The most boring sporting event on Earth

The Sydney Morning Herald ^ | July 9 2003 | Edward Richards

[discostu]

Tennis might be dull but the most boring event in sports is All Star games. They all suck. The NFL announces the new Hall of Fame inductees before the Pro-Bowl, which is the only thing that makes the game even interesting enough to watch 5 minutes of the pre-game show, the other 3 really have nothing to recommend them.

[discostu]

Rain becomes interesting when you start placing bets, that's not a valid test.

[Monty22]

Heck, Travel Channel has been showing 'The World Poker Tournament' and it's incredible viewing.

The most interesting 'sport' I've seen yet.

[AxelPaulsenJr]

[presidio9]

Now that is truely mesmerizing.

[SoDak]

That's not boring.

[LexBaird]

Spectator sports are the new opiate of the masses. Some are just more efficient at putting one to sleep than others. Why would anyone pay money to see someone else whack, kick, throw, bounce or roll a ball?

Now, getting off your couch and doing these things yourself... that's fun!

[autoresponder]

Now if you threw in a vesion of that women's final winning soccer score celebration with that......

[autoresponder]

Got that WPGA/Russkie Olympic weightlifter deal going on there......

[xp38]

Curling!!!! All your questions answered...........

http://www.usacurl.org/

[6323cd]

[A monologue, read by Michael Flanders.]

The Tooley Street branch of the musician's union says he has to have a tea break. Would you please imagine that I'm wearing a blue blazer, and a white hat; that I'm sitting at the top of a short step-ladder. It's summer.

[pop!] [pop!] [pop!]
Wimbledon.
[pop!]
June.
[pop!]
Ladies' singles.
[pop!]
Third round.
[pop!]
Ballboys are bounding all over the ground. Play started at two, and we're still on the rack; a-quarter-to-five, and they've hardly begun. A perfect defense,
[pop!]
meets a perfect attack. [pupe!]
Miss L. Hammerfest... meets Miss J. Hunter-Dunn. Game to Miss Hunter-Dunn. Miss Hammerfest leads by two games to one in the third set, having won the first by eighteen games to sixteen, lost second twenty-five to twenty-seven.

I never LIKED tennis! Damn silly name for a game with its volleys and loves and all that. The first time I umpired was June of '36 -- I didn't think much of it THEN. Just rather fancied myself in the HAT. Since then I have umpired again,
[pop!]
and again,
[pop!]
and again,
[pop!]
and year after year as I've sat on court after court I've been struck by the thought they are BASHING a BALL with the GUT of a CAT.

What a sport... You may think it's tedious seen from down there -- it's LUDICROUS seen from ABOVE! Fifteen/Love!
[pop!]
Keeping my eye firmly fixed on the ball, hoping the linesman will know what to call... Fifteen/All!
[pop!]
As each long, drawn-out point, throws my neck out of joint! What a job, set-after-set. Oh, the relief when you get the occasional lob...
[pop!]
A-h-h-hh... 'Till they SMASH it.
[pupe-ps-s-s-s-s-ss-ooh]
Oh, dash it!

Thirty/Fifteen! What does it all mean?
[pop!]
Forty/Fifteen! Why thirty/fifteen; why forty/fifteen? What if, instead, I just said ONE/nothing, TWO/nothing, THREE/nothing, and GAME? Do just the same; some of the debenture-holders be bound to get shirty.
[pop!]
Forty/Thirty!
[pop!]
And now the spectators are trickling out; there's thunder about -- with luck, it will RAIN. That aught to reduce...
[pop!]
Deuce! Half of me bored.
[pop-ptptptptpttt]
Net cord! The other half nervous... First service! Wish it were dinner... Thank God, a winner! Advantage, Miss Hammerfest!

[pop!]
Bonk.
[pop!]
Bink.
[pop!]
Bonk.
[pop!]
Bink.

Drives you to DRINK. Sitting up here, I'm obsessed with the fear of getting it WRONG, with everybody else will be going "bonk, bink ;" I shall be going "bink, bonk!" Oh, DO get it over-with; what is the use! Oh, we're back again...

Deuce! Wimbledon. June. Ladies' Singles. Third Round. Groundsmen are asked, "How's the state of the ground?" Players are photographed jumping the nets. But here sits a figure one always forgets. The Umpire... upon whom... the sun... never sets!

[foreverfree]

bump

[bruin66]

The thing I really liked about Wimbledon was that there were no lame-brained interviews on court - no microphones - nothing. I was deeply saddened, this year, when they had a lame-brained interview on centre court.

[Prodigal Son]

Gross.

Serena- gross? Wow. A fellow could do a whole lot worse that Serena. She definitely looks like she'd be more fun to snuggle up to than Calista Flockhart for example.

[presidio9]

Agreed. But, then, neither woman has breasts.

[Prodigal Son]

Serena doesn't have breasts? They're so big as to be a distraction when you watch her play!

[presidio9]

Possibly. I'm too repulsed by her initial masculine appearance to take a closer look. I'll have to take your word for it. My Uncle Vito has breasts too, but I don't find him attractive either.

[Hinoki Cypress]

She might have Ann Coulter beat, in that pic, at least. Hmmm.

[longtermmemmory]

stripper tennis!

[longtermmemmory]

one word to improve women's tennis:


THONGS!