What's In A Name, Ask US Dads

AT the age of three, Timberland is too young to be embarrassed about being named after a best-selling brand of footwear, but his mother cringes. "His daddy insisted on it because Timberlands were the pride of his wardrobe. The alternative was Reebok," said the 32-year-old nurse, who is now divorced. "I wanted Kevin."

The boy is not alone: five other Americans were named Timberland in 2000, according to social security records.

A trend for naming children after favourite possessions is accelerating in brand-driven America. The records show that 49 children were named Canon in 2000, followed by 11 Bentleys, five Jaguars and a Xerox. There is also a Gouda and a Bologna, who are named after the cheese and the sausage rather than the places.

Foreign brands are regarded as increasingly chic: Chanel is popular among doting mothers and several boys have been named after a Japanese family car called Camry.

Companies are ambivalent about the honour. "It all depends on how the kids turn out, and who can predict that?" said Richard Laermer, who once represented New York couple offering to name their child after top brand for £3,00,000.

The number of American parents spurning traditional Anglo-Saxon first names is rising sharply. According to the most recent census, least 10,000 different names are now in use, twothirds of which were largely unknown before the second world war.

Edward Callary, a past president the American Names Society, said determination to be different is the hallmark of the current generation of young parents. "The more we feel defined by numbers, in our postal codes and bank statements, the more we need to shout out unique name into the world," he said. The 2000 social security records reveal that 24 children were named Unique.

"Maybe we should consider that old French law which banned names likely to embarrass the children. Mind you, one of the most popular girls' names in France right now is Ocean, and you can imagine the wet and salty jokes that inspire Parisian playgrounds."

My daddy left home when I was three
And he didn't leave much to ma and me
Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze.
Now, I don't blame him cause he run and hid
But the meanest thing that he ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me "Sue."

Well, he must o' thought that is quite a joke
And it got a lot of laughs from a' lots of folk,
It seems I had to fight my whole life through.
Some gal would giggle and I'd get red
And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head,
I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named "Sue."

Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean,
My fist got hard and my wits got keen,
I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame.
But I made a vow to the moon and stars
That I'd search the honky-tonks and bars
And kill that man who gave me that awful name.

Well, it was Gatlinburg in mid-July
And I just hit town and my throat was dry,
I thought I'd stop and have myself a brew.
At an old saloon on a street of mud,
There at a table, dealing stud,
Sat the dirty, mangy dog that named me "Sue."
Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
From a worn-out picture that my mother'd had,
And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye.
He was big and bent and gray and old,
And I looked at him and my blood ran cold
And I said: "My name is 'Sue!' How do you do!
Now your gonna die!!"

Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes
And he went down, but to my surprise,
He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear.
But I busted a chair right across his teeth
And we crashed through the wall and into the street
Kicking and a' gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer.

I tell ya, I've fought tougher men
But I really can't remember when,
He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile.
I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss,
He went for his gun and I pulled mine first,
He stood there lookin' at me and I saw him smile.

And he said: "Son, this world is rough
And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough
And I knew I wouldn't be there to help ya along.
So I give ya that name and I said goodbye
I knew you'd have to get tough or die
And it's the name that helped to make you strong."

He said: "Now you just fought one hell of a fight
And I know you hate me, and you got the right
To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do.
But ya ought to thank me, before I die,
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you "Sue.'"

I got all choked up and I threw down my gun
And I called him my pa, and he called me his son,
And I came away with a different point of view.
And I think about him, now and then,
Every time I try and every time I win,
And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him
Bill or George! Anything but Sue! I still hate that name!

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