIDEL?! What da hell?”
Kyoto collector: “You wouldn’t understand, sir. Just give us your money, your caws, they fart.”
Farmer: “WELL TRY ME!”
(looking down at paperwork) Kyoto collector: “Well sir, it says here, that you gotta pay Cuba money because your cows fart. It says here, you have to buy "credits from developing countrys for permission to make greenhouse gas emissions.”
Farmer: (Looks over his shoulder for the hidden camera, convinced Allen Funt is going to tell him that he’s on candid camera)
Kyoto collector: “Sir please, give us your money, your cows, they fart.”
Farmer: “Look boys, there must be some kind of misunderstanding here, this kinda thing has been going on for decades and…”
Kyoto collector: “It’s the planet, sir.”
Farmer: “Heh, heh, Which planet are you from boys?”
Kyoto collector: “This planet, sir.”
Farmer: “What about the planet?”
Kyoto collector: “It needs saving, sir.”
Farmer: “OK! (taking a deep breath) let me make sure I got this straight, boys. Molly and Bessy over there let one rip, I give you my money, you give my money to Fidel and that saves, what exactly?”
Kyoto collector: “The planet, sir.”
Farmer: Planet Fidel???
Kyoto collector: “The planet, sir.”
Farmer: “Now boys, the wife’s family lives down in Florida, and they don't think to much of your Mr. Fidel, and I don't think they'd take to kindly to me sending this FIDEL person my money! Now I’ve been in trouble with the in-laws before, and let me tell you it’s no treat and…”
(Interrupting again) Kyoto collector: “Sir please, your cows, they fart, give us your money.”
(Clearly frustrated) Farmer: “Now boys, I’m all for doin’ the right thing here, but I just don’t understand how every time my cow farts, Fidel gets a dollar?!?
Kyoto collector: “al gore said so, sir.”
Farmer: “al gore?!?! Get the rope! Er umm sorry boys, it’s just a reaction from our nations longest month. Hehe, ya know, that funny lookin’ feller almost stole the election! (muttering) good-for-nothing-suit stuffing-blow-hard-little-pansy…he put the country through hell!
Kyoto collector: “Please sir, your cows, they fart, give us your money.”
Farmer: “Ok now look here boys, I've gotta get to work, and I don't have time to pussy foot around here. I am not, I repeat not going to give you, or anyone else, my hard earned money just because Bessy and Molly "get a little loose". My money sure as hell aint goin to that scruffy lookin' FIDEL character neither. Now I don’t care who sent ya, greenpeace this, or al gore that, but my money is MY MONEY, and you can just tell that funny lookin’ gore boy to just pound sand! You taking my money is not going to save any planet, with the possible exception of the one al gore is from, now good day! I said good day, boys.”

45 posted on 06/22/2003 4:54:01 PM PDT by ChadGore (Piss off a liberal: Hire Someone.)
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To: shaggy eel
Thus my question about "do Kiwi's fall to the ground (before being harvested) and get contaiminated by e-coli?"

I didn't mean to insult anybody.
46 posted on 06/22/2003 4:54:09 PM PDT by DannyTN (Note left on my door by a pack of neighborhood dogs.)
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To: DannyTN
,,, the small furry fruit are called Kiwifruit. A Kiwi is a New Zealand native flightless bird - our national symbol - as yours is an eagle. I'd call you a Yank, you'd call me a Kiwi. Although you call the fruit Kiwi, avoid confusion and call it Kiwifruit.
47 posted on 06/22/2003 4:59:20 PM PDT by shaggy eel
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To: DannyTN
I didn't mean to insult anybody.

,,, LOL! No worries, you didn't.

48 posted on 06/22/2003 5:01:41 PM PDT by shaggy eel
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To: DannyTN
"Fire up the barbeque boys, before the revenuers get here."



 

Well, there are other more humane ways...

 

 

49 posted on 06/22/2003 5:19:53 PM PDT by Fintan (HILLARY IN '04!!! C'mon...Marxism works. It just hasn't been done right yet...)
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To: shaggy eel
My point was that no matter who's the direct taxee, in the end it all comes from the same place, a citizen's wallet. Throwing the program cost onto another entity does not solve the problem which is too many government tendrils into every aspect of our lives.

This was in response to thoughts I've heard expressed in this country (USA) that somehow government "creates" money to fund all these whims and as long as Uncle Sam is not actually back there pickpocketing us, the fruits of our labor are safe.

50 posted on 06/22/2003 7:33:19 PM PDT by this_ol_patriot
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