Blonde Jokes
I can't help it--I'm blonde, I'm smart. I love these jokes!
How does a blonde copy a file?
Posted on 06/28/2003 9:43:42 PM PDT by cherry_bomb88
This week's argument: Blondes deserve positive reinforcement
Tomorrow is a very special day. It is not the kind of national holiday that has been proclaimed by the president, or even a mayor (remember Zora Andrich Day?). And I'm still not sure who was behind Take Your Dog to Work Day. But National Blonde Day exists for one reason only: to promote a movie.
Sure, the press release talks about blonde discrimination, blonde pride and even a theme ("Makeover America"). But don't be fooled. And for God's sake, don't send any donations to the Blonde Legal Defense Club. It's all to boost publicity for "Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde," which opens Wednesday.
I saw right through the stunt, of course--perhaps because I'm not a natural blonde. My real hair color is something akin to taupe.
But I see no reason not to mark the day in some way. After all, one in three American women dye their hair blonde. We may be growing in number, but not in respect.
Earlier this year, the book On Blondes was published to critical acclaim. The concept was a bit of an oxymoron: A scholarly look at a group of women not historically recognized for their big brains. By the '70s, Joanna Pitman writes, blonde jokes were considered an art form.
One magazine in 1977 published an article titled "The Irresistible Dumb Blonde": "This is a creature who makes no pretense at being well-read ... She does not enter into sophisticated word play. She has no concepts to juggle; no theories to espouse. Her most salient points are physical, and imbued with a kind of irresistible sexuality. ...she protrudes in the right places."
Or, as Madonna would later tell Rolling Stone magazine, "Being blonde is definitely a different state of mind."
That's one way to put it.
So how are today's batch of blondes passing on the torch without scorching their manicures? Here are our nominees for the inaugural Blondes of Distinction Awards:
Reese Witherspoon
For not bothering with all that time-consuming research. The star of "Legally Blonde 2" is hatching another baby blonde as we speak, but she has yet to find out her due date. "I think it's in the fourth or fifth month, but I honestly don't know," she confessed.
Paris Hilton
Rumored to have contributed to the breakup of Robert Evans' sixth marriage. But Paris earns the award for being featured in Us Weekly's first-ever installment of "Hollywood Wedgies: Guess Who's Got One?"
Hillary Clinton
For publishing a book with the most pompous title in recent memory (Living History). Not since Eddie Fisher's Been There, Done That have we seen such ego.
Britney Spears
For going brunette for approximately three days, and then retreating again underneath bleached extensions. Know your limits, honey.
Lil' Kim
For her blonde ambition. She says she's going to market a "life-size Kim doll that will be anatomically correct in every way."
Renee Zellweger
For publicizing her high-fat diet in preparation for her role in the "Bridget Jones" sequel. Doughnuts every day? What she won't sacrifice for her art!
Pamela Anderson
For her record-breaking stint for being famous without making any cultural contributions whatsoever. Her breakup with Kid Rock got more press than Harry Potter, and she always has her career to fall back on. "I've been fortunate," she recently told People magazine. "I haven't had too many auditions. I slept with all the right people."
Courtney Love
For reminding us that blonde is as blonde does. After publicly speculating that her ex, Edward Norton, would never marry Salma Hayek because "he can barely understand half of what she's saying," she issued the snottiest apology on record to "Miss Hayek, who is nothing if not brilliant, with a loving relationship and a massive I.Q., not to mention a firm grip and style with the English language."
Jewel
For pushing her new album with an all-out bimbo makeover. In her latest music video, she is actually sprayed by a firehose. That's right--don't fight it, sister!
Aaron Carter
For starting early. Two tween queens reportedly got into a scuffle over the pop star at a cover shoot for Vanity Fair: Hilary Duff, 15, his current squeeze, and Lindsay Lohan, 17, his ex.
For publishing a book with the most pompous title in recent memory (Living History). Not since Eddie Fisher's Been There, Done That have we seen such ego.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUMOR PING!!!!!)))))))))))))))))
Hillary Clinton--For publishing a book with the most pompous title in recent memory (Living History). Not since Eddie Fisher's Been There, Done That have we seen such ego.
Funny dumb blonde awards!!!
Hillary Clinton---- For publishing a book with the most pompous title in recent memory (Living History). Not since Eddie Fisher's Been There, Done That have we seen such ego.
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blonde replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
Wow! Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock broke up? I hadn't heard. Anyone have the scoop on that?
I would expect her to fall forward.
Blonde Jokes
I can't help it--I'm blonde, I'm smart. I love these jokes!
How does a blonde copy a file?
Why is it the first thing I thought of was a bra?
What the hay ? Another one from that link I posted:
BLONDE STRIKES BACK!
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blond replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
hehe! Good one. Didn't read #5. Might have know of all the jokes on that link, I'd pick one already posted. Whoops !
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