But Kerry is not as satisfying as ketchup....
Posted on 09/03/2003 6:20:43 AM PDT by maryz
Why does everyone keep saying that Sen. Liveshot Kerry looks French? The longer he runs for president, the more he morphs into Ed Muskie.
You remember Muskie – he was the early front-runner in 1972 who ended up getting eaten alive by a challenger from the far left. Eventually, Hunter S. Thompson wrote, Muskie sounded “like a farmer with terminal larynx cancer trying to borrow money on next year’s crop.”
Liveshot hasn’t fallen quite that far – yet. But the next time he’s campaigning in Manchester, he’d be well-advised to detour around the Union-Leader building, lest he be overcome by an uncontrollable Muskie-like urge to begin weeping hysterically.
Today Kerry announces, yet again, at Faneuil Hall. A different venue would have seemed more appropriate, but Biba is closed.
Poor Liveshot. All his life he’s he’s been hoping that someday they’d make a movie about him. The problem is, they already have. It’s called “American Gigolo.”
John Forbes Kerry – Just for Kerry. As the Corrupt Midget used to say, he’s only Irish every sixth year. Yesterday in South Carolina, he talked about a “Baptist revival” – and made it sound like a snobbish dig.
In 1961, JFK said America must “pay any price, bear any burden.”
In 2003, JFK said America must “make friends.”
It was a feeble effort. Liveshot said his mother was aGirl Scout leader. His wife – the current one – is an immigrant. She’s also five years older than he is, but that’s easy to explain. She inherited $750 million from her first husband.
Howard Dean at least knows what he is – a left-wing lunatic. John Kerry, on the other hand, says, sure I voted to threaten the use of force against Saddam, but when Bush actually used force, well, I was shocked, shocked . . . . Hey, where is everybody going? Come back here!
Now, I knew John Kerry before he became a captive of Big Ketchup, before people began approaching on the street and asking him if he had any Grey Poupon. One evening, in a bar near Ch. 7, he told me how he still had nightmares about Vietnam. Years later, I still have nightmares about him telling me about his nightmares.
It’s amazing to see Liveshot this way, doing a Dixie in Dixie, flop sweat suddenly dripping off his Brahmin brow as he flits from one non-starter issue to another. He’s staked everything on his Vietnam service. Good plan – it worked so well for another sentator named Kerrey, back in 1992.
Surely Kerry can’t be behind Dean, 38-17, in New Hampshire, or can he? Yesterday, the national reporters were saying he’d opened his campaign in South Carolina because it would be his “firewall” if and when he loses both Iowa and New Hampshire.
Mike Dukakis’ lieutenant governor is counting on South Carolina to stop the freefall? If that’s his strategy, to put it in Vietnam terms, he’s looking at his own personal Dien Bien Phu. Here are some of the words USA Today used to describe his predicament: “needs to re-energize . . . plans to re-launch . . . trails rivals . . . lackluster . . . muddled . . . aloofness . . . .”
Somehow the new media don’t approach him the way Tom Winship’s bow-tied Bumkissers always did . . . on bended knee. Yesterday, during his narcoleptic speech, Fox News kept funning fun facts about him at the bottom of the screen: “Votes with Ted Kennedy 96 Percent of the time . . . Kerry is Fluent in French . . . Fox Poll: 34 Percent Have Never Heard of Kerry . . . .”
Yesterday in South Carolina, the band played “Anchors Aweah.” They should have been shouting, Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!
This gives a bit of detail about the infamous "Baptist" comment (but not nearly enough).
Bwahahaha! I saw that yesterday, thanks to being alerted by A Citizen Reporter.
More fun facts I saw: "Voted against the 1991 Gulf War...Voted against the B-1 Bomber....Voted against Robert Bork..."
It was hilarious! Worth every dime of my Direct TV bill!
I forgot you were wondering about the "Baptist" comment, too.
You didn't happen to catch the "Baptist" comment referred to, did you? There were a couple of mentions on a thread yesterday, but no one on the thread actually heard it.
"John Kerry...Mike Dukakis’ lieutenant governor"!...
Sounds like a few great campaign slogans to me!
Howie's good at suggesting campaign slogans -- in fact, maybe Kerry could use one Howie suggested for some local pol years ago -- "Never been indicted!" (In Mass. that counts for something.)
Ah, thanks. And, yes, it sounds condescending to me, too. (But I think it might have gone over with Beacon Hill Brahmins!)
Ah, thanks. And, yes, it sounds condescending to me, too. (But I think it might have gone over with Beacon Hill Brahmins!)
But Kerry is not as satisfying as ketchup....
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