Nothing boring about watching Andy on the courts ... nothing!
Posted on 07/08/2003 9:55:22 AM PDT by presidio9
It's tough luck for Mark Philippoussis, but otherwise a great relief all around that it is over for another year. Wimbledon fortnight, that is - the most boring sporting event on Earth. Two weeks of wall-to-wall tedium, the only excitement coming when they pull the covers over when rain stops play.
What brings people to it? After all, unrelieved boredom does not exactly come cheap. A seat can cost you as much as $175, while souvenirs such as baseball caps (especially designed to be worn backwards) can cost $45. A towel could set you back about $70.
One reason for Wimbledon's popularity could be that British people lead such exciting lives, always zinging about - here, there and everywhere - that a good dose of tedium is just what the doctor ordered to slow them all down a bit.
Then again, it could be that they are more interested in having first-hand experience of such never ending tennis soap operas as At Home with the Dokics; or perhaps checking out whatever bizarre attire the Williams sisters have shoe-horned themselves into for the day's match.
There is one really entertaining thing about Wimbledon fortnight: the chance to eat strawberries and cream. It is simple, uncomplicated fare. A serving will cost you about $5 for 10 strawberries, so it is sort of reasonably priced.
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A bit of trivia: About 27,000 kilos of strawberries are scoffed during a Wimbledon fortnight. If we subtract two rest days, and assume that they sell strawberries for six hours on every play day, then punters are downing strawberries at the rate of about six kilograms a minute.
Meanwhile, back at Centre Court, we are forced to ask if anything can be done to make grand slam tennis interesting. Apparently not. But here are some suggestions for spicing it up a bit:
1. Use smaller racquets. Something about the size of a ping-pong bat should suffice, and each player only gets one per match. If it is broken, players must use their hand, or whatever else they can find.
2. Penalise players who serve aces.
3. Wash players' mouths out with soap and then send them home if they question any line call or the umpire's decision.
4. Make the nets higher - say, about three metres, and in the form of a hedge or a brick wall so that players don't know what's coming at them.
5. Have two balls in play at the same time for singles matches, and four for doubles matches to keep them all on their toes.
6. Or play two different singles matches at the same time, on the same court.
There may be another answer. The name of the club that runs the tournament is The All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club.
What if they just concentrated on the croquet? Two weeks of retired vicars playing knock-down, drag-out, winner-take-all croquet with strawberries and cream thrown in - now that would really get your pulse racing.
Nothing boring about watching Andy on the courts ... nothing!
Of course I did, but
for every one Anna, there's
two dozen of these...
Well was it worth it? Did you get lucky?
No one is even close to second for boredom.
Well, maybe golf.
1. Use smaller racquets. Something about the size of a ping-pong bat should suffice, and each player only gets one per match. If it is broken, players must use their hand, or whatever else they can find.
2. Penalise players who serve aces. ...
Actually, I am now definitely bored by men's (and increasingly, women's) tennis, in large part due to it having become so much a "serve and volley" game. I think there may be a very easy cure for this, which will not greatly affect the tennis I play, or that of anyone I know, which I came by this weekend while watching a while. Simply put, shorten the service line (the line crossing in the middle) by a foot or two (30-60cm, for the euro-types) from 21ft from the net to, say, 19 or 20ft. That will force the real heavy servers to take some pace off even their first serve, and end the overwhelming dominance of that aspect of the game.
Yeah, sure, those huge 120+mph serves are impressive, but there is nothing more after that. This simple (and cheap) change could rejuvinate the professional game.
Wow...
Serena Williams
- aceing her game both on and off the field.
Since he didn't actually NAME her, he only needs to post a silhouette...
Tennis is a lot more interesting than golf. Actually tennis is VERY interesting to watch because of its speed.
Sure. That's why J'ai L'ai is the most popular spectator sport in the world, right?
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