Posted on 08/25/2003 3:24:27 PM PDT by FoxPro
Singles confess shocking 1st date behavior
Margot Carmichael Lester, Match.com
Tiptoeing through the two lips is in, according to online singles. In a recent poll, we asked how far their lips would go on a first date, and their responses were unexpectedly frank.
The results reveal that almost as many singles share a deep kiss goodnight as share a deep kiss good morning. In fact, slightly more singles (25 percent) were still together the morning after their dates as those who French-kissed (24 percent) or gave a quick smooch on the smacker (22 percent) before parting ways the night before.
Once upon a time, these statistics would have been scandalous. But in today's more relaxed society, should we be surprised that more people are doing more on the first date?
According to Emily Dubberly, sexpert and founder of Cliterati.co.uk, the answer is no.
"The media has played a huge part in things," Dubberly says. From the rather high-brow Sex and the City and Coupling to the decidedly low-brow dregs of certain reality television shows, the discussion of sex and relationships is no longer the stuff of late-night TV.
"Women are more relaxed about their own sexuality thanks to shows like Sex and the City," Dubberly notes. "They realize that they aren't 'bad' girls if they sleep with men — and men are slowly beginning to realize it too."
And that, she says, has allowed the ladies to stop focusing on the One, instead giving a nod to some One. "Women like sex and are less prepared to wait for the One to get it," Dubberly explains. "Women know that Mr. Right takes some finding, and Mr. Right Now can be a good way to pass the time."
The power of the pucker We asked singles for their thoughts on kissing — and more — on the first date. Here's what they said:
"It's too confusing to have good chemistry and not explore kissing at the end of a date," says Sam, 32, from New York. "If I get along with someone and we laugh a lot, I am going for the big lip-on-lip make-out kiss. In fact, over half of my last few dates ended lip-locked."
For some, kissing is a crucial barometer. "If I don't like the guy, I won't kiss him," says Joanna, 34, from Memphis. "But if I do like him, I need to kiss him to see whether he's worth dating a second time or not." And, she adds, "Kissing is a pretty reliable preview of how a guy will be in bed."
But what about more than kissing?
And the power of… "Some 'dates' are not really dates but an overdue chance for two people who already have had some time to get acquainted online and on the phone to actually be with each other," explains Oahu-based Yin, 40. "The fact that the first 'date' might be hot really should be no surprise."
Kaile, 25, of Washington, D.C., sees it a little differently. "Sleeping together on the first date may be fine for some — and there's nothing wrong with it. But waiting for a while to sleep together, to me at least, indicates a level of intended seriousness about the relationship."
Some see sex as a way to get to know someone better. It can seal the deal — or break it. Still others are just looking for some fun.
Each angle is valid. The only glitch is if you and your partner aren't on the same page.
"You've got to make sure your partner knows your intentions," says Dan, 28, of Newport, R.I., "because the worst is when you see the interaction as 'just sex' or casual and she sees it as a declaration of love or commitment."
So does the new sexual paradigm mean singles are giving up on love in the name of a good time? Not at all.
"Sex and love are no longer seen as things that have to go together," Dubberly says. "Although, obviously, it's fantastic if you get both."
Margot Carmichael Lester is a relationships and sex expert whose straight talk advice and commentary appears regularly in Playboy and on Match.com, Sex-Kitten.net and other outlets. She also runs Bed-Tested, a company dedicated to the candid discussion of relationships, sex and sexuality, and offers stimulating expertise via individual consultation and public seminars.
It is sort of an Italian sports car with mud flaps!
Once you drive one it feels so good and tight you want to drive it all night. It will handle anything you throw at it and will come back for more. I saw one once at a car show.
I still say I need a first base "coach".
Bad move. By that point you're relegating yourself to the "friend zone" and are no longer being viewed as a potential romance.
I hear stories of men who have gone for "the brass ring" on the first date and I don't get it. The annoying thing is that it often works. I don't want a woman who gives in that easily nor do I want to be someone whth that approach.
When I find the woman that makes my heart flutter I'll know it and act on my feelings in time. For now I'm enjoying the company of many different women and taking notes.
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