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My wife and I are divorcing after 19 years of marriage...we had sex for the first time 3 days in to our honeymoon. That was the last time for a whole 4 months.
But I stayed because it was the Christian thing to do.....or so my friends told me.

Over the years things got better, we actually averaged 4 times a year in the early years and made it up to and average of 6 times a year towards the end. Her constant complaint that I was only interested in having sex all of the time. I guess starving people who are interested in eating all of the time should try to refocus their hunger in to more productive avenues.

She said no to counseling outside of the church (they never challenged her sin), and the good Christians told me that it was just my lot in life to have a frigid wife. Jesus would want me to stay. So I did.

Not having sex was one thing, but no emotional connection, no touching, no form of intimacy whatsoever is quite another.

Years later, I met a wonderful woman whom I love with all of my heart and she means the world to me. She showed me what it meant to be loved and she treats me more like a wife than my wife ever has. Yet, the good Christians say that this happiness is not meant for me.....of course they all have sex on a regular basis. When they reach for the hand of their spouse, it is not withdrawn. When they touch, they are not met with rejection....so it is very easy to say what Jesus would want me to do when they don't have to go through it.

But it has always struck me as odd that the church is so dogmatic when it comes to men, making sure we don't cheat, but the verses that applied to my wife withholding herself seemed to be skipped over. No one went to my wife and told her what Jesus expected. They just looked the other way.

My leaving was a complete shock to her as well....to my former church as well....

So now, I am divorcing.....against the wishes of friends, the church and Jesus. I would challenge any man to go where I went and to suffer how I suffered and to have stayed for 19 years.....I would guess that there would not be many takers.....only a church full of condemnation and the withdrawal of grace. No Matthew 18 for her....but a whole plate full for me.

I would venture to say that this woman was as out of touch as my wife was. Wrapped up in her own selfishness, unable to recognize any need other than her own. I feel for this man....I am sure he will find happiness...but if not...at least relief. Maybe instead of the church putting the man through Matthew 18, it should have been his wife!

After something like that happens, one does look back and say, 'why didn't I notice this or that' but if you think everything is fine, you don't notice stuff, or you just worry about the mate, thinking they're depressed or having problems at work or whatever.

And until they actually leave, they don't tell you. They let you think it's not you. In fact, sometimes they do things that indicate strongly that they still care, while all the time planning and plotting to leave.