Posted on 06/03/2004 10:18:32 PM PDT by RMrattlesnake
Ten Rules for a Successful Marriage
1. You must marry the right person, one you love and one who loves you, and both of you must be in love with Jesus Christ.
2. GIVE and TAKE is a necessity. Let love cover the disagreements which will come in any marriage.
3. Never carry into tomorrow the petty troubles of today. Forgive at the end of the day, and then forget.
4. Don't discuss your disagreements and personal problems with others. You will soon forget these quarrels, but others will remember them forever. Go to the LORD for the advice you need.
5. Try to live within your financial means. Don't try to keep up with some other couple; keep within your income. And be sure to set aside something for the Lord's work.
6. Keep your love as romantic as possible. Appreciate each other. Express that appreciation in actual love and affection in the home.
7. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER even think of divorce as a solution for your marriage problems. You took your vows " until death do us part." So often, divorce never settles anything!
8. Keep your eyes on the person you have married, and don't bother looking around for someone else. Wandering eyes benefit no marriage.
9. Read God's Word and pray together every day. To pray together is to stay together.
10. Let Christ shed the love of God abroad in your heart, and you will be sure to have love for each other.
1/2 out of ten,gotta hate that when that happens.
As a family counselor who is also a Christian, I certainly agree with the forgiving part. That is an act of will.
I have real problems with setting up the expectation that somehow someone can "forget" as an act of will. Remembering is a biological process involving nerves, synapses, brain cells, imprinting, etc. There is very solid research that demonstrates that, especially in traumatic events, imprint loops are formed in the brain. These loops cause extremely vivid memories to return based on certain triggers....sights, sounds, smells, etc. (These are part of the basis of post-traumatic stress syndrome.)
Significant emotional events, such as the revelation of an adulterous betrayal, can seldom be forgotten, and the very act of attempting oneself to "will" the memory away is IN FACT remembering the event.
I don't like setting people (especially married couples) up for failure by somehow suggesting that they haven't truly forgiven if they still remember a significant injury. What we hope to accomplish is the construction of a forgiveness feedback loop that accompanies the retriggering of a painful memory. In other words, every time they're accosted by that hurtful memory, the memory automatically slides into the loop that says, "I forgave this trespass against me, as Christ has forgiven me."
I recall to your memory that Jesus said on the cross...."Father Forgive them." I also recall to your memory the appearance of the Lamb in heaven in the book of revelation. We will praise Him for eternity for His sacrifice. And we will remember the reason for it.
5. Try to live within your financial means. Don't try to keep up with some other couple; keep within your income. And be sure to set aside something for the Lord's work.
This is some of the best advice that could be given to married couples. Even non-religious couples would do well to heed these suggestions. I can think of nothing that undermines a marriage more than having the inevitable disagreements between husband and wife trotted out for others to see. It shows such a lack of faith in your partner that you both will be able to work these things out. The financial suggestion should be obvious.
During our 47 years of marriage (and still going strong) my wife and I would sometimes go to bed angry at each other. Anyone who made up that notion of not going to bed angry has never had the experience of being too tired (or too busy) to talk about it.
Very nice and very necessary!
'I don't like setting people (especially married couples) up for failure by somehow suggesting that they haven't truly forgiven if they still remember a significant injury. What we hope to accomplish is the construction of a forgiveness feedback loop that accompanies the retriggering of a painful memory. In other words, every time they're accosted by that hurtful memory, the memory automatically slides into the loop that says, "I forgave this trespass against me, as Christ has forgiven me."'
As a child abuse survivor, I agree with what has been said in the quote above. I find that I have to continue to forgive the most traumatic of harms done to me in my past. While I don't recall them as often, they are still around.
Some things can be quite readily forgotten. More serious events don't seem to be for me.
I am also a child abuse survivor and for someone that is currently engaged this post is heart warming and beautiful. For me, relationships and trust are very difficult because of my experiences especially finding out that pedophilia in the Catholic Church is one big cover up. My faith is the most important thing in my life and through my faith I receive the strength of forgiveness because I know I am too weak.
3. Never carry into tomorrow the petty troubles of today. Forgive at the end of the day, and then forget.
The key word is PETTY troubles and they NEED to be forgiven and forgotten because this world is full of SEVERE troubles. I believe that a spouse is the second most important person in our life. Like it states in Genesis, God blessed us with our spouse and for that he took a rib. The way I look at it is, God gave us the gift of intimacy and personal companionship and for it, like everything else, comes a price. As long as we follow the guidelines that the Lord has given us marriage WILL turn out to be the most wonderful experience that a human can go through. The worst things a person can do before and during marriage are assuming things and having false expectations. Again, thank you for this post.
How much of a blessing is your new wife?
Many disagreements between spouses should, of course, stay between them. But one of the fiercest arguments we ever had has become family legend. My wife has never (and probably never will)forgive me for signing our oldest son's football permission slip after I told her I agreed with her that it was too dangerous for him to play. We joke about it now, but there was a time it wasn't so funny. And I can guarantee you it took her longer than 24 hours to get over it.
But our marriage went on and after the birth of our eighth son, I remember her looking lovingly into our newborn baby's eyes and saying, "Well, I guess God's giving me a few spares since Daddy's trying to have all you boys killed on that football field."
When the Bible says God remembers our sins no more, it certainly does not mean that God no longer has knowledge of our sins. It is a figure of speech [metonymy] where cause (remember) is used for effect (have an active grievance against us).
Remember in this useage is to remeber so as to hold as an active offense. To forget is to no longer hold the offense against the person -- to view it as a paid bill.
As such to truly forgive is to forget (remember no more). When the sin comes to mind, we reckon it as PAID!
Did you say "eighth son"???? Wowie! Talk about a football team!
Rattle, you're a nice guy, but this quote's gonna make you famous.
Thanks.
Actually it is a good statement in context (see #13).
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